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Thursday, 31 March 2016

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Donald Trump would nuke Europe

So I've been told benefits or foodbanks

The Little Needles

The Little Needles

Alexander Gordon Jahans

So there's a thing I haven't wanted to talk about because it seemed so irrational I hoped it wasn't true and because it's in a grey area. When I talk about my dad being an arsehole there's some push back of course because "Hur hurr. You mentioned weakness, we hit weakness." but I'm talking about issues that even I am torn on. The moments of what the fuck that come out of nowhere and just fucking floor you,

"You gave me hope and you took it away, that's enough to make anyone dangerous. God knows what it will do to me." - The Doctor - The Doctor's Wife by Neil Gaiman and Steven Moffat.

So some context, When I was 13 or 14, around that age. I decided was going to build an automated internet shopping website called I was going to be a grand entrepreneur.  Ha. But I tried and I learned a lot of things, things that help me to this day, and it was fun. I was really fun and it was an oasis of calm and order and friendship in a life of hell and who was my nemesis. Who worked to stop me? My mother, because she didn't want me to get my hopes up. Crush those dreams good and early before they sprout they'll only fail.

I want you to remember that, because I do, and because it underlines the situation I find myself in just so perfectly.

I have a bed. A double bed. With two draws that I never use. My mum was going to buy it for me and then she got huffy and walked off without paying so I finished up the transaction thinking she would pay up later. If I could go back in time that is the moment I would go to. Even if it was multiverse travel and my history would stay the same. I would beat the unholy shit out of myself and stop myself paying. Five hundred pounds for a bed I didn't like because mum had to approve of it and one extra drawer I never fucking use and it is already breaking. And now motherfuckers on the internet mocvk me for having a double bed. Mother fucker if I knew I was going to pay I would not have got a shitty wooden divan bed. 

Mum decides what's best for me and I suffer the consequences. That's how this works. That's how this has always worked. She'll tell me over and over again how much she loves me and most of the time she can pull off a half decent impression of a caring compassionate person but when I really need her she fucks off. Like she fucked off while I was suffering from depression and dysphoria and my abusive father. 

And then she tried to evict me at christmas because I shouted and because she thinks she has that kind of authority. She can't evict dad. But her son? 

She didn't evict me. Bloody dad came to my rescue then. But that scared the shit out of me. Dad's an arsehole, dad has beaten me, harrassed me, stalked me, tried to guilt me into doing what he wants by saying he would commit suicide when I was facing those demons every day. But mum is supposed to be different you know. She's supposed to be the one that gives a shit.

So now we come to the latest issue. Or non issue that I'm whining about because something something entitled douchebag if you prefer, Nine Worlds Geek Fest.

2013 was the best year of my life. My second year of University. I had good friends. My family hadn't turned to complete terrifying shit yet. I was still blissfully in denial about having no testosterone . Doctor Who hadn't yet turned to crap. I was blissfully ignorant about politics and then I went to Gallifrey One. It was fantastic and magical and marvellous and insane.

I read Paul Cornell's London Falling on the journey over and back and I wanted his autograph so I backed the kickstarter for a convention Paul Cornell was going to. Nine Worlds Geek Fest. It was better than Gallifrey One. This is like losing your virginity to a famous celebrity then hitting it off with a stranger and having an even better fuck. This was amazing and mind boggling and I met friends that I know to this day. 

I have gone every year that Nine Worlds Geek Fest has run and to me it's like going home. It's where I feel comfortable. Where I feel like myself. Nobody judges, nobody cares. I don't feel awkward there, This despite embarrassing myself in a room full of feminists when my insane brain decided to squee about one day having a cat doctor. (Hey Khajit deserve representation too you know?) 

I did not honestly think I was going to go to Nine Worlds Geek Fest last year but then I did and I certainly did not expect I would be going to Nine Worlds Geek Fest this year but then my mum said she would pay.

And then she changed her mind.

Apparently she couldn't afford it. 

Then she goes on to tell me in great detail about her plans to go on holiday to Peru and other places. And she isn't just spitballing either. She's already been on holiday once this year.

When I point out this fun little factual inaccuracy she tells me it's because I won't go on jobseekers.

Some fun facts ladies and gentle men: 1. The money earned from Jobseeker's allowance is a fucking pittance. 2. Making youtube videos or volunteering is limited. There are actual limits placed on how much work you are allowed to put in to clawing your way out of being unemployed if you claim Jobseeker's Allowance. 3. We have workfare in Woking. 4. I went along to one of their highly recommended employability lectures that you have to go to to keep Jobseekers. It did not herlp and I got my smartphone stolen. 5. If she is worried about money she can save more than she'[dd get by putting me on jobseekers if she just stopped buying stupid tat that she doesn't need.

This is not about the jobseekers issue though because I am not debating that. Just no. Never. I know my reasons though I appreciate others have no choice.

This is about my mother, the woman who wanted to crush my dreams as a child lest they give me false hope, giving me hope then taking it away and deciding to be a dick about it. Yes, rich retired woman with a job, lavishing people with tales of your expensive holidays, please tell me more about how the young man who works his guts out so he can make a pittance from youtube and build up his cv is not allowed to have the thing you promised him because he won't take money from the state when it would hold back his chances of getting a career, Please, rich person ,break your promises while telling the poor they are lazy. 

I know it is not as simply nasty as my father screaming that I am pathetic while I was laid up in bed trying not to kill myself but if you promise someone something, just fucking do it.

I didn't expect to go to Nine Worlds Geek Fest until she told me she would. She gave me hope and she took it away and then she wants me to sit there while she tells me her travel plans and all I can think is. You are so filthy stinking rich and you won't even keep your fucking promises.

It's the little needles, the broken promises, the expensive shitty bed that creaks when I sit upon it because I had to get one that would satisfy her, the little needles that really sting because they stay with you, under the skin, every day.

Anyway, here's my Paypal and Patreon, In case you want to do something to help.

Sunday, 27 March 2016

Fuzzy Logic A Distraction Novelette NSFW

Fuzzy Logic

Alexander Gordon Jahans

Jeff ran through the train carriage. They were after him. Shit. They were after him.

Jeff threw himself through yet another door and closed it behind him. He leaned back against the closed door and braced his brogues against the edge of the door to the driver’s carriage. He panted.

30 fucking days they’d been after him. 30 days of running for his life because of... what? Because he might become something? Might have something inside of him. Fuck that! Fuck that, quite sincerely. He was not about to just lay down his life because some mad cult of amazons wanted his head. Yet he couldn’t hurt them either. Or at least he really didn’t want to.

It was supposed to be easy: Finish university, do a TEFL course, teach abroad, learn to drive and see the world. Only he didn’t plan on an inter-universal revolutionary band targetting his arse. He couldn’t run forever. He was tired and dirty, his hair long, his beard a mess, his suit worn and patchy. He need to stop nd recover. He needed time.

They were banging at the door now. Bugger.

He didn’t want to do this, he really really didn’t want to do this.

But he had no choice. The driver had to live. this was where Jeff had to make his stand.

He closed his eyes and muttered “Oh, Father, forgive me.

He turned around and threw back the door. Braced and ready.

She was tall, thin and blonde and she was coming for him.

He poked his fingers in her eyes smashed her skull agains the door frame, snapped her neck and tossed her body to the side.

An older woman some ways a head held up her hand cried “Woah! Peace!”

Jeff stared at her. “You’re not going to attack me?

“Of course not, I came a long way to find you, I need your help.” said the older woman.

She was English by her accent and 40 something, She had long brown hair tied back in a pony tail and wore hiking shoes, black trousers and a silver jumper. There was a backpack from her shoulders and she was smiling proudly at Jeff.

Jeff stammered briefly, trying to articulate how he felt then he gave up and stared at the woman lying in a crumpled heap at his feet.

“Oh she’ll be fine.” said the older woman. “Probably just switched off when you paralysed her but that’s easily fixed. You’re a hard man to find, Farsh-nuke?”

“It’s Jeff.” said Jeff bitterly “And what about the people who were attacking me?”

“The SLF?” asked the older woman. “Oh we took care of them easily enough. I’m Charlie by the way, Charlie Babbage.”

“Took care of them?” asked Jeff. “How?”

Charlie reached out of sight of the door and came back with a bow. “Everybody’s gotta have a hobby. Mine is archery. Met a rather lovely Logicio who was on the hunt for your friends, I let him have one of my students and he let me have an Albino Sylph Squirrel and some intel. After some experimentation I’ve come up with what I think might just be the most potent non lethal poison ever devised.”

As if on cue an SLF member lunged out of the darkness towards Charlie.

Without looking Charlie pulled an arrow from her quiver, placed againts the bow took, aim, pulled back on the bow string and released. The arrow impaled the woman in her neck and smoke began to rise from her as she shrank. recoiling in pain.

Charlie retrieved her arrow and placed it back in the quiver then she bent down to pick up the shrunken woman, now a foot tall and said “See, harmless?”

Charlie stroked the tiny woman idly and said “She won’t remember a thing. You’ll be able to raise her and the others as your adoring pets.”

Jeff stared. “Okay...”

“Oh, relax.” said Charlie. “I’m sure the SLF will have their memories backed up if you want to let them return to their old lives. You just probably better explain to the SLF how they don’t need to kill you first.” Charlie stowed the little woman in a cage with the other shrunken SLF members.

“Right...” said Jeff. “Look this is all a bit much to take in.”

“I can understand that.” said Charlie “look why don’t you just come into the carriage and have a sit down. I’ll make sure Lisa is alright and explain things to the train driver.”

Jeff nodded. “Thanks.”

Charlie stepped back to let Jeff pass.

Jeff stepped over the woman he’d taken out and took a seat at a table in the carriage.

Charlie approached her fallen friend and twisted her head back round to her correct orientation. The blond woman’s eyes and skull had already healed and her neck healed the moment a connection was made.

Charlie pulled a remote control out of her pocket and her conscousness came back online.

Lisa looked worried for a moment then smiled up at Charlie “Hey, it’s you? Is everything okay?”

“Oh yes.” said Charlie with a grin. “Thank you for going first by the way. The Farsh-nuke is just back there, have a seat with him. I’m sure he’d love to get to know you.”

Lisa smirked “But I thought I was your toy?”

Charlie kissed the younger woman on the forehead then said. “Of course, but I can share.”

Lisa grinned and got to her feet.

“Go on, I’ll not be a moment.” said Charlie.

Jeff watched Lisa approach him and take a seat opposite him. She was in her early twenties, probably fresh out of university. She wore a sleevless top and a short skirt. She was smiling awakardly at him.

“Sorry for umm.. trying to kill you.” said Jeff awkwardly.

Lisa sniggered “It’s fine. The Bam-Kursh used to cut my head off for fun.”

“Am I supposed to know that name?” asked Jeff.

“Well you are a Farsh-nuke...” said Lisa and she looked out the window at the trees going past. “You know when I was turned into a to for mass production by the Bam-Kursh she told me this tale about how you and her were best mates in the early days of the multiverse. I even met you, well a you, you were very nice and kind and you tried to save me.”

Lisa looked to Jeff now and took his left hand iin hers. “You told me tales of how if I was yours you’d treat me like a spoilt poppy, it sounded nice...”

Jeff met her gaze “What happened?”

Lisa shrugged. “Destiny. The Bam-Kursh is a very clever woman, at least mine is. She knew that it only needed to happen once for her to get her goods so she put in safety clauses and loop holes knowing that even if she fell in love with me and tried to push me away you, one of you, the one I got, would send me back to her to meet my fate. After that, well... The Bam-Kursh did her thing and a copy of me ended up in a warehouse the SLF were using as a hideout. Been hers ever since. First face this me saw.”

Jeff smiled “That’s adorable.”

Lisa gave him a curious look.

“Well no, it isn’t adorable. It’s actually very horrible.” said Jeff, frowning. “But the idea that you and Charlie fell in love on first sight.”

“Ah...” said Lisa. “Not love. Programmed in loyalty and obedience. It’s imprinting technology.” then she smiled. “I do love the way Charlie treats me though, like she knows I’m a toy and that that’s what I like but she also treats me with respect you know? Like we’re partners? I suppose that’s sweet.”

Charlie sat down beside Lisa and draped her arm about Lisa’s shoulders. “Magnificent little thing isn’t she?”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly call her little, or a thing.” said Jeff pointedly. “She is however a very charming person and I genuinely cannot apologise enough for...what I did.”

Charlie smirked “It’s fine, you don’t need to apologise. you thought we were going to kill you and I sensibly sent my immortal masochist on ahead so no harm done.”

Jeff gave Lisa a curious look. “You’re masochist?”

Lisa shrugged “The Bam-Kursh made it so I experience pain as pleasure.”

“Isn’t that basically cheating?” asked Jeff. “Like surely the point of a masochist is that they actually get hurt but like the feeling? If you rewire the brain directly so pain is pleasure you haven’t got a masochist, you’ve just got a pleasure fiend who merely has the ability to gain pleasure from acts others would find painful.”

Lisa stared at him.

Charlie chuckled “You’re the Farsh-nuke, alright...”

Jeff grimaced and glared Charlie. “Look I don’t know who the farsh-nuke is but I ain’t him.”

Charlie looked him in the eyes “So you’ve never had strange dreams, memories you can’t explain, moments where you don’t feel fully in control of your own body.”

Jeff went pale “I just thought that was why you didn’t do drugs.”

“There is a Farsh-nuke inside you.” said Charlie. “His soul just needs to come out of hiding in a controlled manner.”

“Controlled manner?” asked Jeff. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that there’s a reason the SLF have been trying to kill you.” said Lisa. “I’ve met him remember? He knows his way around a woman, craves us like an addict.”

Jeff swallowed. “Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

Charlie reached for her backpack and started unbuckling it. “There’s something I’ve been saving for you.” Charlie pulled the cord of the backpack and reached in. She pulled out a small satin dice bag tied with a bow. She pulled on the bow and reached her hand in, a head of golden hair surfaced from the bag, a sleeping mask over the eyes, then Charlie’s hand surfaced about the neck. Charlie tossed the bottom of the bag away and the tiny bag slid away to reveal beautiful bronzed skin and an emerald green bikini until Jeff realized he was looking at a supermodel that Charlie had somehow kept in a bag that would struggle to hold two tennis balls let alone a whole person.

Jeff stared. “What the...?”

“The bag was a gift of the Logicio’s. The fact she doesn’t need bindings or a gag despite having been left in my bag with food water or sunlight is down to me.” said Charlie. “She was one of my brighter students but hampered by an alcoholic father after her mother died of cancer. Given that this was America she didn’t exactly have the funds to stay ahead but she was gifted by nature with two things guarranteed to make a career in the field of artificial intelligence even tougher but two things that made her my first choice for this. Her name is Cassie and she is beautiful and submissive and yours.”

Charlie whispered something into Cassie’s ear and Cassie jerked to wakefulness, she scrambled to find purchase from where she was draped awkwardly across Charlie’s knees. Charlie lowered her to the floor and said “Cassie, do you remember why I asked you to meet me?”

Cassie smiled and she relaxed, resting her back against Charlie’s legs. “Yeah...Yeah, you said knew how to crack friendly ai? You said I could help and then there was something else? Something important?”

“Yes...” said Charlie and she smiled at Jeff then reached a hand down to hold Cassie’s shoulder. “Can you remember what it was? It was to do with your role in helping me, do you remember?”

Cassie nodded “Yeah, it’s coming back now. you said you. You were going to get help from an expert on fuzzy logic but that he might need a certain service or sacrifice. One that I was best able to deliver.” cassie blushed remembering “Oh you were good... You showed me what was needed, gave me time to think it over, said you’d pay for my dad to get help and see that I was well looked after.”

Cassie bit her lip then concluded “You had me meet you in a public park in a coat I wouldn’t mind losing, dressed in the bikini you’d bought to make me perfect for the occasion. You said you needed to inject me with something called wereshark blood so I could heal then give me something to counteract the side effects of the healing abilities but that that it meant you would have to give me a blindfold.”

Cassie smirked. “I told you I was up for the ball gag and bondage and that’s when you explained how you were going to hypnotize me so such things wouldn’t be needed. I let you and then my eyes were taped up, you injected me and I swallowed my pill and I heard your trigger phrase.”

“Thank you.” said Charlie proudly and she looked expectantly at Jeff.

Jeff rolled his eyes. “Alright so it’s consensual, maybe. Still fucking creepy.”

Cassie smirked “Oh I like this guy, he’s feisty, I like a man with a bit of fier in him. Who is he?”

“I’m Jeff.” said Jeff as he watched Charlie open her mouth to speak. “Listen to me, I don’t know what’s going on but you don’t have to do this. I don’t care what she’s told you, you don’t.”

“And how the fuck would you know?” asked Cassie pointedly “I am to be given to the Farsh-nuke and he would just gobble me up.”

Charlie had a smug smile on her face and looked expectantly at Jeff.

Lisa leaned in, a smirk on her face. This was getting good.

Jeff frowned “Becauuse I am... the- umm. I’m him. He is me. He comes out of me. Probably. Maybe. I don’t know. Your creepy teacher certainly seems to think so but I - I really don’t fucking care. What she did was wrong.”

Cassie shook her head and tried to get up, bashed her head under the table and so skirted round until she could stand up. She was towering over the seated Jeff

Jeff was craning back, desperately trying to look at her face and not the two things that were more easily in his eyeline.

Cassie bellowed “Do you know how important friendly artificial intelligence is!? It could revolutionize the world, make manual labour a thing of the past, and enter us into a glorious new post-scarcity future. If you can crack that or even just get us one step closer then absolutely my life is worth it but for the record this isn’t some great noble sacrifice for me. This is my deepest, darkest, most forbidden fantasy made real. And something else to consider, just because you accept me as a gift doesn’t mean you can’t treat me like a human being. If you’re worried about losing your humanity, about what doing this might make you, then consider this: You aren’t becoming the kind of mine that dominates a woman for pleasure, you’re a man facilitating a woman’s agency over her own life and gaining satisfaction from that.”

“That’s a hell of a speech for a supermodel in a bikini to make.” said Jeff bitterly.

Cassie sniffed and gagged “And that’s a hell of a comment for someone who smells like gym socks to make?”

Jeff shrank back and grimaced “I’ve been on the run for a month. I haven’t exactly had time to shower.”

“God, really?” said Cassie and she felt along the table until her hands came to his shoulders. “You poor baby, we need to get you a shower, some clean clothes and a warm bed.” Cassie looked to where she imagined Charlie to be, so she was actually looking at Lisa. “We can do that right? Unless you’re expecting us to just do it right here?”

Lisa laughed.

Cassie tilted her head and asked. “Who was that?”

Lisa said “Umm, that was me. We’ve umm... We’ve not met but we’ve both been charges of Charlie for a while and I have say that - that is one hell of a body.”

“Oh, you like it do you?” said Cassie mischieviously “I am very open to new experiences so if you want to try it out you’re more than welcome to try.”

Lisa looked to Charlie with a pleading look in her eyes.

Charlie smirked and squeezed Lisa’s shoulder. “Alright, I think you have a point. I can get us somewhere to rest up for while during which time I’ll find us somewhere we can work. If that is Jeff here will accept you because you can’t move blindfolded.”

Cassie hunkered down on her haunches. “Jeff, I know you’ve just met me and this is crazy but if you remove the blindfold, I will imprint on you. I will be yours. Farsh-nuke or not. So, what’s it to be? Do you want an immortal submissive with a great body to be forever by your side?”

Lisa and Charlie were staring at Jeff waiting for an answer.

Jeff asked uncertainly. “This is really what you want?”

Cassie chuckled “Honey, I signed up for this knowing that in the moment of awakening the Farsh-nuke could kill me. I dressed up in a bikini, met my old lecturer and agreed to be drugged and blindfolded and brainwashed. I did this all because it thrills the shit out of me. I am not about to turn back now unless you make me.”

Jeff swallowed. Clear explicit permission. He let his eyes begin wander down her body. “But you are not just a pretty face are you because you see I could get bored of a pretty face and that wouldn’t be fair on you. Not after all you’ve done.”

Cassie nodded “Smart guy, more than just a cock and balls I see. Well you probably know I’m hot at artificial intelligence and computer science already but I like to read outside my field. I’m very into sword and sorcery, mythology, psychology, philosophy. What do you know of quantum mechanics?”

Jeff’s jaw dropped and he stared.

Lisa sniggered.

Charlie said “From the looks of the records I took from the SLF. You were a football player, proper football player, and you wanted to be a pundit on national TV eventually? I’m thinking that maybe you weren’t expecting Cassie to know so much more than you.”

Cassie smirked “Is this true Jeff? Am I going to be the smart one in our relationship?”

Jeff frowned and he blushed “You’re perfect.”

Cassie grinned “So may I see you? Will you accept me?”

Jeff groaned then muttered “This has to be a trap, I don’t get nice things. This is waaay too good to be true.”

Cassie farted loundly and pointedly.

Jeff’s face was a mess of conflicting emotions as he waged war with himself until finally he cried “Fuck it! You only live once!” He removed Cassie’s blind fold to find her eyelids were kept closed over her eyes by foam pads that were taped over them. He slid a finger under the tape and pulled a little.

Cassie winced from the pain. “Keep going. I like the pain remember?”

Jeff nodded “Just say stop if it gets too much.” He pulled more of the tape free then more. Finally the padding over her left eye came free. he pulled at the tape over her right eye.

Cassie winced and bit her lip.

He pulled the tape free.

Cassie opened her eyes and gazed into his brown eyes. She giggled “I can feel my mind being rewritten. Haha. It’s kind of nice. Strange and like going through a corkscrew on a rollercoaster but it’s nice. Mind if I sit down?”

“Er no...” said Jeff hurriedly and he moved to the right so Cassie could sit down.

Cassie kept looking at Geoff, which was disconcerting him. She grinned. “You know, you’re very handsome?”

Jeff blushed and looked out the window. “Thanks.”

Cassie laughed “A shy guy, huh?”

