Don't Give Up
Alexander Gordon Jahans
So things are tough. I had a bad day yesterday, got very dark. This is when you find yourself reminded of what keeps you going. Now I have friends and a family that does somehow still give a shit about me but I find that never really keeps me going. It's irrational but I find the idea of marching on because I have faith in my family and friends mawkish. Also I like to keep a protective distance, especially now I know 4chan is willing to dox and knows where I live. Then again it seems 2chan has facial recognition software to play with so perhaps I should just accept the day I am inevitably cornered by a gun weilding trump supporter using cuck like it's an actual insult.
So how do I keep going? How does a self loathing, autistic, infertile, dysphoria addled, unemployed, rationalist stop himself from self slaughter? Well I do what I always do, watch youtube videos, listen to podcasts and keep going. Except that's the means, not the reason. That's like answering the question of why free market capitalism sucks by pointing at the people it fucks over. You're addressing the consequence, not the higher rationale. Yes free market capitalism is bad because it kills people but that is only a consequence of the fact that free market capitalism does not actually result in a free market. There will always be a super predator, you can either have that superpredator controlled by the democratic will of the people to keep the peace and preserve the freedom of the market place or you can step back and watch an uncontrollable super predator with no such limitations control the markets.
So what is my rationale for not killing myself? For not giving up? I mean Zarquon knows it's tempting. I mean if you believe in reincarnation or life after death there'll always be that little bit of doubt about where the next life might be worse but I'm an anti-theistic atheist, as far I'm concerned I know what awaits me in death. Dying might suck. Dying could be ridiculously painful because fuck I don't know how to stab a guy, let alone myself, but I know what death is. Death is nothing. Not even void. There is no consciousness, there is no pain, there is no regret. That is so tempting. But I'm needed and so are you.
The world needs us. I keep seeing people feeling low and I've seen the figures about how many have killed themselves as a result of this government. I understand. Oh Zarquon, I understand. To just leave the suffering and the bullshit. To leave this sinful place of tories and bigots and misogynistic bastards. I do not condemn anyone who falls for that siren song and I hope they find the peace they wanted but we cannot keep killing ourselves. The world needs us to fight for it, especially because we consider ourselves expendable.
In the land of the narcissist who has themselves taken care of the person with nothing to lose is king. too many people are terrified to lose their jobs, are terrified that their families might lose their jobs. The system we have at the moment is oppression through maths. It is not democracy. It is a system designed to oppress with just enough force to ensure that there is never actually revolution. It is the smart man's approach to feudalism, People have ipads and facebook so of course they're going to look the other way as the disabled are fucked over yet again and people in other jobs are fucked over. So we need every last person who won't look the other way. We need you to not commit suicide if you can.
Sure individually your vote might not mean much but together we are an avalanche reshaping the political landscape. Your voice matters, your opinion matters, your vote matters, your life matters. Not because you are some unique special snowflake but because a blizzard is nothing without snowflakes, because drought can't be stopped without rain drops, because politicians are powerless without us. Oh the filthy rich may pay millions for advertising campaigns but we can be an advertising campaign on our own and together our voices can drown out the corporate horseshit. You matter.
A podcast I rather love by Brady Haran and CGP Grey called Hello Internet has a phrase I rather love. You see they've got this ongoing segment of the show where they check up on their weight and they call it the Fittotron 5000. They say the secret to he Fittotron 5000 lifestyle is not never putting on weight again but in accepting that you are always going to have times where you fall off the wagon and the trick is getting back on again.
That's what I've learned this past year and it is my best advice to you if you have similar problems. There will always be bad days when dying seems so very very tempting, the trick is going on with your life afterwards. We all have bad days but you say no to temptation and you keep on going, The world needs you. You are important. Don't give up.