We Are Lost
Alexander Gordon Jahans
Fight Club. The movie that launched a million bullshit spewing decades. Only white man is stupid enough to look at a film vilifying us and showing how our masculine ideals are toxic and think “Yeah, that’s right, we should do that!”
And yet, today, I saw how it made sense. I saw, chillingly, how I’m not so far from the narrator of the film. It is tough to be a white man but for the stupidest of reasons. They’ve done research into conspiracy theorists and what they found was that these beaten broken people believe in horrifying cover ups and a crushing lack of free will because it gives them a sense of peace and reassurance. That there must be a plan, that there should be a plan. It can be a stupid plan. It can be an evil plan but for the love of fuck won’t somebody make this shit make sense and have meaning.
Did you know that there is a Scottish, Irish and Welsh Parliament with special devolution for those countries but nothing for England? It’s like how there’s all these support groups for LGBTQA+ groups but nothing for straight heterosexual cisgendered people. Like how people get annoyed and angry when you trend #AllLivesMatter. You see this is the horrifying reality of our fate as straight white cis gendered lady loving men. We are what society considers ‘normal’, we don’t get safe spaces and we don’t get to be snowflakes because we are the privileged. We run the fucking world and we know the horrible fucking truth, equality doesn’t stop life sucking for the many. We have the power, we have no excuse and we know there is no fucking plan just lots of individual fucking morons fucking things up for everyone because they stupidly think it will make them better off.
Here’s the thing, Fight Club isn’t about me. I am an Autistic, Bisexual with Kallman’s Syndrome. I have problems, real problems that even the most dickish of feminists will acknowledge. More than that Tyler Durden talks about how the men of his fight club have no great depression and have no great war. I am a Millennial and Millennials are defined by three things 1. The War On Terror. 2. The Great Recession 3. Information Technology as defined by the iPhone and Facebook.
The thing about Fight Club is that it is defined by boredom by how being a man means being part of the great unwashed who have no sense of community after neoliberalism destroyed worker solidarity and neighbourly friendliness. Information Technology changed that. I am not lady loving white cis gendered man. I am a fan of World War Z, Transmetropolitan, the Culture novels, sharkploitation films, pc games and Doctor Who. I am not my demographic, I am the things I care about and through them others can understand me even when words fail me.
Yet I ‘got’ this film, I understand how a million douchebags were spawned from it. You see I suffered through school and got good grades. I went to college and university then I stalled and my world fell apart about me. My parents divorced, my social life imploded, my health and masculinity were revealed as a fucking wreck, My confidence was destroyed and I dove head first into politics in search of an answer, just in time to witness a proper Conservative government majority, the Rise of Donald Trump, Brexit and now Thatcher 2.0 promising to fuck the country hard as my family tries to convince me living in government supported housing is a totally safe and sensible option because my very existence is a financial burden.
And oh yeah, there’s been a terrorist attack in Manchester. I think I’m supposed to talk about it because somehow I’ve ended up a political pundit. How the fuck did that happen? Anyway I can’t think about it and I can’t talk about it because I know logically that the human thing to do is talk about the great tragedy of lost life and the British spirit of indomitability. I know what I’m supposed to say and I know that saying anything different would be insulting or insensitive. People need time to grieve. They need to process the events and deal with the aftermath. The problem is that I can know what to say, think differently, know I shouldn’t think differently and still think I should express my opinion anyway. So, sorry.
I am struck by the same anger and confusion I feel at being a white man in the 21st century. People are suffering, I know it’s ultimately our fault but I fail to see the logic behind it. An Ariana Grande concert in fucking Manchester? Who targets Manchester? Who the fuck thinks an Ariana Grande concert is a worthwhile target? Who the fuck decides it’s worth dying for? It’s like if Hitler decided to invade the fun fair or blow up an ice cream truck? How the fuck is this achieving your objectives? ‘Ah yes, we must kill the infidels who bomb our country and so we shall target the semi popular inoffensive lady singer girls like. Truly that will set the west quaking with terror.’ It’s like when Trump supporters keep calling you a cuckold and expecting you to feel offended. Dude, why does this matter to you? Why are you wasting your energy on this? Also, everybody knows the establishment in England only care about London anyway. Blowing up Manchester feels like someone deciding to scare you by lightly prodding you in the shoulder then going “Nyeah!” We blow up more people as collateral damage than they do deliberately. This isn’t terrorism. This isn’t war. This is madness
Sorry again. All life is sacred and the families and friends of those affected should be allowed to grieve in their own time. I hope you see what I’m getting at though. It’s the same frustrated incomprehension at stupid cruelty defining what it means for me to be relatively woke white man. Every other demographic gets to fantasize about a conspiracy. That if they had control things would be different. These fantasies are useful. They have inspired and empowered protests, demonstrations and disobedience that have achieved great victories for equality and civil rights. They are useful and they are built on grains of truth. White men have exploited, discriminated and otherised. They continue to do so. What so many get wrong however is the assumption that it is all part of some elaborate coordinated plan.
That’s the irony of course, fuck-ups are caused by morons out of self interest with barely a plan to benefit themselves, never mind anybody else. Then people explain those accidental uncoordinated stupidity induced fuckups as a great and terrible plan before declaring that it’s okay because they have their own plan. Plans are terrible unless they’re made by your guys, is the implicit message. The reality is there are no plans except those drawn up by nut cases convinced that the establishment has plans. Yet the plan is a nice lie to believe in, even when it is a bad or evil plan.