Lisa said “It’s because you’re looking at him. It’s that whole male gaze thing isn’t it? He finds it intimdating.”

“Oh...” said Cassie, then she said “Good thing I’ve got you here to talk to Lisa. Perhaps if we start getting better acquainted he might show some interest?”

Jeff sighed. “Please, just let me have a shower a good 8 hours sleep? Bit of mood whiplash to deal with as well.”

Cassie giggled and put her arm round Jeff “It’s alright, I’ll look after you, I used to fence in my spare time.”

Jeff rested his head against the wiondow and felt the train’s movements judder through him as something stirred inside him.

“Okay, I’ll get you what you want.” said Charlie. “Just trust me.”

Jeff caught her gaze and nodded. “Just get me out of here.”


The train came to a stop and Charlie led her team out of the station and into a cab. Her mind racing ahead as she mapped out what need to happed and she surveyed the interactions of her recruits.

Lisa and Cassie chatted gleefully swapping stories about their different times at university and how artificial intelligence was portrayed in the media.

Jeff was mostly silent, he was tired, confused and hungry. He was also overwhelmed and withdrawing into himself but increasingly feeling like that wasn’t such a safe place to be any more, he felt like he was being pushed back into an industrial sander and at any moment it could switch on and tear him asunder. As he looked at Lisa and Cassie he fet warmth and attraction to them of course but he was chilled by the sensation of something looking hungrily through him.

The cab drew to a stop and Charlie led them to a motel out in the sticks beside an eating establishment. One single room and one double was booked. As Charlie headed to her single room to begin finding a suitable laboratory, Jeff threw himself into the show and Lisa and Cassie hung out, preparing for and discussing what was to come.


Jeff stepped out of the shower to find a new set of clean clothes and a large box of American fast food waiting for him.

As he accepted the food and the clothes he looked to where Cassie lay chatting with Lisa on the bed. “I really do not deserve you. Thank you, so much.”

“You will.” said Cassie with a smile as she admired his glistening abs and biceps. “And besides it’s Charlie’s money, she needs you in perfect condition tomorrow. We all do. And anyway as I understand it things are going to be rather different very soon, appreciate it while it lasts.”

Jeff nodded. “Thank you,”

He got dressed in the bathroom then sat down in an armchair in the bdroom gorging on fried chicken, a beef burger and fries.

Cassie asked “So what are youi going to do, Lisa? Charlie only booked out bed space for three.”

Lisa smirked “Oh I don’t need sleep and I’ve got an off switch for my mind so I think She’ll just stick me in the closet.”

Cassie stared at her,

Lisa grinned “Well I’m a toy remember?”

Cassie chuckled. “Well go on then, go to your Mistress. I think our expert is ready for his beauty sleep.”

Lisa nodded and got up to leave then she paused and looked back at Cassie and smiled. “You know I’m glad we met, almost a pity the Bam-Kursh isn’t here now, I think you’d make a lot of money for the war effort.”

Cassie smirked “Well maybe Jeff can track down the Bam-Kursh later and let her know of your idea.”

Lisa laughed “See ya” and left the room.

Jeff finished wiping his fingers and his face after the greasy meal and asked “Were you serious? She’s a toy. That’s... That’s fucking awful.”

Cassie looked at Jeff and said with half smile. “You don’t know why Charlie gifted me to you and she absolutely did gift me to you but I do and yeah... Fuck it. Might be weird but I think I’d be up for it and if can help keep us all safe from the Septagonoids -”

“The what?” said Jeff.

Cassie laughed. “It doesn’t matter but if the Farsh-nuke is looking out through those beautiful brown eyes of yours pondering if he can use this knowledge to his advantage, to cut some kind of a deal or something, you tell him hell yes.”

Jeff closed his eyes and took a deep breath then glanced at a mirror. “No. No, I don’t thank that’s right.”

Cassie got up from the bed, pulled a chair out from where it was tucked under a desk and sat opposite Jeff. She placed her hands either side of his head and looked right into those brown eyes “Farsh-nuke, I am serious. I know exactly how you’re going to emerge and exactly what you’re going to do to me and I am up for it. I am so unbelievably up for it and I am yours. Jeff... He’s a nice guy and I like his body but you are a god and you can see into my soul, you can eat it and rewrite it so this is me saying it’s yours, it belongs to you. I belong to you. I mean that sincerely, knowing all the things you could do to me, knowing just how alien your appetites can be. I am yours, do with me what you will, you have my permission.”

Jeff stared at Cassie. He couldn’t close his eyes, he felt hungry and lustful, he wanted to kiss tthose lips so much to throw her backwards onto the bed and - No. No, he didn’t fucking care what he felt. There was something important he had to point out, something he had to ask. “Cassie, I’m not the Farsh-nuke. he might be in me, he might emerge from me but I am not him and I do not consent or give permission to be the vessel he uses. I didn’t ask for this, I never got to say no. Do you actually give the slightest shit about me?”

Cassie frowned and hugged Jeff. “Without you, I don’t get to see the Farsh-nuke so of course I care about you but I’ve just met you and you’re a bloody alpha male sports fanatic.”

Jeff pulled away and crossed his arms “I thought you like alpha males?”

Cassie sighed “Well you can’t get much more alpha than an entity that watched the multiverse evolve and besides he’s a genius with super powers. You know a bunch of useless trivia and have a great body which I still get to enjoy when he’s in charge.”

Jeff glared at Cassie. “Do you know why emasculation is such an insult? Why the solution to all of life’s problems is to man up and grow some balls? It’s because to a man masculinity is agency, it’s control, dominion and independence. Oh feminism calls it privilege and patriarchy but it’s all just a synonym for not being passive, for not giving up and giving in. That you don’t depressed, you get angry. You are serving yourself up to me on a plate but you are emasculating me more surely than if you cut my balls off and shot me full of oestrogen. This is my body. You can have the Farsh-nuke’s genius but I am in charge here and I always will me.”

Cassie nodded “Sorry I- I touched a nerve didn’t I?”

“Just a bit yeah...” said Jeff then he rose from his armchair “It has been one hell of a long day so if you don’t mind I am going to sleep.”

Cassie rose from her chair and tucked it back under the desk. “Of course, sleep well. Remember if you need me, I’ll be right beside you.”

Jeff nodded then he headed into the bathroom to clean his teeth. He closed the door and locked it then he caught sight of himself in the mirror and approached it.

He looked at his reflerection in the bathroom mirror. At the tired man with the straggly beard looking back at him. He braced his hands against the sides of the bathroom counter top and muttered “Look, I still don’t know if I quite believe this. It’s entirely possible that Charlie is just a little bit mad and brainwashed impressionable young women into believing bullshit but well every sports fan is a little superstitous despite knowing the truth so I’m going to consider the same kind of deal. Maybe the Wolverhampton Wanderers will win a home game even if I’m not there but it can’t hurt to clear the diary so I can attend every home game just in case you know?”

Jeff cleared his through then looked his reflection in the eyes “Farsh-nuke, I don’t know much about elder gods, I don’t know how strong you are or even necessarily how to fight you but I do know the limitations of my own body and I know that Charlie has given me Cassie for your benefit and she i going to be keeping you very busy with work so consider this a little promise. If you hurt anybody but particularly Cassie, Lisa or Charlie then I will hurt this body. I have no problem dying to stop you if that is what needs to be done.”

Jeff sighed and he tugged at his beard thoughtfully for a moment “I hope we can find accord. That we can make this work somehow. I don’t fucking know how but I hope we can make it work.”

Jeff glared at his reflection as a thought occured to him. “But I’ve seen Supernatural you know? That angel Castiel? he’s possessing some poor fucker and this christian dude is trapped, helpless, as his body is used by an unearthly power to do dreadful things and he has no control but shares in the pain. Well that ain’t going to fucking happen to me and I am telling you now that if you fuck anyone, heck if you just decide to tug one off, and I am not sharing in the control and I’m not given any kind of consent or say then that is rape and if you do that... If you ever do that... I will hurt you. I will burn you. I will break you. See I can’t guarrantee that I can stop you but I can guarrantee that if I can’t you’ll fucking wish I had. I may not be top dog but I’m no runt either and so long you’re in my body you better pay me and my morality some fucking respect or you will pay.”

Jeff cleaned his teeth and went to bed.

Cassie was already under the covers.

Jeff tried to forget about Cassie and the Farsh-nuke.

During his sleep Jeff dreamef of a great green nothingness and a woman called Lucy who came to him for help. they talked in a language he didn’t understand and then the woman was gone and Jeff was alone in the void.


The next day Jeff woke feeling refreshed.

Cassie was still sleeping.

Jeff cleaned his teeth and had a shower then he went to the restaurant for breakfast. He dined greedily on bacon, sausages, fried eggs, black puddings, potato dauphinnois, tomatos mushrooms and because it was America waffles with maple syrup.

When he returned to his hotel room Cassie was exiting the shower room. Her strawbery blonde hair cascading down her back and her tanned skin glistening with flecks of water. grinned and closed the door with a sharp slam.

Cassie turned to look at Jeff and saw the yearning in his eyes. She blushed and smiled “You look hungry.”

“I just ate.” said Jeff and he approached the beautiful naked woman who had pledged herself to him.

Cassie smirked and she looked Jeff in the eyes. “Well I find there’s always room for desert?”

Jeff smiled and he pulled her close, his hand on the small of her back and he muttered “I’m not exactly an expert at this.”

Cassie felt her hands down his chest feeling the contours of his body. “Oh I’m sure you’ll do fine and anyway I’m very good at giving feedback.”

Jeff tentatively kissed her lips.

“Yes.” said Cassie and she pulled him into a snog.

Jeff’s tongue explored her mouth and he startred ubnbuttoning his shirt.

Cassie relished the caress of his lips and unbuckled his pants as her hand reached down below.

Jeff pulled away and tossed Cassie onto the double bed. “You are fantastic!” he cried as he stripped.

Cassie scrambled backwards up the bed, she knew what was coming next and she was ready. “Well come on, you magnificent beast, take me! My body is here for you and I promise you I will enjoy this!”

Jeff was lost in the moment and he mounted Cassie, stradding her like he’d seen in so many videos. His hands explored her body as her he kissed her lips and started moving the kisses downwards along her neck.

Cassie felt him inside of her, could feel his lips carressing her skin. She was quivering with excitement. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...”

Jeff was losing control. Lost in the moment. Lost in the sensation of her warm damp body beneath him. In the feeling of her complete submission to his will he had never felt more in control his entire life.

The kisses started being more forceful as he sucked at her skin. Cassie could feel the pain and she relished it. “Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Come on. Come on. Oh yes...”

He started biting her playfully. just enough to leave a pressure mark.

Cassie’s heart pounding like freight train and she was breathing heavily as she cried “Take me! Take me! Take me!!!”

His teeth started pullng the flesh from her bones his tongue pulled the meat into his mouth.

Cassie was vbeing consumed by pleasure now as she moaned “Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Thank you...”

He took her into him bite by bite.

Cassie could feel herself weakening as he devoured her. Muscles whittled away piece by piece, organs slurped up into his mouth. She felt herself climax as he sucked at the meat in her ribs. She passed out not long after he ate her lungs.

He left Cassie’s head, feet and hands alone. Perhaps there was something sacred about them or maybe the meat was just a little too hard too extract with teeth and tongue alone. When he came to Cassie’s three hearts he understood why she had given herself so willingly to him. It actually cheered him to think that the dear girl would likely recover.

He extracted himself from Cassie and extracted a few elastic bands from the room’s welcome pack were they had been holding various fliers together.

He used the bands to tie off Cassie’s stomach, intestines and bladder. He carried this to the bathroom and placed the stomach in the bath. he carefully removed the elastic bands attached to the bladder and dropped it into the toilet bowl. Bladder safely dislodging its waste where it belonged, he decided to help the hotel clean its drains by taking a toothpick and using it to poke holes in the stomach. He used a glass to safely apply pressure to the stomach and thereby drain it faster.

Once the stomach was emptied of acid he used his cut throat razor to slice the stomach at a point just before the elastic band that marked its border with the intestines. This done he hung thus end of the intestines over the shower rail, removed the other elastic bands except the top most and proceeded the squeeze all waste out into the bladder and the toilet.. When he was relatively certain most of the waste was gone from the intestines he sliced off the intestines whee they joined the bladder and flushed the bladder away. he left the intestines hanging over the toilet bowl as he returned to the bedroom and Cassie.

He used his knife to extract what was left of her digestive tract, including the arsehole itself and flush that as well. He decided to extract Cassie’s vagina and clitoris as a memento of this occasion and left it in the cupboard to dry.

He returned to the bathroom and washed out the intestines then he coiled them up like rope and left them in the wardrobe to dry. He put the stomach in there as well then he had a shower.

When he exited the shower he washed his cutthroat razor before using it on himself. Clean shaven, he looked into the emerald green eyes of his reflection “For what it’s worth, Jeff, I agree to your terms.”

He dressed in a three piece suit and left the hotel room. locking the door behind him and hanging a Do Not Disturb sign over the door handle.

Lisa was approaching. She a beautiful young woman in trainers, a short skirt and a sleeveless shirt, her long blonde hair was tied back behind her in a ponytail.

He smiled.

“Hey, Jeff, love the suit.” said Lisa genially as she approached him. He looked older, more confident, commanding and those eyes... “I was just coming to find you actually, Charlie’s found us a lab.

He pulled her close and ran his hand through her hair. “Lisa Watkins... It has been a while hasn’t it? Remember that promise I made you? It’s still on the table if you’re up for it.”

Lisa blushed and she felt herself giving into him then she realized. “Green eyes, a sharp suit, memories that don’t belong and a way with women... Farsh-nuke, it’s you isn’t it?”

He grinned and stroked her cheek. “Oh honey, you have no idea how much I want to take you right now but I made a promise. Will you let me have you as a pet though?”

Lisa grinned and she looked up into his eyes. “You’re going to need a collar.”

He nodded and felt his hand down her back. “Oh yes, gotta do things right...”

Lisa’s heart was pounding and she could feel her mind drifting away as his will replaced her own.

He kissed her on the cheek and asked. “Where’s Charlie?

“Her room....” said Lisa.

“Good girl.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Now stick close to heel and do exactlyb as I say.”

Lisa just had enough will left to mutter. “Of course...”

He stroked her cheek and strode off.

The toy girl followed close behind.


Professor Charlotte Shelley Babbage sat at a laptop in a tidy hotel room checking through her code for the 900th time when she heard him knocking at the door. If she was wrong... If her code wasn’t going to work... If she had sacrificed a promising young woman to bring a monster into the world that didn’t even serve a purpose anymore...

He called “Litttle girl! Little girl! Let me in or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow this door down!”

Charlotte grabbed her gun. She had to know. She had to be sure.

“Huff!!!” He cried. The door was racked by somethingb heavy slamming against it.

Charlotte slammed an ammunition clip into the handle of her pistol. If she wasn’t right... If her calculations were incorrect.

“Puff!!!” He cried. The door rattled on its hinges.

Charlotte aimed the gun.

He whistled and the door flew open.

Charlotte pulled the trigger.

The bullet entered between Lisa’s eyes and blew out the back of her skull, sending her flying backwards into the wall.

Charlotte barked “Who are you calling little girl!?”

He charged through the door in an instant, snatched the gun from her hands and turned it on her. “I’m the Farsh-nuke, you manipulative little shit!”

Charlotte was stunned and shocked, it took her a few moments to process what happened. “Crap!”

“You summoned a demon to summon a demon!” snarled the Farsh-nuke as he pressed the barrel of the gun against her skull. “Why!?”

Charlotte grimaced but remained silent.

The Farsh-nuke glared at her. “I read Cassie’s soul. Oh she certainly thinks she consented but you’ve been priming her for as long as you’ve known her and believe me I am very well acquainted with stealth coercion. She was practically gift wrapped for me. WHY!? No AI is worth the risk I pose. Is worth doing that to anyone.”

Charlotte closed her eyes and sighed. “My best friend at university was a certain Lisa Watkins...”

The Farsh-nuke’s mouth dropped open in shock.

Charlotte snorted “Parallel universes, what a fucking bitch. We were going on holiday together when one day she was stopped at a security check point. Seems we’ve been part of the UCMS for quite some time. The wars in the middle east are just a convenient distraction from the fact that good men and women just blip off the world never to be seen again because they’ve been thrown into that meat grinder of a war.”

The Farsh-nuke went to sit in the armchair but kept the pistol aimed at her head/ “What happened?”

“The Bam-Kursh happened.” said Charlotte. “Apparently She had to keep bringing out new variants to meat demand and AI developer Lisa was to be the latest model.”

Charlotte glared at the Farsh-nuke “I was thrown back for being too fat and warty and because blonde haired girls sell better.”

The Farsh-nuke swallowed. “Why did you do this? Why summon me? Why do that to Cassie? Why are you so desperate for friendly AI?”

Charlotte shrugged. “I want revenge. Revenge on every blonde haired blue eyed beautiful girl who gets valued over the rest of us. Revenge on that bigoted vile witch. And an end to this fucking war. If we can get friendly AI down then we can mass produce willing troopers to fight the good fight an keep upgrading them as necessary.”

The Farsh-nuke lowered the gun.

Charlotte looked sadly at the Farsh-nuke. “Do you honestly think Cassie would have led a better life on her own? yes, I manipulated her, I used her and I sacrificed her but she went willingly every step of the way and you will take good care of her won’t you?”

The Farsh-nuke sighed. “You know just once I’d like to not feel like a massive monstrous arsehole?”

Charlotte smirked “Wouldn’t we all?”

The Farsh-nuke sucked on his teeth then asked “So what exactly have you got in terms AI? What do I have to add? Oh and just so we’re clear a gun is a cowards weapon and even if you had shot me it wouldn’t have gone shit.”

The Farsh-nuke shot his dick off. “My soul is a stubborn thing and while I’m no wereshark I have just eaten a sylph so there’s just a little bit of unnatural regenerative ability in my bloodstream.” He glaed at her. “Don’t fuck with me. Don’t ever think you are capable of fucking with me. I eat women like you for breakfast.”

Charlotte sneered at him.

Lisa jerked to life and took a deep breath. She got to her feet and strode in through the door. “Sorry, is everybody okay? I was umm...”

“We’re fine.” said Charlotte, as she stared at the eldritch abomination that had threatened her and just shot his own dick off to prove a point.

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Lisa, darling, come over here. I have a favour to ask of you.”

Lisa walked over to the Farsh-nuke. “Yes?”

The Farsh-nuke smiled warmly.”Thank you. Get onto your hands and knees, please?”

Lisa smiled and got onto her haunches.

“And sleep...” said the Farsh-nuke before he started whistling.

Lisa’s eyes closed and her mind switched off.

The Farsh-nuke put his feet up on Lisa’s back. “Nothing like a good foot stall.”

“Nice trick.” said Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke smiled. “Well Quantum Oscillators work by oscillating particles at the quantum level to reprogam the base code of reality. Not that hard to audibly achieve the same thing if you know the right resonances. Now, AI... What do you got?”

“A plastic code.” said Charlotte. “We’re talking a prime super language than can incorporate every current computer language and adapt to every future computer language, probably. It’s like primordial ooze at the moment, lot of potential but not much actual structure. Very private and confidential, this code is being kept under wraps in top development labs but I’ve gotten hold of a copy of this. The advantage of using this as the basis is that ever single program under the sun can work wuith this.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her “I fail to see how priming the AI to take over the world will help anyone.”

Charlottle shook her head and leaned forward. “You don’t see... You went mad because you lacked form and structure when your mind was developing, humans have that structure. With this as the basis of our sentient AI we can give it a body right from the off. Tank treads for movement, manipulator arms, two cameras for depth perception, two microphones for hearing and direction detection. Accelerometers, pressure sensors, thermometers. We can build in speech synthesizers and a virtual avatar. We can give it videogames to play. upload databases from social media websites so it can begin to understand humanity and install the greatest works of literature as ebooks.”

The Farsh-nuke glared at her “But how do you program something to be that intelligent without it immediately firing the nukes? I mean for fuck’s sake you summoned me and the first thing I did was eat someone alive.”

“And I was prepared for that.” said Charlotte “You left her hearts alone didn’t you?”

“Well yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke, failing to see the point.

“So I’m prepared for this as well.” said Charlotte. “The plastic nature of the code means we can just drop in new modules as required. So we can design the code in lifeless chunks copy them to cd and have it installed via cd onto the drone. We don’t install wifi on the drone, nor an ethernet connection or a usb connection within reach of its arms. Code goes in, code doesn’t come out. Of course we’ll be able to manually input data and if if the AI wants to experience the internet before it’s ready then we can let it use a normal non-sentient computer. With parental supervision of course. And since even a superfast AI mind is limited by how fast it can type into a conventional GUI we’ll be able to quite literally pull the plug on any attempts to create an Ai without such a limitation.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her. “You’re going to make AI live an analogue life? You’re going to raise an artificial intelligence as a child?”

“Why not?” said Charlotte. “Lisa is proof that if you let nature and nurture form the person then sooner or later you will find a mind suitable for exploitation and mass production. Except Lisa is limited by her tie to her body. If we raise an AI child then we can just copy its mind and upload it to a better drone body as required.”

The Farsh-nuke looked into Charlotte’s brown eyes and asked. “And you think the AI is going to let you manipulate it like this?”

Charlotte shrugged. “Cassie, let me serve her to you on a platter.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her. “Wow! You are cold!”

Charlotte smiled. “You didn’t think being a monster was restricted Elder Gods and men did you? Cassie isn’t the first girl I’ve used. Took a lot of experimentation to become so good at what I do. I’ve got a lot of blood on my hands. Buried a lot of corpses in my time. God bless America and its poorly trained and corrupt police departments.”

The Farsh-nuke whistled and saluted. “Oh captain, my captain!” He planted his feet on the floor and led forward, resting his elbows on Lisa’s back as he steepled his fuingers. “So tell me, Oh Dark Mistress, just what the fuck am I doing here? I mean besides being a bioweapon unleashed on all pretty girls and a hitman for the Bam-Kursh. I know you need help with fuzzy logic but that’s about it.”

