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Saturday, 18 June 2016

The Off Switch

The Off Switch

By

Alexander Gordon Jahans

It is a very weird thing to listen to a futurism podcast discussing the right to die, not just in terms of the incurably suffering but also the otherwise sane and healthy, on the same day as having had a phone conversation regarding your own mental health and your own past inclinations towards death. 

I do not want to die, now my biology is better I feel fundamentally happier and improved, even if the current circumstances are less than ideal. That said, if there were a hibernate option, a kind of totally safe voluntary coma that could be entered into. I would take that. 

My laptop is dying, my desktop is dead. I have friends who can fix them for me but it willl take time. 3 weeks or more. 3 weeks or more with only a tablet my mum got for free to keep me sane. This is not going to be fun. Indeed this is a dangerous time. My mind needs distractions or it tortures me. Granted I`m gettting counselling now, that`s what the phone call was about, but hibernation would be safer in the short term.

You see yesterday a 41 year old woman by the name of Joe Cox who was an MP for the Labour Party was shot and killed by a man at least inspired by the far right group Britain First. I made a video giving my brief rough thoughts about it and naturally my hatebase is still somehow blaming foreigners, praising guns and saying I don`t deserve to live. The brutal honesty is I don`t know and I don`t care what the truth is just now. The news destroyed me. I don`t feel safe anymore. I feel angry that something like that could happen in England, that the right and the left are using it to escalate tensions. It feels like Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand has just been shot and the tremors of the war machines are spreading outwards...

I don`t wanna be right now. I want to live, I don`t want to die but oh how I wish I could hibernate past this dangerous time of dark thoughts and just a tablet pc to distract me. I fear for my country, I fear for our peace and our sanity.