It is so easy to lose hope right now. So easy to throw your hands up in disgust and surrender to what seems like inevitable. The world is in a bad way and problems that have existed for decades are causing catastrophic fractures within our cultures. Depression, desperation and confused anger at a world that would not let us be have turned people to hatred.
We live now in a point where even the good may feel the need to get blood on their hands as we are forced to do battle over great and terrible issues that are themselves distractions from the real problems created by men who just don't care about the truth so long as there is profit and power in it.
I'll be honest I feel myself to be a mess. In so many ways I feel myself to be a traitor, to have wronged good people and still wrong headed in a few key ways. I am tired and I am in pain and it would be so easy to convince myself that I don't deserve redemption, that I don't deserve to try. Because who looks at this shit tip of a world and relishes the challenges presented? But I will persevere as must we all.
It's not about goodies or baddies or anything else like that. There is no justice in the clusterfucks raining down upon us. There is just desperate confused people trying to survive and feeling angry when the way they think is best doesn't seem to get anywhere.
I have a side in these conflicts and it is a side I will support with blood if the problems we face get that bad but we are all humans and we all have the capacity to be misled, stupid and passionately defensive of our own stupid ideas. There are toxic centers, sources of toxic ideology that must be eliminated, but the vast majority of even those we consider the worst foes are just people following what they believe to be right.
Ultimately even wars are in the end about convincing the other side of the strength of your arguments. I am no warrior, no diplomat and no politician and have never claimed to be. All I can give is the hope that the majority of us survive, learn and come out of these dark times better people.
Self loathing is not fun. Self loathing when the mistakes of your past and the political morality of your present are fighting it out with very real casualties is hell. I have been seriously tempted to just delete my youtube channel and facebook page more than once recently because facing past feels so difficult but I persevere and dream of a better tomorrow.