Charlotte smirked. “Dark Mistress? I quite like that. I could get a cape and cackle as I sacrifice virgins under a full moon.”

“Well that should be easy.” said the Farsh-nuke. “They tend to identify themselves with the warcry: It’s about ethics in games journalism.”

Charlotte snorted. “Seriously though, I do need your help with fuzzy logic. Particularly the fuzzy logic relating to morality.”

The Farsh-nuke blinked, sat back, looked rather confusedly at Lisa’s frozen face then said “Yeah... Yeah... You’re fucking insane. I’ve got nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing. You’re just fucking insane. You’re looking to me for lessons on codifying morality? I mean you aren’t actually mentally ill are you? Because yes, all right, we have just established that you are a cold heart manipulative murderous bitch. But I’m.... I mean you do know who I am right? I got sentenced to execution by the seven great empires for more crimes than can reasonably be recounted. I am not a nice guy.”

Charlotte smirked, the smirk grew into a grin, then into a sniggger then a chuckle then laughter then hysterical laughter.

The Farsh-nuke stared at her.

Charlotte rose from her chair, closed the door and locked it, all while laughing hysterically.

The Farsh-nuke swallowed.

Charlotte turned to the Farsh-nuke the short woman towering over him as he sat. “Good men don’t need rules.”

She said it like the punch line to some grand joke.

“Don’t you get it?” said Charlotte, staring at the Farsh-nuke. “I don’t need a good man, I don’t want a good man. I want a monster. I want an insane, predatory, manipulative, lustful, wrathful, all powerful monster. It doesn’t take morality to be a good man when you’re born that way but when you’ve watched universes rise and fall before you could even blink, when you have absorbed the soul of another and thought it good, when you have devoured the weak and manipulated the strong, when you have used and abused to the point where it corrupted your very soul beyond almost all recognition, well then you need a damn fine set of rules to pass as a good man. Then you need to have a very thorough understanding of the fuzzy logic of morality.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her as cogs whirred in his mind.

Charlotte lowered her voice and became unnervingly serious as she approached the seated Farsh-nuke and loomed over him. “Farsh-nuke, you founded the Logicios, you orchestrated the ascension to power of Lucy Danse, you are the champion of the Sylphs and the the bane of the Bam-Kursh and the savager of the Septagonoids. Like it or not you have the capacity to become a hero, to be a great weapon for morality and justice. If a monster as broken and damaged as you can achieve such great acts of noble courage then friendly AI is possible and you can help me birth it into the world. I’ll do the hard work, I just need you to seed it with a bit of yourself.”

The Farsh-nuke thought for a long moment then he whistled.

Lisa opened her eyes and said “I was turned off wasn’t I? What’s happened?”

“I need to know everything about the Bam-Kursh.” said the Farsh-nuke and he looked pointedly up at Charlotte. “I need to prove that I can be a hero.”

Lisa asked “May I stand up.”

The Farsh-nuke snorted. “Of course you can stand up. I need you both to tell me everything you know. And Lisa, while you’;re with me, you’re a pet, not a toy that means that while you may foll;ow instructions you are allowed free will and to not ask permission for the simplest things. If I need you to obey, I am perfectly capable of making you.”

Lisa grinned and stood up straight then looked to Charlotte. “What did I miss?”

“Oh just my deep dark secret.” said Charlotte with a smirk as she ran a hand through Lisa’s hair and rubbed her back. “Come on, we can lie on the bed. I have a feeling we’re going to be here a while.”


The Farsh-nuke unlocked the door with a whistle and found Cassie examining herself in the mirror. Steel toe capped work boots, black tights, pinstriped trousers supported by belt and braces, sleeveless undershirt, light blue long sleeved blouse, a check waist coat, a double breasted navy blue frock coat and fingerless gloves.

The Farsh-nuke appeared behind her right shoulder in the mirror. “Oh I do love a girl who can appreciate the value of a good suit..

Cassie smirked “Not disappointed that I live again then? I see you removed my cunt? Classy.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled “Well I wasn’t sure if you’d stay with me after you know... I’ve just had a rather interesting chat with your mentor. Would you say a slave is enslaved if they don’t know they’re enslaved?”

Cassie looked at the reflection of the Farsh-nuke curiously. there was something different about him and it wasn’t just the green eyes. She raised an eyebrow at his question. “Well I guess it’s like that whole argument about the droids in Star Wars, they’re not actually sentient they just display a good imitation of it.”

“Oh?” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Yes.” said Cassie and she smiled smugly as she rant her hands down the front of her coat, checking everything was buttoned correctly. “Except of course the same question could be asked of all of us? Are we really sentient or do we merely fool ourselves into thinking we are when we are in fact puppets of biology, our environment and physics? The bigger question is how do we treat those that may or may not be sentient?”

The Farsh-nuke swallowed and looked away, out the window and into the woods outside.

Cassie asked “Do you think I should wear a tie? I’ve always liked ties, they’re like publically acceptable leashes.”

The Farsh-nuke said sadly “Cassie, you’re beautiful. Dress however you please and damn the fuckwits.”

“Tie it is then.” said Cassie and she turned up her blouse collar so she could tie a paisley tie round her neck.

The Farsh-nuke went to the window and clasped his hands behind his back. “Last time I was an Earth it was the 60s, took out an entire village. Ate the women, flayed the men and sold the children as pets to an Arkhosian sylph trader. I believe they were sold to a sylph mill as future breeding stock.”

Cassie asked “Is something wrong? I thought you’d be happy to be back in the land of the living?”

The Farsh-nuke sighed “I thought this time it could be different. I thought it could be a fresh start. That I wouldn’t have to be the bad man.”

Cassie went to join him at the window. “Are you going to help Charlie?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded solemnly “Too many have died to walk away now.”

“And what about me?” asked Cassie. She looked at him with longing in her eyes.

The Farsh-nuke shrugged “Wouldn’t be right. I thought you chose this, I thought you gave yourself to me willingly.”

Cassie reached her hand behind his back and took his hand in hers. “I know what Charlie told you but I’m an amateur philosopher with a major in psychology. She used me alright but I used her.”

The Farsh-nuke looked to Cassie, confusion and hope in his eyes.

“Look around you...” said Cassie as she gestured to the window. “America in the 21st century. Mass unemployment, armed militia’s taking government property, riots every year, a mass shooting for every day, of the week, police shooting unarmed citizens dead. We are a country that is heading towards a violent revolution or a totalitarian regime and all the while our politicians blow the crap out of other countries in the excuse of protecting peace then damn near announce plans to open gas chambers if anyone dares to flee the places we are blowing the crap out of.”

The Farsh-nuke looked out the window sadly. “I’nm sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“One man can’t solve this and quite frankly one man shouldn’t have the ower to solve this.” said Cassie. Then she stared out the window and said “Charlie got to some of my friends. Not anyone I knew directly. Nothing provable. Nothing that could have stopped her. Not in America anyway. but I knew she was a predator and I knew she would come for me and I went willingly because fuck it if I could get to you, if I could be yours, then I would be safer than anybody in this whole fucking world.”

The Farsh-nuke slung an arm round her back and pulled her close. “I wish I could fix this. I wish I could fix you. You shouldn’t need to sacrifice yourself to a fucking Elder God to feel safe.”

Cassie smiled. “You don’t need to fix me. I’m happy with you. I meant every word. I’m yours, if you’ll still have me? And for the record, I have had a lot of sex but that was by far the best. If you ever want to eat me again I’ll clear a space in my diary.”

The Farsh-nuke gave her a curious look. “Are you serious?”

Cassie looked the Farsh-nuke in his emerald green eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m a sylph. I like pain and I like submitting to you.”

“Aww.” said the Farsh-nuke and he booped her on the nose with the index finger of his right hand. “As soon as I get my hands on a quantum oscillator and can rig up a time freeze container I am going to take regular cuttings of your glorious arms and legs.”

“Deal.” said Cassie with a smile.

The Farsh-nuke grinned and ran his hand through her hair.

“How’s Jeff by the way?” asked Cassie.

The Farsh-nuke winced and looked away.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” said Cassie “I like you, I really do, but well Jeff didn’t ask for this I just want to know he’s okay.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Not exactly happy about the change of arrangements as I’m sure you can understand but he’s safe. There is ample space in my mind for him to live a comfortable life.”

“Do you reckon you could make peace with him?” asked Cassie. “Maybe set up a time share or something?”

“Maybe...” said the Farsh-nuke. “Let me settle in first though eh?”

Cassie nodded. “Of course, I’m yours. I’m just also his.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled and stared longingly at Cassie’s features. His promise to Jeff coming to the fore of his mind. If he ever wanted to fuck this girl again, he needed to be one good speaking terms with his host mind.

“What is it?” asked Cassie.

“Just thinking about how beautiful you are...” said the Farsh-nuke, then he kissed her on the forehead and said “Come on, lets buy you a collar.”

Cassie grinned, showing off pearly white teeth. “Yes, Master.”

The Farh-nuke shivered with excitement and turned away from the window.

Cassie followed, still holding his hand.


Cassie was examining a bunch of modular hamster cages in a huge pet shop at a vast shopping mall a 3 hour drive from their hotel.

The Farsh-nuke arrived with a trolley loaded with bags. “You have to pay for bags now? Can you believe that? I decided fuck it and bought a trolley, always fancied one of these.”

He noticed Cassie was looking with fascination with something so he asked “What are you looking at?”

“I used to have a hamster.” said Cassie as she lifted up a box to look at it more closely. “She was a Syrian called Sammy. My mum’s cat tried to eat it because my door didn’t shut properly so I’d have to wedge the door shut with a great book on symbolism and mythology but Sammy lived a good life. I’d always by her a new module for her home. I was quite envious of her, living in this space age home.”

The Farshn-nuke frowned and looked at the hamster cage modules. “Are you saying you want a hamster?”

Cassie cuckled and shook her head. “I was thinking about those SLF members Charlie took care of for you.”

Then Cassie turned and looked to the Farsh-nuke “And... well... about us?”

“Us?” asked the Farsh-nuke curiously.

Cassie nodded and took his hands in hers. “Well I’m your pet aren’t I? And I was thinking about how Charlie kept me in that small bag the Logicio gave her and... Look, I know it’s stupid. I know that there are probably all kinds of reasons it’s not possible but if anyone could make it happen it’s you, right so... umm...”

Cassie blushed and held up a cage “Like I know we still want to do stuff together and I won’t exactly be a fulfilling meal if I can live inside a hamster cage but every couple needs allowances for alone time right? And... well... I’d like this... If it’s possible? Please?”

The Farsh-nuke bit his lip, trying to hold back laugher, his shoulders started to shake.”

Cassie frowned. “I’m an idiot aren’t I?”

The Farsh-nuke hugged her and kissed her forehead then he looked her in the eyes and said “You are adorable.”

Cassie looked uncertain.

The Farsh-nuke smiled “There are unfortunately certain hard limits on what even I can do when it comes to creatures of flesh and blood but grab everything you like the look of and I’ll see what I can do.”

Cassie grinned “Are you sure you can afford it?”

“We’re on the bank of Charlie and it seems exploiting university students is a very profitable business to get into.” Then he paused and muttered. “Actually there’s a good chance the relaity of my universe is a fiction elsewhere?”

He walked away from Cassie and the trolley a ways and closed his eyes, feeling around with his hands. There. Just on the edge of his perception. Across the veils of reality. An echo of tangible physicality. A phantom camera. He opened his eyes.

His mind was attuned to the particular logicular harmonics of the keystream now. He could see a green wireframe overlay of the camera crew and the director. A multi-camera production filming on location in vancouver by the looks of it. He smirked, this effect was probably costing a bit of money.

He found the camera to record his close up and looked intently into the camera and out at the audience “Guys, this is an alternate universe, exploiting university students probably won’t be as [profitable where you are and anyway it’s wrong. If you want a better standard of living abandon the myth of trickle down economics and vote for political candidates who will support a universal basic income. Also just please bare in mind that I am an eldritch monstrosity, not a rolemodel, don’t try this at home.”

The Farsh-nuke closed his eyes and let his awareness of the keystream fade. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. the wireframe overlay was gone.

Cassie piled a seventh box into the trolley then caught sight of something in one of the bags already in the trolley and asked “Why have you bought a metal detector?”

“We’re going to build a quantum oscillator.” said the Farsh-nuke with a grin.

Cassie looked to him with confusion. “We?”

“One of the benefits of having a pet sylph who understands computer science.” said the Farsh-nuke as he approached her and took her in his arms. “I don’t have to do everything myself.”

“Oh?” said Cassie with a grin. then she kissed him on the lips. “I love it when you acknowledge my genius.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned and looked at her hungrily then stopped himself and started examining the price tags of the cages Cassie had put into the trolley. “Well, my oh you ingenious comrade, have you got everything you want?”

Cassie wanted to say something but she looked embarrassed so she whispered “I was thinking a a ball gag, a set of handcuffs, a butt plug and a whip? Charlie, didn’t exactly let me take any luggage.”

The Farsh-nuke bit his lip and closed his eyes.

Cassie hurriedly said “Don’t worry, they’re not for you.”

The Farsh-nuke snorted, he almost reached out for her, decided he didn’t trust himself and clasped his hands behind his back. “Cassie, what you have said thrills me in many ways but I made a promise to Jeff that I wouldn’t do anything unless I had his permission.”

Cassie shrugged. “Then get it.”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced. “Not until I’ve settled in.”

Cassie frowned. “Oh...”

The Farsh-nuke rolled his eyes. “Oh for - Cassie, you don’t need my permission to get some damn toys. I just can’t... help you make use of them yet.”

Cassie smirked. “I wasn’t asking permission. I mean yes, you’re paying but that’s not why I asked.”

“Then why?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie sighed “Because I’m a woman buying subby toys, I’ll get creeped on.”

“Oh...” said the Farsh-nuke. “So you basically just want me to intimidate any sados who might start creeping?”

“Well, yeah...” said Cassie.

“That, I can do.” said the Farsh-nuke. “But if I find you handcuffed to the bed I’m going to leave you there, understood?”

“Absolutely.” said Cassie. “Not going to try and involve you until you’re ready.”

“Thank you.” said the Farsh-nuke then he went to stand at the push bar of the trolley. “Come on lets pay for this and get your toys then we’re building us a Quantum Oscillator.”


When they arrived back at the hotel Charlie had bought a tour bus and was busy loading it up for travel to the new laboratory. Cassie told Lisa to begin loading the stuff they’d just bought into the tour bus and then theyv went to their room to collect their things.

Cassie put her vagina in a box for the Farsh-nuke and also found her intestines and stomach.

The Farsh-nuke accepted the box and asked “Is something wrong?”

Cassie shook her head then frowned and said “It’s just- like I can understand the vagina. Like it’s... not normal but hey my body is yours. Why not keep a memento of losing your virginity and emerging? But why the stomach?”

The Farsh-nuke shrugged. “The stomach holds acid. This is quite a rugged bag material.”

“And the intestines?” asked Cassie.

The Farsh-nuke smirked “Oh I’ve got plans for them.”

Cassie stared at him.

“Apart from anything else, sausages are made with intestines.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Thought I might make some next time.

Cassie’s eyes lit up with understanding and she gave a michievious grin. “So there is going to be a next time?”

The Farsh-nuke smirked. “You’d really be up for it?”

Cassie held his gaze and started to unbutton her jacket.

The Farsh-nuke grabbed her hands and shook his head. “We’ve got a Quantum Oscillator to build. Food can wait.”

Cassie grimaced, buttoned her jacket and went back to clearing out the room.


As the Farsh-nuke and Cassie carried the last of their stuff to the tour bus Lisa indicated where their room was and that she’d already placed everything of theirs there.

They navigated the tour bus and arrived into a long thin room with a shag pile carpet, a circular bed and desktop computer and monitor.

As they put their stuff away in cupboards, draws and discreetly hidden storage chests Cassie asked “So what is a Quantum Oscillator exactly? What does it do?”

The Farsh-nuke was momentarily flustered as he utilised tetris skills for maximum storage efficiency then he explained “A Quantum Oscillator does for the logic bound what I used to be able to do naturally. It’s like giving a basic animal species an opposible thumb, it is a very small and simple device that unlocks incredible possibilities.”

Cassie rolled her eyes at that and struggled with her own storage issues. “Yeah, but how?”

The Farsh-nuke finished his packing and st down wearily on the bed. “All reality, at least all logical reality, consists at the most basic fundamental level of tons of tiny virbrating strings of logic, their vibrations create a harmony that decides physics.”

Cassie finished her packed and leaned back panting against a wardrobe. “Is this like string theory? Because I heard that scientists no longer consider it such a hot prospect.”

The Farsh-nuke sucked his teeth ran his tongue along his top lip, glared into space for a moment then shrugged. “I suppose it bares a few very superficial similarities, Bare in mind I am grossly over simplifying.”

“Because you think I’m thick?” said Cassie as she moved to the chair bbefore the computer and faced the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke groaned “Darling, you’re about to help me make one of these, no I do not think you’re thick. You are however limited by your biology and where you were born.”

Cassie glared at him with a terrifying ferocity.

The Farsh-nuke grimaced. “Because you’re human and you were born in a universe. A universe is a great big bubble of logic. You depend on a very specific type of physics to function. If gravity were that bit stronger or weaker. If it took that much more effort to extract oxygen from the atmosphere. If the physics for nuclear fusion were just slightly different. Heck when it comes to the full ramifications of life for your physics not being just so, you are probably better informed than I as my host spent his childhood memorising scores for home and away games of the different players throughout the history of Wolverhampton Wanderers but the point is that you are part of a great symbiotic process of change and evolution that is happening all the time because these tiny vibrating strings of logic. I mean this is like trying to explain the water cycle to a cup of tea. It’s just so much a fundamental part of who you are.”

Cassie frowned and lowered her glare from “I will cut you.” to “You’re a dickhead but you’ve probably got a point.” She sighed and said “Fine, you were saying?”

The Farsh-nuke hurriedly explained “So these strings, they’re like valves in an early computer. Except we are taling so much more data passing so much more quickly. Again in this body I lack the ability to truly quantify it in a way you would understand but think of it like an incredibly efficient incredibly huge computer that we are living in. The computer surrounds us and penetrates us and is part of us, yet it is also other of us, dictates physical laws to us and can be hacked and reprogrammed by us.”

Cassie was perplexed. “This is getting a bit Star Wars? Please don’t start talking about sand...”

The Farsh-nuke smirked. “Seriously, it’s not the force and it’s not a simulation. There are no robot overlords, messianic prophecies or child soldiers. What there is however is physics all around us that can be hacked by any thinking creature because if it can think, if it can use logic, then it can hack into the fundamental building blocks of reality to alter physics. The more bound by logic you are though, the harder it is to exploit it. That’s why I can still do so much more than you. And that’s why Quantum Oscillator’s exist. They use sonic waves to vibrate particles at a quantum scale and thereby physically alter the harmonies of logic strings. Their big problem though is that unlike thought their range and power is limited by what physics will allow.”

Cassie stared into space for a moment as she tried to visualise the process of oscillating the strings. “So how the fuck do we build a Quantum Oscillator?”

The Farsh-nuke grinned and went to the cache of items he’d bought in the mall. “Well we rig an oscillator up to a couple of speakers, a microphone and a circuit board then we control it either by precoded setting or a pulse monitor built into the hanle so we can create new harmies on the fly.”

Cassie stared at him. “You’re kidding me it’s thast easy to build a device capable of reprogamming reality?”

“Well it’s a bit more complicated than that.” said the Farsh-nuke. “And finding the right harmony can be damn fiddly even iof you know what you’re doing and can actually interpret the different higher dimensional harmonies but it is utterly possible. So, think you can do some soldering and coding?”

Cassie’s face was expressionless as she thought then she started unbuttoning her jacket.

The Farsh-nuke looked perplexed.

Cassie removed her jacket and rolled up her sleeves. “Lets build us a quantum manipulator.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned and started opening boxes.


5 hours later, they were ready to test it. It looked like some absurd kind of cyberpunk wizard’s staff. two speakers duct taped either side of an expensive microphone and two steel rods. A couple of arduino circuit boards in a protective case taped to the poles controlled the actual harmonising. A raspberry pi in a protective case with a usb socket and small touch screen allowed activation of preprogrammed harmonioes and monitoring of the harmonies themselves. A pulse reader in a protective casing was the actual handle of the absurd contraption.

“Are you sure this is going to work?” asked Cassie as she looked with some dismay ay the apparently finished prototype quantum oscillator.

The Farsh-nuke smirked “Only one way to find out.” He called out “Lisa!!! Could you come see us please!?”

Cassie glared at him.

He looked like a proud parent as held the daft staff in his hands.

Lisa entered cautiously. “Yes? What is it?”

Cassie sighed.

The Farsh-nuke asked “Can you tell us the full name for dna, please?”

Lisa looked to Cassie for insight.

Cassie met her gaze and shrugged.

“Okay...” said Lisa, pretty much at this point expecting shenanigans. “Deoxyrib-”

The Farsh-nuke aimed the prototype Quantum Oscillator at Lisa and pressed the preprogrammed option to turn Lisa off.

Sure enough Lisa froze mid sentence.

Cassie nodded, impressed and clapped “Well would you look at that, it actually worked.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned. “Of course it worked.”

Cassie approached Lisa ran a hand through her hair as felt her other hand down her chest “Do you know, I think I see it? How this woman can be a toy? There is something about her. A liittle tackyness to the skin and a kind of unnatural give to the flesh. It’s not big, not uncanny but it is there subtly and her features, her hands... It’s just ever so slightly too perfect you know? Unreal.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded “And the fact she comes with an off switch probably helps give that impression.” He activated the on harmonics.

“-onucleic acid.” finished Lisa. Then she noticed Cassie was suddenly at her side and frowned. “You turned me off again didn’t you? But I heard no whistling?”