What’s the phrase? ‘Just following orders’? Freedom is excellent, freedom is awesome but freedom is also terrifying and deadly. Human Civilization isn’t defined by freedom, it is defined by cages that protect us. A cage can be a trap, torture and death but it is also the only way to have true safety. Wild animals are free and wild animals are defined by death and suffering. The sick thing is that I see people seemingly ready and willing to embrace such a notion. Fat, depressed virginal basement dwellers talking about the survival of the fittest, how the white man is superior, women are meant to be passive before men, guns are crucial to freedom and economic liberalization is the only way to secure the economy.
Newsflash arseholes: You are embracing the very worst parts of freedom and the things we have spent a very long time trying to counter.
When you base your dislike for the unlike in genetic superiority you are advocating genocide and eugenics. You are advocating the extinction of the race you consider inferior because you think it’s natural. Boys, you really do not want to start justifying genocide because not only while you find your own beloved white race ready to brutally destroy you for spouting such bullshit but even if you were right, what the fuck makes you think the white race would be the one left standing? We have fucked with everyone. We have mistreated, abused, oppressed, raped, tortured and murdered people who didn’t fit our definition of normal. Just what the ever loving fuck makes you think our race would win. White people talking genetic superiority and natural selection is throwing stones when you live in a glass house. Except with genocide. So don’t fucking do it. Idiots.
Women are not biologically inferior to men. We define god as the creator and we worship god. Woman is the real creator of man and nature shows us that she has power enough to elicit extreme submissiveness from men. The survival of the fittest you may call it. The survival of the woman’s preference more like. We are so fucking lucky that we got ridiculously good at brainwashing women to behave passive from an early age because if they knew the power they had over us we’d let them eat us alive. So yeah,don’t ever fucking base treatment of women in nature because the laws that protect her protect you and me from her.
Guns are just the stupidest things imaginable. Humans are dumb and panicky. We get drunk, we get tired, we get stressed and angry. Hell, we see time and time again that the Police Force and Military contain jackasses who overstep the line and use their authority and weapons to treat people like shit. And these are the people who are hired selectively, undergo special training and have to follow careful regulations. If they are dangerous and out of line, shooting when they shouldn’t then giving every person a gun is ridiculously stupid. Something the statistics bare out. Yes, guns can be used legitimately if you have training, keep them safely locked aware and only use them for legitimate purposes but that is not the same as letting any dumb shit own a gun and just trusting he’ll know what to do and how to keep it safe.
Economic Liberalization is what really gets me though because it affects me. A free market can be a wonderful thing for the competitiveness it stimulates within companies but we have liberalized the markets too much and allowed companies to become apex predators who no longer have to compete.
You freedom loving bastards have taken everything great about humanity and turned it to the defence of the powerful at the expense of the weak. Or at least you fully intend to and are succeeding despite the forces acting against you. I don’t want freedom but neither do I trust fascism. I am a capitalist and you know what means? That means I know that humans are stupid, greedy, selfish shits who only do things because it benefits them. That means I know that the only way this system works is if we keep each other honest, if it is in our best interests to look after other people. We need democracy, we need workers unions, we need charities and protest organisations because it’s the only way to keep society honest and turning for ther greater good.
Yes, Feminism is about Women, Black Lives Matter is about Black People, Gay Pride is about Gay People and Socialism is about Working People. All these groups talk about a rising tide lifting all boats. They’re wrong. What they mean is that the machine of society only works when all the cogs are turning properly. This is them, turning their cogs, keeping us honest, keeping us turning our cogs so that the great machine continues to function.
The great tragedy of Fight Club is that it hit the right nerve but delivered the wrong message despite itself. White men are lost. Not because we’ve forgotten how to be men but because we’ve forgotten what it means to be the demographic in power. We have a responsibility and we are filing in the execution of it. We run the world and then we complain that we are powerless to fix it as we desperately blame the demographics we subjugate. We do this because the vast majority of us aren’t the people running the world. The vast majority of us have no real power, our lives asre shit and then everybody else discriminates against us because of the actions of the CEOs, lawyers, politicians and media moguls.
I have had two years in the purgatory of joblessness and I am telling you that if Theresa May introduced a make work prograsmme for the unemployed, I would personally be relieved. If I could do it, easily and well, then be sure of a half decent wage I would gladly take that over the dubious freedom offered by living on charity and government support payments. I would rather be a cog in the machine with a sense of security than a lazy jobless person who feels like the ground could fall out from under them at any moment.
I am tired, in pain and so thoroughly sick of this shit. I genuinely don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to kick the can of economic unviability down the road, how much longer I’ll be able to wake up every day to an uncertain painful future. If Theresa May gets in again come June the 9th, I think there is a not insignificant chance I might genuinely kill myself because I am so fucking terrified of living in government supported housing during a conservative government. The sad thing is I know I’m privileged for even having the luxury of fearing that life.
The world is fucked and there is no grand plan. Which is why so many white men fucking lose it and kill themselves or others, I think. We don’t have the luxury of blaming our problems on other people. Heck even I’m only staying as sane I am by nursing quiet controlled hatred of women and trans people (In my defence the trans people hatred came after they destroyed what little social life I had and it’s less general, more specific.)
So yeah. Fight Club bought out some feels in me. Though I should probably also point out that today, for some reason, my pain meds and caffeine pills failed to work like usual so I have had a freshly terrible day. Probably explains the extra bitterness.