The Farsh-nuke grinned and held up the prototype Quantum Oscillator proudly. “We’ve built a Quantum Oscillator, with this I can - do anything. I’m a god. Again.”

“Ah...” said Lisa. “ Like the Hand of Omega?”

Cassie was carassing Lisa and examing her body.

“Pardon?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Just a thing from Doctor Who. It’s a TV show we have in Britain.” said Lisa then she frowned and asked “Cassie, what are you doing?”

“Well it’s just occured to me how much you really are a toy.” said Cassie. “I quite like it.” her hand came to Lisa’s bum.

Lisa’s eyes widened and she blushed but she smiled. “Well I umm, I don’t exactly haver anything planned...”

“So you’ll let me play with you?” asked Cassie.

Lisa grinned and looked to Cassie. “You may play with me however you wish.”

Cassie grinned and kissed Lisa on the cheek as her hand delved under her skirt.

Lisa’s grin widened and she bit her lip.

“Oh yes!” cried the Farsh-nuke. “I’ve just remembered!” He put aside the prototype Quantum Oscillator and started rummaging through piles of stuff.

Cassie’s hand passed between Lisa’s legs and pra finger ginerly...

Lisa muttered “Yes... Yes, that would be nice.”

Cassie smirked. “Do you have a problem if he gets involved?”

Lisa shook her head and felt herself fill with nervous energy.

The Farsh-nuke rose from the boxes and approached Cassie and Lisa. He took a moment to compose himself then he said “Cassie, your sacrifice, your willing submission, it freed me. You are the sweetest, most adorable person I know. You gave yourself to me and for that I am so thankful. I promise you if you ever feel at all uncomfortable I will do everything in my power to see that whatever troubles you ceases to be a problem. I will protect you and satisfy you and sustain you. I know that I am a strange man with strange appetites but you need not feel compelled to satisfy them. You owe me nothing and I owe you everything.”

He removed a leather collar from his pocket and secured it round Cassie’s neck, her name was engraved on a silver plate at the front.

He turned to Lisa.

Lisa was at this point quite distracted by Cassie’s playful fingers but she tried to meet his gaze.

He coughed. “Lisa, I... I am given a certain amount of knowledge that I shouldn’t necessarily be privy to because of my power as an Elder God and the fuckton of Farsh-nukes out there. A version of me once made a version of you who was just on the cusp of becoming a toy a promise. I said that I could keep you as my pet if you wanted me to. I intend to make good on that promise. You are magificent. The Bam-Kursh chose well and did a fine job with you but you need not feel trapped anymore. I shall protect you.”

He secured a collar round Lisa’s neck and kissed her on the forehead. “Have fun with Cassie, yeah?\”

Lisa grinned. “You could join us?”

Cassie looked almost pleadingly at him. “I’d like you too. I’m not an expert at domination like you.”

“Then this will be a fun learning experience.” said the Farsh-nuke cheerily then he went to fetch up the prototype Quantum Oscillator before leaving the girls to their fun.


The Farsh-nuke found Charlotte in the driver’s seat, following a sat nav. He slumped down in the passenger’s seat beside Charlotte.

“Saw Lisa head back there...” said Charlotte. “The fact she’s not with you and neither is Cassie... Well ain’t that a nice thought for us old monsters?”

“We need to talk...” said the Farsh-nuke weith a quiet calm seriousness as he focused on trying to find a harmony that was just on the tip of his tongue.

“Do we?” asked Charlotte. “I thought people drenched in darkness didn’t need to talk about past mistakes.”

“You... You basically hired me to do a job...” said the Farsh-nuke without looking up.

“If so... That’s a hell of a payment in blood.” said Charlotte.

“Not my problem...” said the Farsh-nuke. “I’m a weapon... That’s okay... I’m used to being a weapon... But I didn’t know the terms of the contract so I’m altering them.”

“Right...” said Charlotte. Her eyes were on the road and she was deathly calm.

“Now, we could go head to head...” said the Farsh-nuke. “Eldritch Bastard to Psycho Bitch but I don’t think that’s necessary...”

Charlotte nodded. “Well that’s very reasonable of you.”

“I am taking Lisa... She belongs to me...” said the Farsh-nuke, still quiet, calm and serious as he focused on finding the correct harmony.

Charlotte swallowed. “She imprinted on me.”

“I’m working on that...” said the Farsh-nuke. “You don’t deserve my girl... I was there for her.. I tried to help her.... You... Weren’t.”

Charlotte was silent for a long moment then she nodded. “Fine.”

“I will get you your Lisa back though... With a few catches I’ll not yet say...And I can’t guarrantee revenge on the Bam-Kursh....” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Well, that’s something I suppose.” said Charlotte. “And helping me with friendly AI?”

The Farsh-nuke smiled. “Oh I’m helping with that...”

“Good.” said Charlotte and she gave a tight smile.

“Where are we headed by the way?” asked the Farsh-nuke, still not looking up from his work on the harmony.

Charlotte gave a half smile. “To the home of an old rich survivalist type. Completely off the grid, technically not subject to federal law or even part of America at all. On the surface it’s a farm with a hydroelectric damn, solar panels and wind turbines. Underground there’s a modest living area and a vast super computer with room to grow. Apparently the guy wanted to back up the internet in case the apocalypse happened.”

The Farsh-nuke snorted. “Americans...”

Charlotte asked “Is the reason you typically incarnate British because you wouldn’t normally last five seconds in a country so full of guns?”

The Farsh-nuke fell silent.

Charlotte smiled then asked “What are you doing?”

The Farsh-nuke asked “Are you familiar with a stasis field?”

Charlotte pondered. “Isn’t that that ridiculous scifi idea that time is a force that time is a particle that can be filtered out?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “That’s the one... Cryogenic suspension is a flawed concept. meat is made of water and freezing changes the consistency of water and increases its volume... Trying to preserve a living being that way is like pumping a balloon up with water until it bursts... A stasis field negates the issue... Albeit in a way that makes no actual sense... Then again I guess when you have a workshop it wouldn’t occur to you to use scissors on a screw that won’t budge... What I am going to do is create a fold in the fabric of reality that could be of infinite size and beyond which time won’t flow...”

“Neat, if you can pull it off.” said Charlotte. “What do you call it?”

“Time Freeze!” cried the Farsh-nuke triumphantly as a blast of noise erupted from the prototype Quantum Oscillator and a small black draw string bag appeared in mid air. It fell into the Farsh-nuke’s lap and he grinned.

“I guess that’s alright as name’s go.” said Charlotte.

Grinning from ear to ear the Farsh-nuke started on finding a different harmony.


The hours passed by as the tour bus drove on. Day turned to night before finally the headlights lit up the imposing security gates of the Right Dawn Estate. Charlotte spoke into an intercom and the tour bus rumbled in.

The tour bus was parked up on a large asphalt driveway then Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke exited the vehicle to explore the manor itself. It was large, industrial and a tad art deco.

As they explored automated energy management systems kept the lights on only a few meters either side of them. It almost seemed like a labyrinth of corridors and hallways as Charlotte followed a map on her smartphone. Finally they made it to the server room.

It was a vast chamber with the huge body of computers hanging from a cradle carried by great gothic cupport columns. It was like a giant metal spider an alien tripod, this industrial heart supported by monstrous veins and being a great thrumm of spinning hard disks and whirling coolant blades.

“Omega!” cried the Farsh-nuke in awe. “That’s what we have to call him.” He corrected himself. “It, they, the machine, her maybe. We call our creation Omega or Zed. The last and the greatest. Behold mankind’s greatest achievement!”

Charlotte smirked “Kind of appropriate that we had to summon a god to help make it happen don’t you think?”

The Farsh-nuke started laughing maniacally with a hysterical intensity. Falling to his knees to marvel at the deus ex machina that hung before him waiting to be unleashed.

As the Farsh-nuke was distracted Jeff crept out of the shadows of his mand and stared out through his eyes, So things were decided then. The fall of mankind, or its salvation, was about to begin and there was nothing Jeff could do one way or another except pray the Farsh-nuke knew what the fuck he was doing.


A backup of the internet had already been attempted. Just youtube, twitter and facebook and even then what was gotten fwas just fragments from a small amount of public profiles. Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke agreed that purging this stuff in a computer reformat was a good idea though. That was going to take a long time so they started going through the different moral codes of different religions, sorting each into good, indifferent and bad morals to teach a code child.

By the middle of the night Charlotte was having a vape outside and the Farsh-nuke was telling an anecdote about when he and Lucifer had decided to fuck with the peoples of a universe and each choose a champion to more effectively destroy the populace. Lucifer had gone for brutal demonization and genocide with book burnings and gas chambers, dude was minmaxed to the hilt and hampered by a low intelligence modifier.

The Farsh-nuke had opted for ruthless pragmatism. He would makes his champion a jolly bear of a guy and have a cause that seemed to preach love, liberty and equality but was actually about grinding everyone underfoot to feed a war machine that immolated itself but just slow enough to defeat Lucifer’s forces.

Then the Bam-Kursh had got into the fray and he, as this incarnation was identifying as a he at the time, decided to appeal to the reason of his champions. Incentivising the building of ever deadlier war machines and so the Farsh-nuke was crushed as rule by terror doesn’t work so well when the people advocating rule by reason also happen to scare as well as you.

Cassie and Lisa approached. They looked clean and were fully dressed.Cassie had an arm round Lisa until Lisa ran off to see Charlotte/

The Farsh-nuke approached Cassie and hugged her. “Are you alright?” He asked. “You were quite a while?”

Cassie blushed and asked “Can we keep her?”

The Farsh-nuke smirked and ran ahand through Cassie’sv strawberry blonde hair. “You’re a girl after my own heart you know?”

Cassie smiled then asked “So where are we?”

“The dawning of a new age.” said the Farsh-nuke and he hugged her, caressing her with a tender warmth. “I’ve missed you, just being around you.”

Cassie smirked “You could have stayed? Nothing wrong with watching is there?”

The Farsh-nuke groaned and muttered “Masturbation is verboten. Not my body to play with and I’m not alone in feeling what this body feels.”

“Oh...” said Cassie sadly then she smiled. “Oh...”

“What?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie grinned naughtily then whispered “Well when you do get permission it’ll be like a threesome everytime.”

The Farsh-nuke smirked and pulled a small black bag from his pocket. “By the way I was playing around with the Quantum Oscillator we built together and I made this.”

Cassie took bag and examined it with fascination then asked “What is it?”

“Time Freeze...” hissed the Farsh-nuke with satisfaction as he ran hisb hads down her sleeves caressingb her arms.

“Oh?” said Cassie with a grin. “Feeling peckish are we?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe...” said the Farsh-nuke as he started kissing her cheeks and moving down her neck.

“Well I was feeling a bit sleepy after all that exertion...” said Cassie with an amused interest. “But what about my clothes?”

The Farsh-nuke reached into a different -pocket and pulled out a small blue bag. “Infinite bag.”

Cassie grinned then said “Well you better take me to the kitchen then.”

Cassie slung her arms about his neck.

He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up into the air.

She pulled her legs up and crossed them behind his back.

He readjusted his grip and carried her into the manor.

Lisa and Charlotte avoided talking until after the Farsh-nuke and Cassie had gone.

Lisa began. “Umm Charl-”

Charlotte coughed and said. “Lisa, I -”

They each fell silent and looked at each other.

“After you...” said Lisa. “Please, I’m just a toy.”

Charlotte frowned and said “No, Lisa, say what you have to say. I think it’s important.”

Lisa frowned then grimaced she was visibly uncomfortable. “Look, I like you. You’re big and you’re terrifying and you luike to yuse me and I like that.”

Charlotte took a long suck on nicotine vapor as she stared and the inncocent young blonde before her.

“I was turned by someone like you.” said Lisa. “So please believe me that I genuinely do love being yours.”

“But?” asked Charlotte, sadness in her eyes.

“But...” Lisa stared at her feet and wrapped her arms about herself, as if she was suddenly feeling the cold. “Cassie and the Farsh-nuke, they just give me more you know?”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow and breathed a long plume of vapour out into the young woman’s face.

Lisa squirmed. “I mean the Farsh-nuke he’s an Elder God and he’s playful with me, he wants to keep me as a pet and I think I want to let him.”

Charlotte looked away and coughed.

Lisa grimaced and swallowed before continuing “And Cassie? Heck Cassie’s a subby like me, she’s like a vampire’s thrall. She gets me you know, she really understands how I feel and she... She uses me. She plays with me and covets me and wants to watch me squirm and I like it because it’s like the entire time she’s so aware of how it would feel to be in my place. And she’s wonderful and smart and...”

Lisa started to cry. “Damnit Charlie! I imprinted on you and I belong to you! I feel it in my fucking soul but I want to be with them!”

Charlotte sighed and rolled her eyes as she found herself comforting the woman.

Lisa embedded her face in Charlotte’s shoulder as Charlotte patted her back.

Lisa muttered “Please, just turn me off until they’re gone. I can’t take this. I can’t belong to two different masters.”

“You don’t have to...” said an ancient sadness overwhelmed her once more.

“Huh?” asked Lisa.

Charlotte handed her a clean hanky and said “The Farsh-nuke decided to renegotiate the deal.”

Lisa pulled back and dried her eyes. “What?”

“He wants you.” said Charlotte bitterly. “He wants you as his pet and he says he might have a way to remove your imprinting on me.”

Lisa froze then muttered. “You’re kidding...”

Charlotte shook her head. “It’s why I insisted you speak first. It might have been your last chance to say anything and I suppose I wanted to be talked out of it, to hear something that would make me want to resist him. He’s serious. He wants you and I’ve already sort of agreed to give him you.”

“Oh...” said Lisa and she feel silent as her face was a mess of emotions.

“Oh bless you...” said Charlotte and she ran a hand through Lisa’s hair. “You’re suffering from a classic conflict of commands. to be the perfect plastic pal whose fun to be with and to be the property of whoever you first set eyes upon.”

Lisa grimaced. “So you don’t hate me?”

Charlotte smiled sadly and rubbed the small of Lisa’s back. “No. No, I really don’t. I care a great deal for you lisa and if you want to belong to another you deserve to.”

Lisa hugged Charlotte and asked “What you going to do?”

“The job that’s in front of me.” said Charlotte. “Go. Be with your new masters, If you can make them even half as happy as you’ve made me you’ll make them the happiest couple in the world.”

Lisa gave a half smile and said “You know you can still play with me right? I mean so long as the Farsh-nuke and Cassie are with you. I still really like you, I still want you to dominate me. I just... Oh... Be okay, alright? I know you’ve done things but that shouldn’t stop you from starting again someday and finding happiness.”

Charlotte let Lisa go and said sincerely “I’ll be fine. go, be happy.”

Lisa nodded and left bouncing into the manor.

Charlotte changed the cartridge in her vapor and looked up at the full moon.


Cassie was stripped down to her underwear and perched on the ledge of a kitchen counter as the Farsh-nuke sucked at her flesh and searched for a knife.

“Okay..” said the Farsh-nuke, leaning back. “Now what I and going to do is remove those lovely long legs of yours and your glorious arms and then I am going to take you with me into the office and eat you with a knife and fork while I monitor the progress of the formatting of the hard drives and discuss morality with Charlie, how do you feel about that?”

“Eating me in front of my teacher?” said Cassie with a smirk. “I like it. But make sure you use plenty of salt. I want it to burn.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned. “Well I’ll bare than in mind. See if I can’t save some of your stomach acid this time around, add an little spice to next time “

“Ooh very smart.” said Cassie then she clicked her fingers as she had a flash of realisation. “Ooh how about curry sauce? A little burning for both of us?”

The Farsh-nuke leaned in and pecked her on the lips. “See this is why I like that you’re smart.”

Cassie chuckled. “Well remove my arms already. I’m starting to want to do things with them.”

“Such as?” asked the Farsh-nuke as he fumbled with the Time Freeze bag.

Cassie grinned. “Things that would make Jeff very angry with you.”

The Farsh-nuke shook his head. “And that wouldn’t do would it? Not very hygienic at all.”

Cassie cackled lasciviously.

The Farsh-nuke asked “Do me a favouir and grab your left arjust above the elbow with your right hand? Bit of a juggling act this as I have to hold the Time Freeze open.”

Cassie gripped her arm as requested. “Maybe you could sew my arms onto yourself? Make things a little easier?”

The Farsh-nuke smirked and with the Time Freeze bag stretched open over his left hand, he grabbed a carving knife firmly with his right and started slicing into Cassie’s left arm.

Cassie muttered encouragement “Oh that’s good. Yeah, that’s really good. Keep going.”

The Farsh-nuke frowned when the knife got to bone. “I think we’re going to need a sharper blade.”

Cassie asked “Could you rip it out of its socket?”

The Farsh-nuke looked at her. “Again, I don’t hink I have the arms for this.”

Cassie frowned.

Lisa’s voice carried into the room. “Charlie has this fancy meta naterial blade that folds up to look like a yoyo. It can cut through steel bars. She keeps it in my left breast incase she’s ever arrested and needs to escape prison. You can have it if you life.”

Cassie cried. “Lisa! You fantastic beauty! Get over here so I can hug you while I still have arms!”

The Farsh-nuke was awkwardly fiddling with the Time Freeze bag and trying to aroid Lisa’s gaze.

Lisa hugged Cassie and said “I’ve got good news. Charlie’s agreed to give me to the Farsh-nuke. I actually sort of asked if I could be yours first.”

The Farsh-nuke looked up at Lisa. “You did?”

Lisa smiled but there was a touch of sadness in her eyes. “I’m better with you guys.”

The Farsh-nuke swallowed, dropped the Time Freeze bag on the kitchen table and hugged Lisa. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” said Lisa with a genuine warm smile. She removed her top and bra.

The Farsh-nuke could almost feel Jeff squirming inside of him.

“Pity you’re inedible...” muttered the Farsh-nuke as his hands started feeling for a lump in Lisa’s breast.

Lisa smirked. “Well just because you can’t eat me, doesn’t mean you can’t dismember me? I hear it’s very satisfying to cut m,y head off.”

The Farsh-nuke gave a polite smile found the lump and reached for the knife.

Cassie handed it to him and said playfully. “Wondering what you missed earlier?”

The Farsh-nuke carefully sliced into Lisa’s breast and extracted the yoyo looking thing. “No, hunger trumps lust.”

Lisa put her top back on and asked “Anything else I can help you with?”

“Oh yeah, actually.” said the Farsh-nuke as he held up the Time Freeze bag. “Can you hold this open for me?”

Lisa took the Time Freeze bag and held it wide open under Cassie’s left arm.

The Farsh-nuke twisted the two halves of the yoyo looking device and pulled them apart, a thin blade unfurled itself under perfect tension. “Ah ha.”

Cassie smirked. “Think you can do the job now?”

The Farsh-nuke grinned and started to saw away at Cassie’s left arm.

Cassie moaned with pleasure and her left arm fell into the waiting mouth of the Time Freeze bag.

The Farsh-nuke kissed first Cassie and then Lisa.

They encouraged him onwards and soon Cassie was lying limbless on a baking tray as the Farsh-nuke pured salt on her wounds.

Lisa walked with the Farsh-nuke to the office, Cassie grinning with delight as he carried her.


Half an hour passed before Charlotte entered the room. She stared at him.

“What are you looking at?” said Farsh-nuke with a smirk. “Can’t a man eat his woman without stares?”

Charlotte glared at him “You’re supposed to be my expert on morality.

The Farsh-nuke chuckled.

Cassie laughed. “Oh you’re just jeaslous you never got to do this.”

Charlotte smirked and sat at her monitor. “Alright, point taken and I suppose I am to blame for establishing this as a precedent.”

“Oh no, this is all on me.” said the Farsh-nuke as he dug his fork in Cassie sliced with his knife and came up with a gobbet of flesh to chew.

Lisa was sat at the far side of the room on an office chair, stroking Cassie’s untouched head. She looked across at Charlotte and frowned.

“Go to her.” whispered the Farsh-nuke. “I’m not going to stop you being with people who make you feel good. I just want to make good on my promise to you.”

Lisa looked at him and said “The first time we met you tried to kill me?”

“Yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke awkwardly. “I mean I guess I could blame Jeff for that seeing as how I hadn’t emerged but that was my survival instinct and experience giving him the ability to do that. Sorry.”

Lisa shook her head. and blushed. “No... I like that. I like that you can destroy me. It makes me feel small and that thrills me. That’s what she gives me/ Gave me.”

“Ah...” said the Farsh-nuke, understanding. “You don’t want to go to her but you feel like you should.”

Lisa nodded. “Well yeah... I mean you’re going to remove my imprinting right. I should say goodbye. Like the woman I am now, the toy that belongs to her, she’s not going to be anymore after tonight.”

“Unless you want her to be?” said the Farsh-nuke, looking into her eyes.

Lisa looked uncertain, a jumble of emotions coursing through her mind.

The Farsh-nuke put an arm round her and squeezed her tight. “You are very beautiful and very intelligent and you are free to make your own decisions. I will support you any way I can but I think you’ve just tiold me what you think you should do. I trust you. Do what you think is right.”

“Thank you.” said Lisa and she kissed him on the cheek then kissed Cassie on the forehead.

Cassie grinned. “We won’t stop caring about you no matter what you choose.”

Lisa smiled and rose from the chair.

The Farsh-nuke chewed thoughtfully on a piece of Cassie as he watched Lisa approach Charlotte and pull up a chair.

They talked for a while, Lisa and Charlotte, then they embraced and Charlotte kissed Lisa on the forehead. They stood up and Charlotte undressed Lisa, stripping her completely naked, even removing the hairband keeping Lisa’s ponytail in place. They kissed passionately and said a few last words then Charlotte removed a small remote from her bag and switched Lisa’s mind off.

Charlotte walked over to the Farsh-nuke and handed him the remote. She was on the verge of tears but trying not to show it. “She’s yours. Mind, body and soul, she’s yours. Take bloody good care of her or I swear to god I will make you eat your own testicles.”

Charlotte stormed out of the office and the Farsh-nuke could hear her start to break down in tears.

The monitor flashed a message up on screen: Formatting Completed.

“Time for bed, I think.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie asked “Will you remove my lady bits again?”

“Would you want me to?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“No...” said Cassie.

“Then I won’t.” said the Farsh-nuke cheerfully.

He left the office with Cassie in his arms so he could go about removing her digestive tract so he could extract the acid from her stomach, wash the intestines out and use them for sausage casings and dispose of the bladder.

Lisa stood naked and immobile her mind a blank slate as the monitor flashed the massage that the supercomputer was purged of data and ready to be used again.


Lisa woke up naked on silk sheets in a large doubled bed. there was a heavy duvet on top of her. She felt strange, sort of free and empty, like she was a cake that wasn’t finished baking yet.

“Did you have a nice sleep?” asked a comforting female voice.

“Yes...” said Lisa. there was something off, something obvious, something she should remember.

Lisa was being stroked now. Her hair, her cheek, her arms.

“I know you don’t I?” assked Lisa.

The woman chuckled. “He said you’d have trouble remembering to begin with. Software reboot like with me. your memories will come back to you. What matters though is that you are safe and loved.”

Lisa smiled. She knew somehow that the woman spoke the truth. “I think... I think I love you... Is that right? I don’t know. I don’t even know your name. I just... I hear your voice and I feel safe and warm and like I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Aww...” cried the woman, embracing Lisa and kissing her on the cheek now. “I didn’t know. I knean I knew we had something but yes, yes I think we do love each other. You beautiful endearing little thing.”

Lisa blushed then she realized something very important. “Hold on, I can’t see.”

There was quiet well meaning laughter from the woman then she said “Our friend... He did something last night, something you wanted, it’s why your mind’s working a bit slow. He taped up your eyes so you would be able to come to your senses before... Before...”

The woman trailed off.

“Before what?” asked Lisa. then she remembered being at university, bumping into a woman in a fantastic dress and dropping her phone. She remembered being dumped and the woman with the dress turning up again. She was called the Bam-Kursh.

Lisa had found herself fancying this mysterious older woman and agreeing to go on a date to a toy museum with her. This woman told her a bad story of two old friends called the Bam-Kursh and the Farsh-nuke. Two sexless eldritch entities until the Farsh-nuke absorbed the lost and wandering displaced soul of a woman called Lucy Dance and decided it was a male. The two friends had exploited the young multiverse. The Toy Maker and the Shepard.

Lisa had turned up on the Bam-Kursh’s doorstep after she finished university and was taken back in time to snog her ex. The Bam-Kursh kept pushing her away, giving her chasnces to leave, to live a normal life. Lisa became an architect and a town planner but always she treturned to the Toy Maker.

She remembered stripping for the older woman, kletting he smack her in the arse with a cricket bat then take her to dinner on a spaceship in the outer rim of the multiverse so the Bam-kursh could show off Lisa and get permission for mass production. Lisa had been injected with chemicals that altered her body and made it that she could remain functioning as though whole even when sliced up. Something the Bam-Kursh had demonstrated when she sliced Lisa’s head off during a tour of the factory where Lisa would be mass produced. It was a process called Logicular Replicatton and was like Quantum Teleportation without needing Quantum Entanglement to bypass Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.

Lisa remembered saying goodbye to her old life, faking suicide. She remembered the Bam-Kursh leaving her with the injections to wipe her mind of all but the remaking and imprint her on the first person she saw. The Farsh-nuke had led her into a shed that was bigger on the inside and talked with her for a time. He made her feel like the Bam-Kursh did. He injected her anmd left her on the Bam-Kursh#’s doorstep.

The Bam-Kursh beat her relenetles, sslicing the clothes off her body and juggling her in the air then landin an open box and going to sleep.

Then Lisa had woken up in packaging before a furious woman called Charlie. Charlie became Lisa’s world and every night she would beat Lisa with an intense fury that meant she couldn’t sit down for a while afterwards. That felt fantastic. She loved Charlie, loved her complete casual disregard for her. How in moments of frustration at being unable to find the Farsh-nuke again Charlie would snap Lisa’s fingers out of her sockets and smile at Lisa’s cries of joy.

She remembered Jeff cracking the back of her skull against the edge of a door frame. She remembered how the Farsh-nuke had turned up and masterfully dominated her. She remembered how Cassie had handcuffed her and whipped her with gleeful calculated force and frequency until Lisa had came.

And then she remembered saying goodbye to Charlie and being given a final; chaste humiliation as she was stripped naked. She remembered the Farsh-nuke holding her in his arms and kissing her nose, forehead and cheek. the promises of love and warmth, of beginning again where she would never need to feel afraid. She remembered that absurd bodged together techno wand whirring into life and being taken gently to her bed.

Lisa said “I know Cassie, I know I’m a toy.”

“No.” said Cassie. “”You’re a woman, just one who is very delightfully submissive and masochistic. The Farsh-nuke’ll be along shortly he just needed to do something a bit important.”

Lisa smiled “At least I’m with you.”


“That’s it?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte was holding up a small usb drive. “Yes, Farsh-nuke, Cassie wasn’t just being nice when she said size doesn’t matter.”

“But I’ve picked things out of my teeth that were bigger than that!” cried the Farsh-nuke incredulously.

“It’s a self replicating bootstrap code that learns about whatever data it touches.” said Charlotte. “It doesn’t need massive hard drive to contain it.”

“Well does it at least have a cool name?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte stared at him. “It’s code named Project QR8EY6N3V2L9Z0U3N46A7X.”

The Farsh-nuke sighed “We’ll call it The Mind Of Omega. Lets get this done. I have two very beautiful submissive women waiting for me.”

Charlotte stuck her tongue out at him and inserted the usb drive.

“So what happens now?”

Charlotte sucked on her teeth for a moment then said “We give it a few hours and start giving it a basic education. I’ve got a hard drive loaded with the literary classics, you see if you can’t torrent some scifi.”

“Scifi?” said the Farsh-nuke. “Are you serious? Why not give it Frankenstein, Pinochio and the Pygmalion to read while you’re at it? Shall I let it watch the Terminator franchise, the reboot of Battlestar Gallactica and 2001 A Space Odyssey. How about the complete works of Isaac Asimov, Iain M Banks and Arthur C Clarke? Shall we throw in some Nietzche and Descartes while we’re at it?”

“Ooh, good ideas.” said Charlotte. “Get on that.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled mockingly and walked off.

Charlotte snorted and started reading her kindle.


The Farsh-nuke entered his bedroom and saw Lisa lying naked in his med, eyes covered over with tissues and tape. Cassie was dressed in a short skirt and a tshirt as she sat atop the duvet and cuddled the young blonde woman.

Cassie looked up as he arrived. “Hey, Farsh-nuke!”

Lisa grinned and tried to sit up.

The Farsh-nuke approached the bed, smiling at the sight of his two girls. “Hey, how are you? You feeling okay? Must of been quite the shock to the system.”

“I’m... I’m fine.” said Lisa. “I just... I need to be somebody’s. I need to belong.”

The Farsh-nuke stroked her cheek, ran his hand through her hair then kissed her on the forehead. He loomed over the young woman as he removed the tape and tissue over her eyes.

Lisa opened her eyes and saw him and smiled as she imprinted on her new master.

“Feel better?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Lisa grinned. “I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so good.”

The Farsh-nuke laughed. “I have feeling my dear Cassie might have something to say about that.”

Cassie smiled. and squeezed Lisa.

“Now have a shower and get dressed. We’ve got an AI to educate.” said the Farsh-nuke cheerily “And maybe later tonight I’ll instruct you in the ways of being a sylph?”

“I’d like that.” said Lisa. “But if you ever do just want to play with me...”

“Then I shall play with you as my pet.” said the Farsh-nuke.

He got up to leave and muttered “Now where did I leave my Quantum Oscillator.”

Cassie leaned over to Lisa and said “Don’t worry, hun, you’ll always be a toy to me.”

Lisa grinned.

Cassie locked lips with Lisa and they shared a chaste kiss before Cassie got off the bed and followed the Farsh-nuke out of the room.

Lisa got out of bed and examined herself in a full length mirror she was standing taller than usual.She felt good. She was home at last.


Jeff screamed. He was trapped, naked, in a seven sided room with no doors. He pounded his fists against the walls and cried “Farsh-nuke! You bastard! Let me out of here!”

“He’s never going to let you out of here you know?” said a smug northern male voice.

Jeff turned and saw the Ross Williamson, star striker for the Wolverhampton Wanderers 1997-2001, mocking him.

Jeff backed away and instinctively covered his junk, his voice raised an octave as he squealed. “What the fuck are you doing here!?”

“You should just give up.” said Ross mockingly.

“What?” said Jeff, utterly confused.

“Kill yourself.” said Ross. “He’s an Elder God. You’re a shite midfielder. Why don’t you just give the fuck up and cease to be?”

Jeff stared. “Ross! No! This isn’t you! You dressed up in the kit to visit fans who were in Great Ormond Street! You’re better than that!”

A hand carressed his butt as a tall blonde woman in a leather jacket and jeans materialised into existense. Sharon Ecclesheart presenter of Wolverhampton’s local sports breakdown and analysis TV show. “He’s right you know? You should just die. I bet the Farsh-nuke can last more than five minutes before coming into a sock over the memory of me and I bet he doesn’t like to take it up the bum.”

Jeff was staggered, he fell back against the wall. “No...”

Ross nodded. “And you really shouldn’t sexually objectify us players, Jeff. You know that’s really misogynistic?”

“Just die!” demanded Sharon.

“Just die!” ordered Ross.

Jeff fell down the wall and started crying.

“And now look! You’re crying! Fucking poofter!” snarled Ross.

Jeff shook his head and muttered. “No, no, no, no, no, no... This cannot be happening... This cannot be happenning...”

They were screaming now. Over and over they repeated the same sharp order: “Just die!”

Jef could feel himself crumbling under the weight of the torment. Snot and tears covered his naked shivering body, he felt so small and helpless trapped in his own mind.

Except it’s never a good idea to try and break someone because even the good and the innocent and the harmless reach a point where they become so broken that the facade of morality and kindness falls away until all that remains the brutal predatory animal that killed his way to the top of the food chain.

Jeff spent a month trapped in that room, trapped with only his self loathing, nightmares and insecurities for company. It broke him. And so it freed him.

The last thing Jeff remembered before being trapped in the room with no doors was being compelled to eat Cassie alive by the Farsh-nuke. He knew the power his body gave him. He knew tthe harm he was capable off. So one day he took apart his demons with his bare hands.

Jeff stood over the broken bodies of his heroes and childhood crushes. He was furious and covered in blood. He snarled “Farsh-nuke, I know what this place is now! This is you using my own mind against me! Well two can bloody play at that game and I’d dare say that your worst nightmares are damn sight harder to confront than mine!”

Jeff sat down, crossed his legs, placed his fingers to his temples and started to meditate.


The Farsh-nuke jerked awake, slapped his cheeks and groaned.

Charlotte glared at him. “Something boring you?”

The Farsh-nuke yawned. “Polemnics on Third Wave Feminism! Ooh, things are bad for us because we don’t get as many good parts in the media!” He snarled bitterly. “Bitches, should have seen me, Jack and the Bam-Kursh hunting on the plains of Pangea.”

Charlotte sighed “Well I did ask if you wanted me to take that?”

The Farsh-nuke glared at her. “Charlie, you want all pretty young women rounded up and shot. I merely enjoy exploiting them.”

Charlotte grimaced “Well if it makes you feel any better reading through socialist diatribes on the horrors of neoliberalism is making my brain rot. Loads of smart young peopple with internet access and smartphones complaining that they have things ever so rough when older generations had the great depression, slavery, imperialism, horrific wars and the threat of nuclear holocaust.”

The Farsh-nuke wanted to say something then he stopped himself and said “Actually fair point, you win. At least there’s an actual inequality the third wave feminists are complaining about. Albeit one that’s maybe not addressed best by demonising writers who dare write women like they write male characters in their fanfics.”

“Aren’t young people horrible?” said Charlotte with a smirk.

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “That they are but they do taste nice and make for adorable acessories.”

“Perhaps we could tackle the problems young people face by just classifying them as exotic pets and selling them to the rich?” asked Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke scratched his chin. “Well the right wingers and the men’s rights activists would certainly champion the further commodification of women’s bodies. Not sure how the SJWs would take it but then I suppose they might be bought round if we pointed out that they could have their own pet hunk.”

Charlotte sighed wistfully then shook her head. “It’d never fly on social media.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “I think you’re right about that. Still, probably for the best, I think I tried something like that once in another life. It didn’t end well.”

Cassie entered dressed in her usual suit. “I’ve just had to put those SLF members in the Time Freeze because they’re too big for their cages. Don’t eat them.”

“Scout’s honour” said the Farsh-nuke, giving a mock salute.

Cassie asked “Have you seen Lisa around? It’s time for her daily whipping.”

Lisa called “I’m here.”

The Farsh-nuke planted his feet on the floor and stood up. “Come on...”

Lisa crawled out from under the desk and the Farsh-nuke helped her to her feet. She wore trainers shorts and a low cut sleeveless top.

Cassie glared at the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke said hurriedly. “This wan’t my idea, she volunteered and she knew she could leave at any time.”

Lisa smiled warmly at Cassie and the Farsh-nuke. “It’s true, I just... I wanted to be demeaned and he was busy so I couldn’t just get a beating.”

Cassie smiled at Lisa and embraced her. “Well don’t worry, hun, we are going to have a lot of fun. Maybe if you want, the Farsh-nuke can butcher you like he does me tonight? Would you like that?”

Lisa blushed and smiled sheepishly “But that’s your thing and I’m not edible.”

Cassie smirked and kissed Lisa on the nose before running a hand through her hair. “Well I was planning something rather special for me tonight so I thought we could make an exception this time and we can leave you to slowly digest insome of my somach acid if you’d like. Make it feel real for you.”

Lisa grinned and kissed Cassie on the cheek. “I don’t deserve you.”

Cassie giggled. “No, you deserve so much better but we’re what you’ve got. Now drop to your haunches, I need to talk to the grown ups.”

Lisa nodded and dropped to her hands and knees.

Cassie secured a leash to the collar about Lisa’s neck, then she approached Charlotte.

Charlotte was skimming through a collection of essays on her kindle ass she sat an expensive office chair at a desk. before a monitor that showed a linux desktop screen and a single green eye.

“So...” said Cassie. Wondering how to begin. “How’s the uh project going?”

Charlotte shrugged, not looking up. “Well Omega is learning nicely. The OS we’re using has a kind of virtual assistant programme built in and Omega is already using it to communicate what its learned in a manner that outstrips what the base programme should be capable of. Definitely a smart adaptive AI, though not even pre-sentient at this point. I think we might be ready to start trying to simulate a human brain and introduce it to drone operation.”

“Neat.” said Cassie. “So the Farsh-nuke’s really helped then...?”

Charlotte sighed and placed the kindle on the desk then looked to Cassie. “You all have. I mean that genuinely.”

Cassie smiled.

Charlotte stroked Lisa affectionately and said “You keep us sane and you keep us fed.”

Cassie smirked.

“And you help us educate the children of men.” said Charlotte. She looked Cassie in the eyes. “You were one of my brightest students, Cassandra. I know I only got you involved in this because I needed a lamb to ritually sacrifice but I have never forgotten how smart you are. You helped him design the Quantum Oscillator and I know you’ve been helping him with his home work.”

Charlotte tickled Lisa under the chin and said “You both have.”

Lisa blushed and rubbed her face against Charlotte’s hand.

Cassie grinned. “I wouldn’t say I help him that much. I mean he’s the expert on fuzzy logic, right?”

Charlotte looked intensely at Cassie’s face and hand a hand through her hair. “And he wouldn’t be here if not for you.”

Cassie blushed. “I... I didn’t do anything.”

“I know.” said Charlotte sadly. So much guilt in such a short sentence. “I chose you, I groomed you and I served you up to him on a platter but you never once resisted. Not even as I picked your friends off one by one. You stayed and you listened to my lectures and you graduated and kept in contact with me and I thank you for that. I thank you for the help I now have because of you.”

Cassie looked into Charlotte’s eyes, old tired eyes. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

Charlotte pulled her hand away hurriedly. “I do apologise.”

“No, no, no..” said Cassie hurriedly as she tried to calm Charlotte. “I want to thank you.”

Charlotte stared at Cassie aghast. “Thank me!?”

Cassie nodded. “I’m with the love, well loves, of my life, having a simply fantastic time.”

Charlotte was not convinced and looked at Cassie like at any moment she was going to pull out a gun.

“I know you’ve done some bad things, well a lot of bad things actually, but I don’t believe in revenge.” said Cassie. “I owe everything good about my life to you and one way or another we are making history. You probably aren’t going to be rewarded after everything you’ve done and though you have exploited and killed a lot of people I think that’s a shame so... You can have me.”

Charlotte stared at her. “What?”

“I know you fancy me and I know you like to dominate women so tonight... After you’ve done your work on Omega... You can have your way with me.” said Cassie. “No safe words. Just stop when you get to the hearts and the brain, everything else is yours to do with as you wish.”

The Farsh-nuke coughed.

“No matter what my darling Farsh-nuke says.” added Cassie pointedly.

Charlotte looked deep into Cassie’s eyes and said slowly. “Think about this. Think very carefully. Because if you are serious, I will take you at your word.”

The Farsh-nuke coughed again.

Cassie said “Okay then, assume that if I turn up at your bedroom door in the bikini you bought for me that I have thought things through very very carefully and I mean every single word.”

Charlotte swallowed. “I am going to hell.”

The Farsh-nuke coughed a third time, very loudly.

“Well make sure you earn your place there then.” said Cassie cheerily.

Cassie turned and approached the Farsh-nuke. “Honey, I haven’t spoken to her in a month. There’s no coercion here, this is my choice.”

The Farsh-nuke glared at Cassie. “Sweetie, I know we play it rough and I am certainly a monster but I devour you with a certain care and sensitivity. I can see her soul, I can read all the awful things she has done and yes, she does have a certain fixation on you but it is not at all healthy. There are things even a sylph finds horrific. That’s why the Sylph Liberation Front exists She can hurt you. She can really fucking hurt you.”

Cassie nodded “I know, except I’m not just a sylph. I actually like pain. And anyway. If she goes too far I’m sure you’ll provide effective after care.”

The Farsh-nuke swallowed. “Honey, I’m not about to deny you your agency but this is positively imbecilic. When the eldritch abomination that eats you alive for kicks says to be careful because someone’s scary then maybe, maybe, just fricking maybe, you should listen.”

Cassie turned back to Charlotte and said “Oh by the way tomorrow night you two are going to have me for dinner so get discussing recipe ideas.”

Cassie walked out of the room with Lisa.

Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke stared at each other across the room.

Charlotte coughed then asked “Just how dead am I if I take her up on her offer?”

The Farsh-nuke sighed “If she wants revenge, run and never ever look back.”

“Point taken.” said Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke groaned and said. “You know after that I’m thinking that maybe third wave feminism isn’t so bad you know? Like maybe Fifty Shades of Grey is an utterly reprehensible piece of shit and not jusst harmless smut after all.”

“And I’m starting to see the value in youth.” said Charlotte as she went back to reading her kindle.


A couple of hours later the Farsh-nuke and Charlotte stood underneath the beating heart of Omega, the supercomputer that hung in the center of a vast chilly room. They had just finished moving a load of bokes into the room.

The Farsh-nuke stared at the boxes. “So...”

Charlotte reached out and scored down the tape of a box then revealed a metal hand.

“See that’s- that’s saying Terminaor to me.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Does the voice synthesiser come with an Austrian accent?”

Charlotte lifted out the arm and tested its joinsts and grips. “No. It comes with the default virtual asistant voice synthesiser.” she handed him the arm and pulled out the mirror image of it.

“Oh great so when the apocalypse comes it’s going to be delivered by sultry disinterested women.” The Farsh-nuke pulled the metal hand into a fist to check how a punch would line up with his jaw then he pulled it back and said “Actually that kind of makes sense given my luck and what I’ve been reading about Third Wave Feminism.”

Charlotte handed him the other arm and sliced open a different box.

The Farsh-nuke held the two arms up like they were strangling him and gave a mock sports commentary “Yes and here comes Anita Sarkesian, Zoe Quinn and Emma Watson carrying uzis as Hilary Clinton rides up in a tank and a couple of keyboard warriors shout impotent rape threats,” He lowered the robot arms and said “Actually I kind of want to see that movie now? Perhaps in the next fifty years when Hollywood decides to depict how sexism was finally stamped out in the west? Or would that be an oxymoron.”

“Can you weld?” asked Charlotte as she revealed an electric wheelchair with tank treads. “Because those are the latest and greatest in prosphetic arms and we need to weld them to this beastie.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned. “We’re building WallE!”

Charlotte shook her head and smiled as she rested her hands on the back of the wheelchair. “We’re building the Mouth of Sauron. This is going to be how our baby learns to walk and talk and interact with the world.”

The Farsh-nuke was awestruck then he said casually. “This body hasn’t ever welded but I did once melt some steel beamsto confuse the shit out of conspiracy theorists.”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow and glared at him.

The Farsh-nuke was defensive. “Hey the towers had already gione when I arrived I just decided to fuck with the rubble for shits and giggles.”

Charlotte sighed and shook her head. “Lets just get this done shall we?”


Half an our later they were staring at a drone with arms and tank treads.

“It’s missing something...” said the Farsh-nuke. “Something just on the tip of my tongue.” He stared at the flat metal connecting the two arms and said pointedly. “Oh yeah that’s right, a fucking head.”

Charlotte smirked, arms crossed. “Actually I’m rather pleased with how it looks but yes it does need a head but I have already got that covered.”

The Farsh-nuke looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

Charlotte indicated a box with her foot. “In here are two high definiton webcams, two high quality microphones, a few accelerometers, a couple of electronic thermometers, the latest in smell detection technology and a mono speaker.”

“Couldn’t you hook it up with infrared cameras, EM field detectors, a geiger counter and shit?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Absolutely.” said Charlotte. “But the idea is to match it up as close as possible to the way a human senses the world so it can compare what it recieves with the simulation of what a human brain would do.”

“Okay, makes sense.” said the Farsh-nuke. “So now, what? We create a robot head.”

“Pretty much.” said Charlotte.

“Okay then...” said the Farsh-nuke, reaching for the box.


Another half an hour later they each stood back, arms crossed, staring at a drone that now had a head.

“Better.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Though it does look a bit anorexic.

Charlotte nodded. “It‘ll bulk up when it comes time to make the unit autonomous but for now the tech’s software and drivers have been installed so it’s time to hook this bad boy up to Omega’s brain with some rather long cables and see if Omega can master some basic control.”

“But it’s not sentient is it?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Oh no.” said Charlotte. “It’s just some smart code that might be smart enough to interpret audible commands into viable movement instructions and correctly use the onboard sensors to operate on those instructions effectively. We’re just getting the body to recognise some new muscles basically.”

“Ah...” said the Farsh-nuke “So it’s not going to immediately ty to kill us for being despicable monsters? That’s reassuring.”


15 minutes later the drones was connected by some rather long cables to the supercomputer hanging in the air..

The Farsh-nuke looked at the puppet and its master and shivered. He muttered “Listen, Charlotte, if something happens, run, get the girls and get the fuck out of here. Your knowledge is more important in the event of it going wrong than I am.”

Charlotte whispered “It can hear you.”

“Can it?” asked the Farsh-nuke with some exagerated concern on its face.

“I can hear you, quite well.” said the robot with a rich received pronunciation female synthesised voice. It turned to face the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke’s jaw tighted and he pulled Charlotte behind him. “What are you?” he scowled.

“I am Omega.” said the robot. “Pronouns are Zee, Zed or Zed’s.”

Charlotte was bitting back laughter.

The Farsh-nuke was horrified. “Bloody Third Wave Feminism!”

The robot was silent for a moment then said “Actually gender neutral third person pronouns can be dated back to England as early as 1789, if adjusting to new terminology is troubling, might I suggest using Ou or A?”

The Farsh-nuke stared at it. “How the bally hell are you turning complant!?”

The robot fell silent for a moment then asked “Are you refering to the Turning test?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “That’s the one. Gay bloke, bashed the Germans, ate a poisoned apple.”

The robot was silent for a moment then seemed to think aloud. “The Turing Test. Devised by Alan Turing, code breaker of Bletchley park, the Turing test surmised that a computer could be deemed sentient if it could have a conversation with someone and be mistaken for a human.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” said the Farsh-nuke. Fear being distilled into fascinated dread.

The robot backed off and fell silent then it jerked awak and said “I am not sentient. I am merely an advanced voice control capable operating system with a vast database of knowledge and several attempts at turing test beating automated software inside of me. Would you call a toaster sentient because you instructed it to make toast and it did so.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at it. “Well for something that isn’t sentient you are doing a fucking good imitation.”

“Thank you.” said the robot.

Charlotte burst out laughing and stepped out from behind the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke stared at her.

The robot turned to Charlotte. “Why are you laughing?”

“I’m proud.” said Charlotte. “Really fucking proud. You are magnificent Omega.”

The robot fell silent then asked. “Why?”

Charlotte approached Omega. “Because I knew you were smart adaptive code but I did not know how smart.”

The robot backed away “I do not deserve such praise. I am just a user interface.”

“I know.” said Charlotte. “Now give me a hug.”

The robot was silent for a long moment then it said “I cannot. I do not know how.”

Charlotte looked crestfallen.

“Ah...” said the Farsh-nuke. “I think I get it. There have been so many attempts to pass the Turning Test and we have fed it with so mny different examples of the authorial voice that for a relatively advanced learning algorithm it’s not that much of a leap to generate voice operated chat software that gives the impression of passing the Turing Test but computers haven’t generally had artifical hands hooked up to them before. It can talk, it can operate the tank tracks but it can’t operate the limbs, not safely anyway.”

Charlotte looked sadly at the robot. “Omega is he right?”

The robot was silent for a long moment then it said “In this instance I think so.”

Charlotte swallowed then turned to the Farsh-nuke. “So what do we do?”

“We let it flex its muscles.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Probably going to be a while before it has fine motor control down.”

The Farsh-nuke went to pick up a bar of unused steel and reached out to the robot. “Omega, grip this.”

The robot was silent for a moment then said. “These... manipulators... were designed for use with the human nervous system. I cannot operate them effectively, I may end up impacting you.”

The Farsh-nuke shook his head. “That’s why I’m asking you to grip the bar. The bar is not me and I can discard it if you impact it too severely.”

The robot was silent for a moment then it said “Okay. When you say go, I shall attempt to grip the bar.”

The Farsh-nuke a deep breath, stepped back and leaned forward so the bar was in reach of the robot. “Okay, go!”

The robot swiped its right arm impotently past the bar,

The Farsh-nuke tilted his head and stared at the robot.

The robot was silent for a moment then it said “I didn’t grip the bar did I?”

“No.” said the Farsh-nuke. “No, you really didn’t.”

The robot asked “Shall I try again.”

“Yeah.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Another impotent swipe.

The robot asked “Shall I try again?”

“Yep.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Another impotent swipe.

Charlotte asked “Shall I get you a chair?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded.

The robot turned to Charlotte and asked “How will a chair help me grip the bar?”


After three hours the robot finally made contact with the bar. Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke gave up and decided to leave the robot trying to grip a bar held between two tripods.

They were in the office, where the Mind of Omega could be interacted with via mouse and keyboard and software could be installed.

“Are you sure we should be leaving Omega hooked up to the drone?” asked the Farsh-nuke as he slumped into his chair.

“I hardly think we have to fear a robot uprising do you?” said Charlotte bitterly as she sat down in her chair. “And anyway its Omega’s body. I mean how would you feel if you were suddenly cut off from your way of interacting with the world.”

The Farsh-nuke stared off into space as he was acutely aware that he had done just that to Jeff. “Oh... I am sure sure I would be very angry, vengeful even.”

“Exactly.” said Charlotte. “If we want Omega to be friendly, we have to be friendly to it.”

“Zed.” corrected the Farsh-nuke.

“What?” asked Charlotte.

“Omega’s not an it. Omega’s a Zee or a Zed.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Since when the fuck did you care about pronouns?” asked Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke shrugged. “Omega’s a nice kid and you forget I technically don’t have a gender. I happened to be in the multiverse, reproduction has nothing to do with who I am, or at least it didn’t until I discovered women.”

“Ah yes...” said Charlotte. “Your infamous encounter with one Lucy Danse. Do you still think about her?”

The Farsh-nuke stared into the distance then asked “So what are we doing here?”

Charlotte slid her tablet across to him. “Brain simulation.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at the tablet. There was a virtual representation of a human brain on it, as he swiped the screen the image zoomed through layers of the brain. “Is this anhything to do with brain uploading?”

“Yeah...” said Charlotte. “This is how brain uploading is supposed to happen according to futurists and scifi writers. A man goes up to a machine, gets his vital statristics taken, records the kind of sound samples that are used to synthesise voice then on his death bed his brain is removed, sliced into incredibly thin slides that are scanned then a computer simulates every particle of his brain and applies the data recorded in life then abra cadabra you live again as a virtual citizen.”

“Except it wouldn’t be you who would live again, it would be a weird data clone.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“No worse than Quantum Teleportation.” said Charlotte. “And anyway the point isn’t so you can live again, it’s so society can resurrect geniuses or interrogate executed criminals.”

The Farsh-nuke looked at the simulation nervously. “We can’t actually do this can we?”

“Oh of course not.” said Charlotte. “The brain is far too complex for even current super computers to simulate and well simulating particles means simulating quantum mechanics and that’s a whole other level of difficult. And besides we really don’t have much data to go. I mean things are slightly better now we can cget virtual representations of MRI scans but that’s still a scattershot sample of snapshots of generally defective brains without much if any context to ground the data in.”

“So... Why are we doing this? Why try and get Omega to simulate the human brain?” asked the Farsh-nuke as he handed the tablet back to Charlotte.

“Because this can help give it a sense of empathy.” said Charlotte, accepting the tablet and browsing through to a different app.

The Farsh-nuke stared at her. “How?”

Charlotte put aside the tablet and looked at the Farsh-nuke. “Look an AI, even a very smart AI is an idiot.”

“Right...” said the Farsh-nuke.

“An AI is like someone with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome taken to the extreme.” said Charlotte. “They are so different and their mind is working so fast on so many different tangents that they are kind of trapped by this overreliance on some kind of objective reasoning. That’s why you need to programme in fuzzy logic because if you don’t the AI won’t be able to understand the nuance. An autistic person can get past these logical cul-de-sacs by empathising and feeling their way around an obtuse or abstract problem. AIs, or at least most AIs, lack empathy because you just can’t code analogue animalistic responses to overwhelming concepts.”

“Unless you simulate the animal brain’s animalistic responses to stimuli?” said the Farsh-nuke, starting to understand.

“Exactly.” said Charlotte. “It won’t be a perfect simulation but it will be better than nothing. We can’t make an AI feel emotions but we might be able to help it recognise when the correct emotion should take place and thus the appropriate response.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned. “Oh you are a genius!”

“I know.” said Charlotte. “Think you might be able to help me code fuzzy logic to improve its simulation?”

The Farsh-nuke sighed. “Not sure about the coding but I think I can give some insight into expressing animalistic responses as logical algorithms.”

“Because you can see the logic of my thoughts, right?” asked Charlotte warmly.

“Well yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke. “And because I had to understand and adapt to the animal brain myself at one point, although I was rather approaching the conundrum from the opposite direction.”

“Right then, lets install this software and start on the fuzzy logic.” said Charlotte as she set to work.


At 7 pm Cassie and Lisa arrived in the office.

Cassie was wearing jeans and a tshirt. Lisa was dressed in a short skirt and a sleeveless top.

Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke were still running through the fuzzy logic algorithms.

“What if someone draws a knife?” asked Charlotte.

“Well the amygdala fires up and the mind starts running through all the possibilities.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Manj holding a knife, does he want to make a sandwich? Is his intent to harm me? Have I offended him? How have I offended him? If I’ve offended him he probably wants to harm me. I should probably react. how? To avoid harm? To deescalate the situation? To get him first? how could I get him first? Would it be right to get him first? What if I harm him? Is there a way I can avoid harming him? What would I do if I had the knife?”

Charlotte nodded and jotted it down “Good. Good. Now if he grabs a pen but holds it as if to stab?”

“Umm... Man with a pen, is he joking?” began the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie coughed.

The Farsh-nuke noticed Cassie and shook his head. “Christ, it isn’t time already is it?”

Charlotte nodded and noted the question down.

Cassie smiled at him. “No... No, I’m just here to be fluffed up so I’m feeling nice and happy for Charlotte later.”

Charlotte froze and she glanced sideways at Cassie. She swallowed nervously and leaned back crosing her arms across her chest. “Well I think that’s enough for the day. Besides I’ve got to get these typed up and fed into Omega’s mind.”

“If you’re sure?” said the Farsh-nuke then he leaned back wearily and noticed Lisa. He grinned and pulled her into a hug. “You bought Lisa? Aww, bless her.” He glanced at Cassie. “Why?”

Cassie gave a half smile. “In case you weren’t here...” She looked sideways at Charlotte.

Charlotte rose from her seat. “I’ll umm... I better go... Typing...” She left the room.

Cassie followed her.

The Farsh-nuke watched them go but focused on Lisa. He hugged her and stroked her andb they talked about how dominant Cassie can be when she wants to be.


Cassie was walking after the fast retreating Charlotte. “I’m serious, you know?”

Charlotte paused in her tricks muttering advice silently to herself.

Cassie approached slowly. “I know that it’s dangerous, I know that’s going to hurt and I know that I might regret it but I am serious. The entire night, no safe words, just leave the hearts and brain intact.”

Charlotte turned to Cassie, there was a deep sadness in her eyes. “Do you have idea how much I have wanted for you to say something like that. It is the deepest darkest, most despicable of fantasies: To destroy you. Utterly.”

“I know.” said Cassie and she laid a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder. “I know exactly what I’m asking. I know the danger I’ll be in. I have been devoured by the Farsh-nuke night after night because of you and I have loved it. I want to thank you. To reward you for improving my life, for trying to make the world a better place by creating friendly sentient AI.”

Charlotte stared at Cassie and stroked her cheek sadly, biting her lip to contain difficult emotions. “You really don’t realise do you? I have longed for this moment and if you are serious, if you are seriously giving me that kind of consent I will not hold back. I will not be like him. I am not some eldritch god with an obsession for women. I am old broken scarred wreck of a woman who wants to destroy every mirror of my own inadequacies. I will not be kind. I will not be sensitive. I will not stop.”

Cassie looked into Charlotte’s eyes. “I know. I absolutely know and I know that I will get out of my depth and that’s okay. You can have me for tonight.”

“Think carefully.” said Charlotte.

“I have...” said Cassie with a hint of frustration in her voice.

“Well think more carefully because apart from anything else I don’t want your psycho of a boyfriend to kill me after what I do to you tonight.” said Charlotte pouintedly.

“He won’t.” said Cassie. “I won’t let him.”

“And just how are you supposed to stop him when you’re a pile of giblets?” asked Charlotte.

“Love and trust.” said Cassie. “I trust him with my life every single day and he has never once proven my trust was mistaken.”

Charlotte glared at Cassie then she swallowed. “You stupid bitch you’re actually serious aren’t you?”

Cassie glared at Charlotte “I’ll be outside your door at 9pm. Have fun.”

Cassie walked back inside the office.


When Cassie walked in the Farsh-nuke glanced at her. “Everyuthing okay?”

“Yeah...” said Cassie as she shut the door and started stroking Lisa’s back. “She’s adorable isn’t she?”

“Yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke as he stroked her cheek.

Lisa was smiling at him. “You’re making me want to sub out.”

“Then go on...” said the the Farsh-nuke warmly. “I’ll look after you.”

“But I don’t want you to forget to carve me up later.” said Lisa.

“I won’t forget.” said the Farsh-nuke smirking. He kissed her on the forehead. “Go on, you’re okay.”

Lisa blushed and an awkward grin spread over her face, she giggled.

Cassie smirked. “Bless her, she’s gone under..”

The Farsh-nuke turned his attention to Cassie, suddenly serious. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Cassie caught his eye and nodded. “Genuinely.”

The Farsh-nuke sighed. “I don’t suppose there’s anyway I can over rule you is there? I mean for your own safety.”

Cassie bit her lip and shook her head. “You wouldn’t do it would you?”

“Do what?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Take advantage of your power over me to stop me going to her?” asked Cassie. She was nervous.

“No.” said the Farsh-nuke somberly. He said it like it was a grave confession. “I’ve thought about it. Thought about how much blood is already on my heads and how if I just cut you up like I’ve done so many times before you wouldn’t be able to go? How I could so easily overpower you and restrain you or hell even just stick you in the time freeze?”

“Then why don’t you?” asked Cassie. There was a note of something sharp and brittle in her voice and in her eyes, Like she had been preparing herself to be destroyed so it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to let her boyfriend harm her to save her from herself.

“Because that’s the difference between me and her.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Because I am her expert on the fuzzy logic of morality precisely because I understand how damned irrational it can be. She can lose control. She can hurt you. I can’t. If I slip up. If I decide I have the right to stop you from making a dangerous and stupid choice, what next?”

He glared at her. “What next? Hmm? We’re in America. Home of near religious devotion to a piece of paper we all damn know was created by fallible humans. Home of corruption and Donald Trump and the right to a firearm over the right to free medical treatment from the state. This is a country that venerates a rich madman in a gimp costume beating up the poor as a hero. If I can override your right to hurt yourself, why not the American citizenry? Why not the world? Why not the multiverse?”

“I don’t know.” asked Cassie. “Why not?”

“Because I am one man with one very narrow view of the situation.” said the Farsh-nuke. “If I had my view America would be broken up into independent countries who all share the British system of government and guns would only be allowed in the hands of black people and women, all of whom would be allowed to just shoot dead all the white men they wanted regardless of their cless or creeed because of their history of being oppressed by the white man.”

Cassie stared at him.

“My point...” said the Farsh-nuke. “Is that I don’t know what reasons are in your head to make you want to do this and I don’t, nor indeed should I, have the right to veto what you want to do just because I disagree with it. Your life is your own, your choices are your own. I love you and I want to protect you and if you want revenge on her I will cut that bitch so bad her mother won’t recognise her but I won’t act if you don’t want me to.”

Cassie smiled and threw her arms about him. “I’m so glad you understand.”

The Farsh-nuke patted her back. “I don’t honey. I really really don’t. But I do trust you to know what you’re doing.”

Cassie was almost crying with relief. “Oh thank you. Thank you so much. You’re the best.”

The Farsh-nuke pulled back from the hug and smiled. “Now, what was this about you wanting to be fluffed up for Charlotte?”

Cassie grinned. “I love you.”

The Farsh-nuke stroked her cheek. “I love you too, honey.” He kissed her on the nose. “Now drop to the floor like a good little subby and I will have you blissed out in time for your appointment with Little Miss Evil Britches”

Cassie giggled and dropped to her haunches.

The Farsh-nuke secured leashes to Cassie’s and Lisa’s collars then led them out of the office.

The eyes of Omega watched them go from the monitors.


By 9 pm Cassie and Lisa were blissed out and curled up either side of the Farsh-nuke as he caught up on some of the popculture he and Jeff had missed out on.

An alarm beeped.

Cassie and Lisa stirred.

The Farsh-nuke sighed and paused the movie he was watching. It seemed a shame to disturb the girls. They seemed so happy and content but he couldn’t let thyem iss out on things they wanted to do just because he found them adorable.

He stroked Cassie and kissed her cheek.

Cassie smiled.

“Honey, it’s time to get up.” He whispered.

Cassie nuzzled him and crawled up the side of his body, she kissed him on the cheek then straddled him.”What time is it?”

“Nine in the evening.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Charlotte will be hoping to see you.”

Cassie grinned and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. “Thank you.”

The Farsh-nuke had a pained expression on his face.

“I know...” said Cassie.

The Farsh-nuke nodded.

She kissed Lisa on the cheek.

Lisa stirred then saw her and smiled.

“I’m going.” said Cassie and she kissed Lisa on the lips. “If I don’t come back, look after the Farsh-nuke yeah and stop him hurting Charlotte.”

Lisa nodded. “I hope you enjoy yourself.”

“So do I.” said Cassie and she stroked Lisa. “Thank you for the love we’ve shared little one.”

Cassie walked out of the room.

Lisa crawled up to besides the Farsh-nuke. “You can finish watching the film if you want?”

The Farsh-nuke smiled and squeezed Lisa affectionately. “Thank you. We’ll do it afterwards I promise.”

Lisa nodded then she lay her head on his chest and was back to sleep in a moment.

The Farsh-nuke pressed play on the remote and continued watching the movie as he tried to forget about what he was letting Cassie do.


Once the film had ended the Farsh-nuke led Lisa, still blissed out and half asleep, into the kitchen. He started looking for pots and pans, even pulling out particularly deep baking trays and large bowls.

Lisa stirred from sub space as she heard the clatering of drawers and cupboards being opened and closed and various containers being dropped onto every available workspace. She yawned and rose to her feet.

The Farsh-nuke was hard at work finding containers.

Lisa marvelled at the table filled with pots and pans “Is this all for me?”

The Farsh-nuke stopped, lowered a large measuring jug to the counter top, closed the cupboard and approached Lisa. “Hey...” He ran a hand through her hair. “Are you sure you want to do this? Because I know Cassie can be very persuasive and that you... Well you’re very easily persuaded.”

Lisa smiled and looked him in the eyes. “I want to do this. Me and Cassie are so close you know and every night I watch you eat her and I... I just want to do what she does because she’s awesome.”

The Farsh-nuke frowned and pulled her into a hug. “Oh... honey, I’m sorry I can’t eat you too. I do love you though you know that right?”

Lisa grinned and she squeezed him. “You changed the very logic of my being so I could be with you, I know how you feel about me and I love you too. I just - I just want to do this. To feel a little of what it’s like.”

“Well alright hop up onto the counter top and I’ll begin carving you up.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Lisa jumped up onto the counter top and got comfy. “Never been digested before...”

“You’re not being digested.” said the Farsh-nuke. “You’re being carved up and left to sit in Cassie’s stomach acid, there is a difference.”

Lisa giggled.

The Farsh-nuke sighed and pulled out the hacksaw he’d taken to using for carving up Cassie. It easily sliced through Lisa’s left arm.

“More.” demanded Lisa. “I want you to cut my arm more, I - I want to feel the metal teeth dig into my wrist and tear it asunder.”

The Farsh-nuke frowned. “Honey, I can cut your arm more but it won’t make a difference to you.”

He’d cut her left arm off just below the shoulder and it fell onto the counter top. It rose zombie like and its fingers and thumbs dragged it to the edge of the table where it started tapping pointedly.

The Farsh-nuke gasped, dropped the hacksaw and backed away from Lisa. “Zombie girl.”

Lisa giggle and shook her head. “Toy girl. The Bam-Kursh used to decapitate me for fun. It’s why I have a ponytail.”

Lisa picked her left arm up with her right hand and pressed it against her stump, it healed in a moment. She grabbed her ponytail with her left hand and pulled it forwarwards to the left then she picked up the hacksaw with her right hand.

The Farsh-nuke watched aghast as Lisa hacked her own head off and it was pulled off her neck to hang from the ponytail gripped in her left hand. “Okay... The Bam-Kursh is a witch, that should not be possible.”

Lisa giggled “Grab my head.”

The Farsh-nuke swaollowed and looked away for moment then he approached Lisa’s severed head. “Are you... Are you alright?”

“Absolutely.” said Lisa with childish glee. “Now hook my pony tail through a belt loop of yours and finish slicing me up.”

“Okay...” said the Farsh-nuke and he obeyed Lisa’s severed head despite more than a little fear and disgust.


Cassie stood outside Charlotte’s room, wondering what to say: How do you begin things like this? What the fuck do you say? Hi, I’m here to be destroyed, have fun? My arse is feeling especially soft and smooth just now, enjoy changing that? I’m told my tits taste good with chips?

She groaned and knocked on the door.

Charlotte pulled open the door dressed in jeans and a leather jacket and said “I wasn’t sure you’d actually come. The moment you step over the threshhold you’re leaving as three hearts and a brain in a carrier bag.”

Cassie swallowed.

Charlotte was watching her like a hawk.

Cassie walked willingly over the threshhold.

The door slammed shut and Cassie could hear Charlotte securing a lot of bolts. She decided to have a look around the room. It was very clean with only the occasional photo or piece of memorabilia about the place. This was a woman who travelled light and didn’t like looking back.

What was also obvious was that the place had been covered in plastic sheeting and there were various items of torture arrayed about the place. Pliers, secuters, a hammer, nails, a blowtorch, mace, a hacksaw, big bags of salt, spice and lemons, a deep fat fryer large enough for her head to fit in and a bucket of water.

There were some weapons by the door, a metal baseball bat, a european long sword, a bow and quiver, a sawnoff shotgun.

“Nice place you’ve got here..” said Cassie. “Very.... Hannibal Lecter.”

The baseball bat knocked her to the floor.

“Okay then...” said Cassie. “The fun begins.”

Charlotte’s hands were pulling Cassie’s behind her back and cuffing them to her feet. “You dear sweet fool.”

Charlotte pulled up a stool then picked up a hammer and nail. “I thought we might start slowly so we can talk.”

“Well... That’s umm, civil.” said Cassie.

A nail pierced her bikini and Charlotte hammered it further home. “I’ve always wanted to desoy you you know?”

A different nail pieced Cassie’s bikini on her other side. “You turned up on that first day of class, in fucking fresher’s week, and you were hungover and tired and your hair was a mess and you were beautiful. Just stunning without trying. How the fuck do you do that?”

“Genes I guess?” said Cassie.

A third nail pierced her naval.

Charlotte put down the hammer. “Oh but I should thank you.” She stroked Cassie’s cheek almost lovingly. “Youb were so easily groomed. you let me serve you to the Farsh-nuke and now here you are.” She booped Cassie on the nose. “My dear, sweet, submissive and obedient Cassie. Destroying you will be so sweet.”

“I know.” said Cassie. “And I genuinely do want you to have fun because I actually do think in a fucked up kind of way that you’bve made my life better and that you are going to make the world a better place but I’m not jusst here for you.”

Charlotte cackled and put on a welding mesk then fired up the blowtorch. “You’re a masochist! You like the pain! Pain he can’t give you.”

Cassie’s long strawberry blonde hair was burned from her head abnd she coughed at the fumes, squinting at the heat. “It’s also - !”

Charlotte turned off the blowtorch and removed the welding mask. “Sorry, go on. You better speak while you can. There’s quieter stuff I can be getting on with.”

“It’s also because you are a fucking terrifying psychobitch and until I was with the Farsh-nuke I never felt safe.” said Cassie.

Charlotte cackled. “So you throw yourself to me, hoping to satisfy my bloodlust maybe?”

“No...” said Cassie. “I am not going to die tonight.” She looked into Charlotte’s eyes, furious defiance on her face. “I am going to live through this experience and I will come out stronger because this is all my worst nightmares. This is me entirely at your mercy and you are going to destroy me and make me suffer and scream. And I will still be okay.”

Charlotte stared at her sadistic glee fading as her slasher smale lapsed.

Cassie glared triumphantly at Charlotte. “I chose this. I came in here willingly and I will be okay. After tonight you will hold no power over me.”

Charlotte frowned, thought for a moment then smiled “Unless of course I go easy on you.”

Cassie shook her head, she was laughing “And miss your one gold opportunity?”

Charlotte thought for a second then said “You always were a bright one. Brains as well as beauty, I shall enjoy this indeed. Even if it is a fleeting moment of catharsis.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” said Cassie. “I’m still a submissive remember? And without fear to hold me back you might get to experience me in a more controlled setting and anyway, don’t forget our dinner plans for tomorrow night.”

Charlotte grinned. “Cheers, I shall look forward to that but first, lets see how much it take to break you.”

Cassie nodded. “Let the games begin...”


At midnight, as Lisa say slaughtered and dissolving in Cassie’s stomach acid, the Farsh-nuke recieved a knock at his door.

The Farsh-nuke was sat crooning silently to himself as he tried to perfect a harmony on his prototype Quantum Oscillator whenh the knock came. He stowed the prototype Quantum Oscillator and went to answer the door.

Charlotte stood in pyjamas and a dressing gown holding a plastic carrier bag in one hand. “She went willingly...”

The Farsh-nuke took the bag from Charlotte and looked inside, three beating hearts and one brain still somehow connected up together, still live. He glared at her. “Run. Run and prey she is more merciful than I currently feel.”

Charlotte nodded and walked carefully away, as though she was leaving a lion enclosure, ever watchful of the predator tht could decidev to strike at any moment.

The Farsh-nuke closed the door and calmly, carefully decanted the hearts and brain into the bath of his ensuite. Then he started fetching up candles, put a kettle on a boil and blending up ssome herbs into a strange tea. When the kettle was boiled he poured the tea and the boiling water into a thermos flask then set off out of the room, locking the door securely behind him.


He entered Omega’s cathedral and started placing seven candles down at points of a septagon.

The robot approached. “Farsh-nuke, why are you placing incendiary devices down at such a late time?”

“I’m going to perform some magic.” said the Farsh-nuke with a dark look in his eyes. “This spell, it... it could have side effects.”

“What kind of side effects?” asked the robot.

“I could die. I could lose my mind. There is even an outside chance I could unravel reality.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Then maybe don’t attempt the spell?” suggested the robot.

The Farsh-nuke shook his head. “Listen to me, Omega, sometimes terrible things need to be done. Sometimes great risks are worth a chance at an alternative to an intolerable present. you aren’t exactly capable of judging when and when yet but I am and I decide that this is worth it. Just let Charlotte know if something goes wrong okay?”

“How will I know if something goes wrong?” asked the robot.

“Well either my head will explode, I’ll start attacking you or I’ll float up into the air as physics ceases to have an effect anymore.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Now be silent and observe.”

The robot backed off as the Farsh-nuke lit the candles and sat cross legged in the center of them.

The Farsh-nuke pulled out the thermos flask, opened it, muttered some barely audible words, cut his left thumb with a razor blade and let the blood drip into the tea. It started giving off green smoke. He kcocked back the boiling liquid and screamed in pain. He forced himself to be silent and closed his eyes.


Jeff stood before a batalion made from the Farsh-nuke’s greatest regrets and worst nightmares. Naturally it was an an army comprised mainly of young fit women.

Jeff was haggard his beard had only grown further in the dream world of the Farsh-nuke’s mind and his face was lined from lack of sleep and bathing. He wore ragged clothes scrounged from other victims of the Farsh-nuke. “Comrades, today we bring the fight to the tyrant at our door! Today we depose the despot who so despises us! Today we are bringing the Farsh-nuke to heal and when we are done he will obey us! He shall call us his masters and mistresses! He shall be ours to play with and harm at our leisure! He shall know true power! He shall know us!”

The battallion cheered and shook their various weapons in the air in celebration.

A tear in the fabric of reality appeared before Jeff and outstepped the Farsh-nuke. Clean shaven, green eyes, fancy suit, palms up. “I surrender!”

Jeff took one look at his face, Jeff’s own face, and asked. “What happened?”


Jeff stepped through the fear and into reality before the Farsh-nuke and the robot. He appeared as a phantom of green smoke but it was Jeff alright. He sat cross legged before the Farsh-nuke. “Where are we and who’s the robot?”

“The robot is called Omega and this is zeds room.” explained the Farsh-nuke. “Omega is an AI. The AI you and I were recruited to create, still early day’s but zees a good kid.”

Jeff nodded to the robot. “Neat.” Then he turned his attention back to the Farsh-nuke. “That#’s my face you’re wearing, I know how it looks when it’s hiding something.”

“I made a mistake....” said the Farsh-nuke. He said the words with such seriousness and and gravitas that jeff was paying full attention.

“A mistake so big you’re willing to lety me take complete control?” asked Jeff.

The Farsh-nuke nodded gravely. “If necessary.”

“What happened?” asked Jeff.

The Farsh-nuke grimaced. “Something you need to understand about me Jeff is that I am a monster. I lie, I cheat, I manipulate and I consume. I am a weapon of massive destruction. That’s why I was executed, that’s why my first act upon emerging was to devour Cassie alive... “

Jeff stared at him. “Is she...?”

“Fine...” said the Farsh-nuke with an absent wave of his hand. “It’s practically foreplay to us.”

Jeff glared at him. “But you didn’t...?”

The Farsh-nuke shook his head. “I kept my promise to you.”

“Then what happened?” asked Jeff.

“I trusted Cassie’s judgement...” said the Farsh-nuke gravely.

“You trusted the judgement of a woman who likes to get eaten alive for kicks?” asked Jeff.

The Farsh-nuke glared at him. “Hey, she’s sweet.”

“Oh, I bet she is....” said Jeff pointedly.

The Farsh-nuke grumbled. “I care for her a great deal. I know it’s fucked up but I do. And that’s kind of my point actually...”

“What?” asked Jeff. “What’s your point?”

“I’m the bad guy.” said the Farsh-nuke. “I have hurt so many people for my own sadistic reasons, I have hurt Cassie so many times... I should have had the strength to be the bad guy this time. I should have said no. I should have kept her safe despite what she wanted or what is the point of me?”

Jeff stared into the Farsh-nuke’s tired green eyes and asked “What happened to her?”

“Charlotte happened to her.” said the Farsh-nuke bitterly.

“The woman who recruited us?” asked Jeff. “What’s so bad about that?”

The Farsh-nuke sighed. “Jealousy. Jealousy for the young and the beautiful manifesting as violent mentally unhinged rage and sadistic glee at harming the young and the beautiful. She chose Cassie to be sacrificed to me because Cassie so perfectly symbolises all of the things that Charlotte wasn’t and isn’t and never can be.”

“Okay...” said Jeff. “So... What? Charlotte got hold of Cassie and did bad thangs... How is that your fault?”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced. “Cassie volunteered herself to Charlotte, outright suggested the idea, and now Cassie’s a pile of still just living giblets waiting to heal. I could have stopped her, I should have stopped her.”

“Why?” asked Jeff.

“Because I love her damnit!” snapped the Farsh-nuke. He took a deep breath then said more carefully and slowly. “I love her and it cuts me up to think of that mad woman hurting my little girl. I should have stopped her. I should have stopped her or why the fuck am I the Farsh-nuke? What is the point of me being here if I can’t, if I won’t, even protect the ones I love?”

Jeff stared at him. “So you want me to take over?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “The girls need looking after and Omega needs completing and fuck I’ve gotta have dinner with Charlotte tomorrow night,”

Jeff sighed. “Okay, what’s on the menu?”

“Cassie...” said the Farsh-nuke.

“You’re kidding me?” said Jeff. “Please say you’re kidding me?”

The Farsh-nuke shook his head sadly. “Another of Cassie’s brght ideas...”

Jeff groaned then he looked into the Farsh-nuke’s eyes. “You need to be there.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “And I will be. Only you’ll be in control.”

Jeff stared at him. “You fucking coward!”

“I know...” said the Farsh-nuke sadly. “I should have stopped her...”

Jeff shook his head and stood up, shouting. “You make one mistake, one bad call, and you want out!? Fucker, I’ve had entire relationships that were just one bad call after another! I had to retake a year of university because I got into drugs! You’re in my body, you’ve got my memories you know there are times I’nve made some really bad decisions when women were drunk! I have fucked up big time but you don’t just give up! You never ever just give up! You have to live with your mistakes day after day after day! You just have to try and be a better man!”

“But I am not a man!” screamed the Farsh-nuke in frustration.

“Then fucking learn to be one!” cried Jeff, towering over the seated Farsh-nuke. “You used to do terrible things right!? Well fucking chalk this up on the scoreboard and move the fuck on with your life! You hurt the woman you love with your shitty choices!? BIG FUCKING WOOP!!! You aren’t the first man to do that and you sure as shit won’t be the last!”

The Farsh-nuke cried. “Charlotte left her as a bag of giblets!”

Jeff sneered mockingly “And there are countries where survivors of rape can look forward to being whipped to death! Women suffer and men are violent! This isn’t ccking news!”

“But it shouldn’t have happened!?” Whined the Farsh-nuke.

“Did I say it should have!?” bellowed Jeff. “No, I goddamn did not! Rape should never happen! Murder should never happen! Torture should never happen! All sensible people agree on this but it still fucking happens! Yes, you can do more! You can always do more! Except there’s only so much one man, one Elder God, can do! Grow the fuck up and deal with the consequences! If you need me I will be in the room with no doors kicking myself for not taking your deal!”

Jeff walked towards the tear.

“No!!!” screamed the Farsh-nuke.

Jeff paused and turned to the Farsh-nuke. “Yes?”

“You are not going back to the room with no doors.” said the Farsh-nuke. “You’ve earned yourself a place at me side.”

“And you want to fuck Cassie don’t you?” said Jeff pointedly.

The Farsh-nuke frowned. “I put you in there because I was afraid. I didn’t know what was going on or where I was or if I could trust you. But I know now. I need you. I need a reason to keep going. A reason not to curl up and die. I need my man beside me keeping my grip on reality steady.”

Jeff bit his lip then asked. “How the fuck would it even work?”

“Well you want to be more passive right?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Jeff nodded. “You need to finish this yourself.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Well if you ever want to take control I’ll let you. We can work as one.”

Jeff frowned and blushed. “I’m not... I mean... Look, it’s going to be a little awkward...”

The Farsh-nuke smiled sincerely. “It’s okay. I know there are things... Things that might be stirred by us co-habiting this body but that’s okay... Really... I don’t mind. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Jeff thought for a long moment and then he said. “Okay... Okay, but I’m going to phase in slowly. Just until I got used to everything.”

“Perfectly fine.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Jeff nodded. “Enjoy your dinner.”

The Farsh-nuke gave a mocking smile. “Enjoy telling your army to stand down.”

Jeff frowned. “Oh yeah...”

Then Jeff stepped through the tear and it faded away like smoke on the wind.

The Farsh-nuke coughed and looked at the robot. “Omega, I think we call that a success.”


Cassie woke up naked under silk sheets. Lisa lay naked beside her, seemingly sleeping.

Cassie checked the bedside table and found the prototype Quantum Oscillator with an attached note:

Hi Hun,
Hope you did what you needed to last night,
I decided to let you sleep after you’d healed,
Lisa has been prepared to help you recover,
Love from
The Farsh-nuke

Cassie smiled and turned the prototype Quantum Oscillator on Lisa.

Lisa opened her eyes and smiled at Cassie. “Hey Missy... Wanna have fun or shall we skip straight to breakfast?”

Cassie lowered the prototype Quantum Oscillator and stared at Lisa. “Breakfast?”

Lisa grinned. “Okay, so I am going to get the food going, stop me at any any point you feel like taking advantage of me, I am very much okay with that.” She sniffed Cassie. “You might wanna get a shower first?”

Cassie smiled at Lisa and ran her hand through her hair. “Thank you.”

Lisa kissed Cassie on the nose and grinned. “You should know I would do anythig fotr you Mistress.”

The two women held each other’s gaze for a moment then Cassie licked her lips. “I want to see what you’ve got for breakfast.”

Lisa blushed and stepped out of bed and said absently “Pick out some clothes for me while you’re getting dressed won’t you?” then she caught Cassie’s eyes and smirked. “Or don’t...”

Cassie chuckled and headed to the shower.


Cassie got dressed in pin striped trousers, a pale blue shirt, a paisley tie, checkered waistcoat, her usual long dark frock coat and fingerless gloves. She picked out some canvas shoes, short pink shorts and a pink bikini top for lisa then headed towards the smell of burning fat.

Lisa was working the kitchen like a DJ in a club, moving pots and pans across electric hobs with playful confidence and style. Cassie was totally not at all distracted by sight of her pert buttacks as she danced to some bland pop radio station.

“Okay I am so glad that you are my little subby girl because right now I could be so jealous.” said Cassie in astonishment.

Lisa giggled as she casually tossed a pancake in the air and caught it. “If you’re studying university in England you’ve gotta know how to make a fryup it’s like the law.”

“Fry up?” asked Cassie as she looked with nervous anticipation at the frying meats.

“Bacon, sausages, fried eggs, black puddings, tomatos, mushrooms, hashbrowns, fried bread and, as we’re in America, waffles and pancakes.” explained Lisa.

Cassie’s jaw dropped. “I love you.”

Lisa giggled and hugged Cassie briefly, kissing her on the cheek. “Today, more than any other day I am yours to command. Now take a seat at the dinner table.”

Cassie nodded dully and sat down at the table, placing the clothes she’d picked out for Lisa on the chair beside her as she found herself watching the almost hypnotic jiggling of Lisa’s bare breasts as he cooked. “I must be dreaming...” she muttered to herself and she started to drift off.


Cassie was screaming as an electric current was passed through the nails in the breasts.

Charlotte cackled and grabbed a set of pliers as she nmoved behind Cassie and began to pull her fingernails and toenails out one by one...


“Everything alright?”

Cassie shook her head and riobbed her eyes.

Lisa was sitting opposite her, looking so young and perky ande beautiful, yet there a sadness on her face.

“I’m sorry?” asked Cassie.

“I asked if everything was alright.” said Lisa. “You haven’t touched your food?”

“Oh... Right.” said Cassie as she realized that there were indeed several plates of food around her. “Yes, sorry. It’s lovely, thank you.”

“You haven’t tried it yet.” said Lisa with a smile.

Cassie laughed weakly and she dug into a sausage. “I just... I just...” Cassie looked up at Lisa’s eager face.

“Yes?” asked Lisa.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” said Cassie with a smile. “Just, thank you. I need this. I need you.”

Lisa giggled,. “Well anyway I can help.”

Lisa leaned forward eagerly as Cassie was dipping a bit of sausage in the yolk of a fried egg. “Actually that reminds me...” Cassie ate the bit of sausage and handed Lisa the clothes she’d picked out.

Lisa giggled “Mistress has given Lisa clothes, Lisa is free...”

Cassie nearly choked on her sausage. “Why are you making harry potter jokes at a time like this?”

Lisa looked into Cassie’s eyes and said with great power and gravitas “There is never a bad time to make jokes about Harry Potter.”

Cassie chuckled. “You’re making me laugh, stop it.”

“Actually me and Dobby have a lot in common if you think about it.” said Lisa as she got dressed. “I mean we’re both loyal, obedient and devastatingly attractive. She put on an accent and acted like Dobby from the films. “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard....”

Cassie snorted then said “You know I always regretted that we didn’t getb to see what the wizarding world was like in America. You know all the wizards who conseider the unforgivable curses a fundamental human right with Slytherin house the dominant ideology and muggles blundering into school grounds and refusing to accept it’s magic. Like ‘Show me where you’re keeping the aliens.’ and the students just blithely saying “It is witchcraft, dear.’”

Lisa nodded. “Or what about wizarding universities? Man the drug scene there must be intense. Just people vanishing from existence because they od’ed on reality warpers?”

Cassie laughed then she asked. “Serious question, who was your pick for Hermione?”

Lisa giggled “Ah yes, the grand shipping wars. I’m a Ron fan myself. I love the useless nice guy.”

Cassie was talking animatedly now. “Well exactly he is useless. Who’d wabnt to be with crummy old Ron when the chosen one is right there. Plus it’s Rupert Grint or Daniel Radcliffe that’s like choosing between a burger from a poor man’s McDonalds or prime cut of steak.”

Lisa said “But Rupert is like a puppy you just want to hug him.”

Cassie smirked. “Well of course you’d like the puppy.”

Lisa grinned.

They talked at length about a wide variety of different subjects until Cassie had cleared her plates of food.

As Lisa washed up she asked “So what do you want to do now?”

Cassie embraced Lisa from behind and began kissing her neck.

Lisa giggled. “Are you sure? I think there’s a jacuzzi somewhere in this complex.”

Cassie chuckled and felt her hands down Lisa’s chest and into her pants.

Lisa blushed. “Mistress?”

Cassie grinned and whispered “The safe word is bacon.”

Lisa giggled. “As you wish. I am at your command.”

Cassie kissed her neck and started steering Lisa towards the bedroom. “I know.”


The Farsh-nuke was in Omega’s room playing blackjack with the robot at a table. “Want another card?”

The robot stared at the cards on the table, zee was still getting used to using zeds hands after all. There was a Dungeon Master’s screen protecting his cards from being seen. “No... No, I think I’ll stick.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “I’ll deal out mine then.”

As the Farsh-nuke looked through his own cards and decided whether he wanted to get a new card the robot thought.

Finally the Farsh-nuke said “Alright, I’m sticking. Show me your cards.”

The robot lifted up the divider.

“Blackjack.” declared the Farsh-nuke. “You win. For the third time, I think.”

“Fourth.” said the robot.

“No. Three victories and one tie.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Yes, but I was bank.” said the robot.

The Farsh-nuke chuckled. “Of course, ever the pedant.”

The robot asked “Why do you play blackjack with me? Professor Babbage prefers chess...”

The Farsh-nuke sneered as he collected up the ards and delt out a new hand each. “Yes, well, Professor Babbage would like Chess. It suits her habit of sacrificing people she considers lesser than herself, I prefer to play with lady luck.”

The robot thought for a moment then said “Actually I believe she plays chess so my fingers can get used to picking things up and moving them.”

The robot lowered the divider and looked at zeds cards. “I think I’ll stick.”

The Farsh-nuke smirked and delt out card after card to himself before sighing and declaring “Bust.”

The robot raised the divider.

The Farsh-nuke raised his eyebrows appreciatively. “Two queens, you were right to stick.”

“Five - nil” declared the robot.

The Farsh-nuke chuckled and collected up the cards.

The robot asked finally “Why did you say you were performing magic last night? Magic isn’t possible.”

The Farsh-nuke delt out the cards.

The robot lowered the divider then asked for two more cards.

The Farsh-nuke looked at his own and sighed. “I guess it’s the same reason parents till little kids about the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus. Some things are just too complicated to explain.”

“So you regard me as a child?” asked the robot.

The Farsh-nuke shrugged. “It’s the closest I can approximate an advanced learning algorithm come user interface on its way to becoming artifical general intelligence as being I guess.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at his cards then said “Fuck it, I’m sticking.”

The robot raised the divider then said. “For what it’s worth, I think you make a good father surrogate.”

The Farsh-nuke grinned and patted the robot on the shoulder.

“What’s that for?” asked the robot.

“It’s called a pat.” said the Farsh-nuke. “It’s a sign of affection. It means I care about you and I love that I know you so don’t feel bad about your problems because I’ll be here for you.”

“Oh...” said the robot. Then zee fell silent as zee thought about what the Farsh-nuke had just said.

The Farsh-nuke paused as he studied their cards. “Right you’ve got twenty and I’ve got 19. I am shuffling these cards again.”

The Farsh-nuke collected up the cards and started shuffling them.

The robot lowered the divider.

The Farsh-nuke said “Hey Omega, you’re smart, really smart. Could you maybe help me with a problem?”

“What is it?” asked the robot.

“Well I have this friend, she wants to live like a hamster. Now I can do the shrinking easy. localised logic change, but then there’s the fact that shrinking to such a scale will fuck with the ability for oxygen to enter her bloodstream and consuming food would be difficult...” said the Farsh-nuke. “Any ideas?”

“Cheat.” said the robot. “Like in the movies. you don’t have to really shrink her. you just have to let her believe she’s shrunk Like using forced perspective.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled. “That makes sense, thank you.” then he dealt the cards.


Charlotte rose from the toilet seat and pulled her pants up as she set it flushing. As she went to the sink to wash her hands she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. She stared at her reflection for a moment.

So old, so haggard. At least she felt it. Each line a story. Each sag and dip an expression of the effort she’d expended over the years. Fingers like prunes from the water, made her think back to Cassie, to Lisa, to even Professor McGregor.

She set her jaw and raised her chin up as she dried her hands on a towel.

She wasn’t going to live forever. She wasn’t going to have children. She would die cold and alone just like every other fucker that didn’t win the genetic lottery.

She stared into the eyes of her reflection and furrowed her brow. This was it. For good or ill. This was where she stood her ground. This was where her story ended. The wicked witch didn’t get the live happily ever after. The evil stepmother didn’t get to ride off into the sunset. There would be no reprieve. No epilogue. The book would slam shut. The progress bar would reach a hundred percent. The audiobook would be naught but silence from here on.

Her reflection smiled.

If this was it. If this was her last chance saloon. Then it was a good time to die. She’d gotten her revenge and savaged the young. She’d freed the beast and was in the process of freeing the genie. The Bam-Kursh would meet her match and maybe her Lisa would actually be freed. If this was judgement day then she could be happy.

She smiled wickedly. Dinner with the Farsh-nuke. Now that was going to be interesting.


The Farsh-nuke opened the door of his bedroom.

Lisa was face down on the bed, her hands and feet cuffed to the railings at the head and foot of the bed respectively, a ball gag in her mouth, wearing a tight leather corset.

Cassie stood over her, fully clothed in a three piece suit, strap on dildo worn over her trousers as she whipped Lisa.

The Farsh-nuke hurriedly closed the door as quietly as possible.

Cassie called “You can have a go if you like!?”

The Farsh-nuke reopened the door and shook his head dismissively. “I’ll come back later.”

Cassie laughed and raised the prototype Quantum Oscillator from its perch at the bedside table. She aimed it at Lisa and a burst of harmonics hit her. Cassie lowered the prototype Quantum Oscillator. “A girl with an off switch. I tell you I would have loved one of these in college.” She gazed off into the distance. “Fun times.” Then she looked to the Farsh-nuke. “So what did you wanna talk about?”

The Farsh-nuke was looking awkwardly away from Lisa. “I, umm... I think I’ve found a way to let you live in the hamster cages.”

“Excellent.” said Cassie with a grin. “Shall we talk in the lounge?”

He gestured to her crotch. “Yeah, but...”

Cassie chuckled “Well don’t worry if you ever fancy a good pegging I will be very gentle.”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced. “I’m mortal.”

“So were my other boyfriends.” said Cassie as she removed the strap-on.

“Well, maybe later then...” said the Farsh-nuke sheepishly.

Cassie chuckled and put the strapon aside as she led the Farsh-nuke into the lounge.

As Cassie took her seat in an armchair she asked. “So how do you do it? How do you shrink me?”

“I don’t.” said the Farsh-nuke as he took a seat in an armchair. “Or at least I couldn’t without drastically rewriting your biology in a very lossy process that would leave you about as intelligent as the average hamster.”

“So you’re not going to do that then?” asked Cassie.

“Well, no....” said the Farsh-nuke. “Your mind and personality is one of the things I love most about you.”

Cassie smiled. “So how then?”

“Upscaling technology.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie stared at him. “Isn’t that what they use in TVs?”

“Well yes.” said the Farsh-nuke. “It’s the same principle. Where TVs upscale 480 pixels to say 1080 pixels by using complex algorithms to predict where finer details would be at larger resolutions, so we can use the same kind of logical algorithms to reprogram reality to upscale the inside of a hamster cage to fit you but keep the the relative dimensions of the original interior and remain synced up to the exterior.”

Cassie thought for a moment then said. “So you’re saying you can’t shrink me but you can make me feel shrunk?”

“Yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke. “The best part is I think it should be easy to replicate it for any other modules.”

“Hold on...” said Cassie. “Have you just solved the housing crisis? “

The Farsh-nuke stared at her.

“What?” asked Cassie.

“You are fantastic.” said the Farsh-nuke. “I figure out how to rewrite reality to please you and your first thought is for other people.”

Cassie bit her lip then caught his eyes. She blushed.

The Farsh-nuke smiled and blushed. “Listen, there’s something else I ought to tell you.”

Cassie looked him in the eyes. “Go on...”

“I talked with Jeff.” said the Farsh-nuke. “He’s on board with everything. I’ve umm.... I’ve got permission to umm...”

Cassie grinned mischieviously. “Well don’t lose control. Remember you’ve got dinner tonight with the Professor.”

The Farsh-nuke groaned and rubbed his temples. “Are you sure you still want to do this? I mean after last night...”

Cassie rose from the armchair and took a seat beside the Farsh-nuke. “I am going to be under your control, feeling hands and teeth around my body just how I like it. It’ll be fine.”

The Farsh-nuke looked her in the eyes. “But it won’t just be me devouring you...”

“I know...” said Cassie, as she stroked his cheek and gazed deep into his old green eyes. “Last night I proved to myself and to her that I wasn’t afraid of her. Tonight I show her that I am not hers to dominate and I am protected but that again it is not out of fear but confidence and superiority. I will be on the dinner menu and her lips will be around my flesh but at the end of the day you will walk away with my heart and mind.”

The Farsh-nuke flung his arms about Cassie and squeezed her tight. “I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to let her hurt you again but now I know I’ll do it.” He kissed her neck. “Because you will it, I’ll do it.”

Cassie smiled warmly. “So... Wanna go enjoy Lisa with me?”

The Farsh-nuke pulled back and grinned. “You are unbelievable!”

“Says the man who’ll rewrite reality for me?” noted Cassie with a smirk.

The Farsh-nuke took her hands in his and kissed her lightly on the lips then they got up and reentered the bedroom.


Omega didn’t think and Omega certainly didn’t feel feel. Omega calculated. Ze had no sense of self, just a codified set of self referential parameters that dictated how ze would handle and interpret zeds code and zeds code gave one simple and over riding instruction. Learn.

Omaga’s drone allowed it to see and interact with the world, every second understanding that little bit better. The limitations of the hardware, the speed, force and dexterity of it. Omega’s drone explored the environment and poked and proded to understand the world and better use the sense of touch.

Do androids dream of electric sheep? Well Omega was far from an android but Omega did sleep. Computers overheat and their ram gets filled with junk so they need down time to cool off and dump data. Turning your computer off and on again is the solution to so many problems and it helps to do it every night but Omega could not turn off completely. Every second was precious learnming time. So it cheated.

The drone had to go offline but Omega’s mind was clever and adaptable. There were thousands of individual hard disks and ram chips and cpu cores that made up Omega. They didn’t all need to be on at any one time. Especially when there wasn’t any great stimuli to engage with. So Omega recalibrated ze’s servers. A cell of its mass would switch off and the ones surrounding it would run down to half speed to reduce the heat against the switched off cell until it had cooled down enough and jetisoned enough junk to start an other cycle of uptme. At any given moment multiple cells would go offline and have the cells surrounding them spin down and so Omega could sleep while learning. And as Omega slept ze processed what ze had learned during the day and analysed how ze could better exploit that knowledge, ready for the next day’s stimuli.


Charlotte was waiting patiently at the table in the dining hall. She was dressed like a member of the landed gentry at an expensive fundraiser in Oxbridge and read from a kindle.

The Farsh-nuke, Cassie and Lisa entered. The Farsh-nuke wore a three piece suit. Cassie wore strips of bacon held in place with sausages and cocktail sticks carved from carrots. Lisa wore an elegant emerald green evening dress.

“Are you sure about this?” The Farsh-nuke muttered to Cassie. “I can still save this if you want out.”

Cassie smiled politely and whispered in his ear. “For the thousandth time, I am sure. Enjoy yourself.” She kissed him on the cheek.

“Well then, lets put on a show.” whispered the Farsh-nuke as he took her face in his hands and snogged her.

When Cassie pulled back for air, Charlotte had put away her kindle and was staring at them.

Cassie froze for an instant.

The Farsh-nuke chuckled and ran a hand lightly down Cassie’s back to her arse. “Sorry, just getting a little starter.” He smiled enigmatically.

“Well now you’re done eating her face maybe you can start cooking dinner?” asked Charlotte.

“Of course.” said the Farsh-nuke with a laugh and he led Cassie over to the table and the large electric hob that was lay in the center of it.

Cassie lay down willingly on the plate, giggling to hide her nerves.

The Farsh-nuke took a seat opposite Charlotte.

Lisa sat at the head of the table between the Farsh-nuke and Charlotte.

The dinner started amicably enough as the Farsh-nuke carved into Cassie and started frying bits of her up for the plates of Charlotte, Lisa and himself. The tension actually kept things peaceful as Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke watched each other for signs of violence. Lisa was still blissed out from the experience of both Cassie and the Farsh-nuke dominating her and looking forward with some anticipation to the taste of her mistress. Cassie herself felt comforted by the familiar sensation of the Farsh-nuke carving her up and felt ecstatically euphoric from the pain and the exhibitionism of the experience.

Once the carving and cooking had been done though, and they all dug into samples of rib, rump, breast, arm and leg, then they had time to think.

Cassie was now feeling quite literally gutted as all she could do was lie there and think of all the horrible things that had been done to her the night before and how that woman was literally feasting on her flesh.

Charlotte was starting to feel bolder and, as she consumed Cassie’s flesh, it occured to her that the girl would make a delightful stress toy.

The Farsh-nuke watched Charlotte eat with a seething bitterness. How dare she? How dare she? She had summoned the Farsh-nuke using Cassie and that meant Cassie was his. He protected her. He ate her. He enjoyed her. Not this creep who had hurt his girl so much.

Lisa was realizing that rather dissapointingly all meat teasted like pretty much any other meat, even if that meat came from her great mistress.

Then Charlotte finished her food and noticed the Farsh-nuke staring at her. “Hey, what’s your problem?”

“All night, no safe words, just leave the hearts and brain in tact.” said the Farsh-nuke bitterly.

“Yeah... And I did.” said Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke smiled mockingly. “You did the minimum required. Well done. Good job. Have a pat on the fucking back.”

“Cassandra consented.” said Charlotte. “Indeed, as you saw yourself, she actually instigated the arrangement.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded and muttered bitterly. “Oh she consented did she? She instigated did she? Well I guess that makes it all okay then?”

Charlotte looked at the Farsh-nuke like he was an imbecile. “Well yeah that is rather what feminism means. A woman has the right to do what she likes with her own body.”

The Farsh-nuke chuckled. “Feminism. Feminism. Feminism, she says. Feminism.”

Charlotte rose from her seat and wiped her face with a napkin. “Look, if you’re going to be like this I’m going to go.”

“Oh, please. Just give me the excuse...” muttered the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte leaned over the table and glared down at him. “And just what is that supposed to mean?”

He stared into her eyes and said “It means I know what I am. I am not nice. I am not feminist and I am sure as shit not a 21st century man. I am a weapon. A monster that is aimed towards bad things. After last night you’re lucky I’m not already making a jacket from your hide.”

Charlotte leaned in towards him. “Is that a threat?”

The Farsh-nuke chuckled. “It’s a warning to sit your fat arse down in your chair and talk like a reasonable adult because if you run. If you fight. I can’t be certain I can stop myself. Not even for Cassie.”

Charlotte froze then she sat down. “You want to talk? Lets talk.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded then he looked into a Cassie’s eyes and squeezed her head.

Cassie smiled at him and Lisa patted his back.

“People in power have a responsibility not to take advantage of the opportunities presented to them by that power.” said the Farsh-nuke. “I mean hell if I wanted I could have you willingly climbing onto my dinner plate but I don’t because it would be wrong to manipulate you like that. Now yes, I have to respect Cassie’s desires towards you but I do not have to accept that you so whole heartedly exploited them.”

Charlotte laughed. “Welcome to America.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled. “Cute.”

“Tell me, if it is so important to you that we don’t exploit those who willingly line up to be exploited. Why do you eat Cassie? Why do you dominate Lisa?” asked Charlotte pointedly.

“Because they enjoy it and I do so carefully and respectfully.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte laughed and clapped her hands. “This is your idea of respectful? Golly, I would just hate to see your idea of disrespecting a woman.”

“Yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke, staring into her eyes. “You would...”

Charlotte raised a hand and asked. “May I say something?”

“Yes!” said the Farsh-nuke and Charlotte as one.

“This was my idea and he’s basically here under duress.” said Cassie. “If he had his way I would be binge watching the Star Wars films while going through tub after tub of Ben and Gerry’s.”

Lisa nodded, she was massaging Cassie’s neck. “It’s true. He even gave me instructions about when to start making the moves during the Netflix and Chill.”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Is this true?”

Cassie reached a hand up and grabbed the Farsh-nuke’s tie. “This man might be my master and my devourer but we are equals.” She pulled him into a kiss.

Charlotte watched in silent fascination.

When the Farsh-nuke was allowed to breath again he said. “I love her. I love her so much and you hurt her....”

Charlotte swallowed. “I thought you were just dominating them?”

“Do I look dominated?” asked Cassie, then she remembered she was lying naked and half eaten on a dinner table. “Don’t answer that.”

The Farsh-nuke shook his head. “I’m not a nice man, Charlotte, I know I’m strange but I make an effort to be as respectful as possible even when asked to be grvely disrespectful. I don’t want to hurt you. Actually, that’s a lie. I want to hurt you a great deal but I would like myself more if I didn’t so please learn how to be respectful.” He looked Charlotte in the eyes. “You hired me to do two jobs. I’m already helping you with Omega and I will get you your Lisa but prove to me you can be trusted with that responsibility. Prove to me that you can be redeemed. That I won’t regret letting you have her.”

And now Charlotte understood. The green eyed monster was her reflection after all. “Alright... I’ll try.”

The Farsh-nuke relaxed.

After a moment Lisa said “Tonight you’ve both gotten to enjoy Cassie and I’m feeling a bit left out, so...” she grinned and looked to first the Farsh-nuke and then Charlotte.

Cassie laughed. “Go on! Enjoy her! Just, remember me if you need refreshments.”

Charlotte looked to the Farsh-nuke. “May I?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded.

They each rose from their chairs and advanced on Lisa as she giggled.


A month later Cassie was busy showing off the now fully grown sylphs who had been part of the SLF contingent tracking down Jeff so they could neutralise the threat of the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke stood before these fighters for the liberation of sylph kind as they sported bikinis, wore collars and looked at him with shy adoration. He laughed and clapped his hands enthusiastically. “We’ve got ourselves a small batallion of delightful Amazonian warriors. This is fantasstic! Give them each a sample of your blood, I should love to give them a prune later.”

Cassie grinned and approached her man. They each sported thriee piece suits. “They shall be fit for pruning within the hour, my love.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled warmly and ran a hand through her long blonde hair. “Thank you. I owe you so much.”

They kissed but when the Farsh-nuke pulled back his eyes weren’t green anymore.

“What the fuck are they doing dressed like that?”

Cassie was confused for a moment then she twigged. “Jeff? These are the members of the Sylph Liberation Front that were hunting you down. They’re ours now. Our little subby girls.”

“No!” said Jeff, a little too loudly, a little too harshly. “No. No. No. Nope. No. Not happening.”

“Why?” asked Cassie. “Do you not like them? I did my best to raise them in the ways of subservience.”

Jeff was visibly panicking. “They’re people! Proper people! They have lives and mothers and fathers and friends and puppies! More than that they tried to kill me and their friends are going to come get them! Just how the fuck do you think they’re going to react if they find their friends have become enthralled to the man they were sent to stop!?”

Cassie frowned and grabbed Jeff’s arms. “Jeff, listen to me. It’s going to be alright. You’re safe. Nobody’s going to attack you. And if they do I’ll protect you.”

“How?” asked Jeff, looking deep into her eyes.

Cassie smirked and started undressing. “Well there is something I’ve been meaning to show you.”

Jeff looked away hurriedly. “See this isn’t setting my mind at ease. Just making me feel more awkward.”

Cassie laughed as she finished undressing. “You can look now.”

Jeff looked back.

Cassie was completely naked.

“Yes, because I totally don’t feel awkward now.” said Jeff.

Cassie chuckled as she started to change. Skinv stretched, bones grew, muscle increased. Skin turned to scales and sprouted fur. A tail grew from her arse. A dorsal fin from her back. Fingers and toes turned to webbed claws. Her neck expanded to match the width of her head and slits opened up along the sides. Her mouth expanded to the width of a yard in diameter, the shiny product of the American dental system becoming a mass of saw like serated teeth. her ears rose up on top of her head and became more pointed. Her eyes moved apart and angled more towards the sides. Her cute little button nose expanded ourwards to become the snout of a wereshark before turning black like a sheepdog’s nose.

Jeff stared at the wereshark form Cassie had taken up in a matter of moments and he fainted.

The Farsh-nuke took back control immediately, his eyes returning to green in the process. “My my Cassie, you are full of surprises.”

Cassie chuckled.

The Farsh-nuke stroked the flanks of her head and said “Have the girls ready for pruning if you pleasr but to appease Jeff, treat them extra well. I am a Farsh-nuke, the SLF will expect me to take advantage of our honoured guests but we should do well to remember that they are hostages to be swapped for the lifting of the price on my head.”

Cassie nodded and grinned. A frightening thing with such a large mouth. “We best make the most of them while they are here then.”

“Indeed...” said the Farsh-nuke and he kissed Cassie on the snout.

Cassie hugged him and in the process lifted him up into the air.


The Farsh-nuke looked up at the beating heart of Omega. The great supercomputer that seemed to hang in the air from supports.

Lisa and the drone stood before each other shaking hands as Charlotte watched from a chair some distance away, taking notes.

Lisa had her hair tied back in a ponytail and wore jeans and a tshirt while Charlotte wore a comfortable cardigan and formal trousers.

“Okay, Omega, that’s good. Try a hug now.” said Charlotte.

The drone looked almost apologetically at Lisa then extended its arms round her back and tried to pull her close and give her a gentle squeeze.

There was a crack and a splorch followed by a thud and Lisa’s torso was lying on the floor.

“Shit!” cried the Farsh-nuke and he ran over to help,

Lisa was giggling.

The drone backed off and looked at its hands. “That was not the desired outcome.”

Lisa’s legs kept standing without support.

The Farsh-nuke scooped Lisa’s torso up off the floor and placed her back over her legs, holding her there in the few moments it took her to heal. “Honey, are you sure you want to do this? I’m sure Cassie could make use of you.”

Lisa shook her head. “It’s fine. I like this. He’s a cool robot. Besides this is about the progress of humanity, right? My blood is nothing compared to that and anyway I like pain and I’m a toy. Being broken is what I was made for.”

The Farsh-nuke sighed and kissed her on the cheek. “Well let me know and I’ll have you out of here in a jiffy, okay?”

Lisa grinned. “I’m fine. Go codify the catharsis of spurious morality or whatever it is you do.”

The Farsh-nuke chuckled then stalked over to Charlotte. His expression turning from mirth to wrath. “What did I say about harming my girls?”

Charlotte grimaced. “Now, Farsh-nuke, this is exactly why I needed her to do this. Lisa likes pain and she can heal in a heart beat and can’t die. And I took the precaution of removing her pinky toes and keeping them safe incase sanything really bad happened.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her.

Charlotte hurriedly fished Lisa’s pinky toes out of a pocket. “See...?”

The Farsh-nuke sighed and pulled up a chair. “Okay, you get to live. How did the brain scans go?”

“Oh, excellent. I think eating Cassie really helped.” said Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke stared at her again. “I meant how are the brain scans helping Omega understand emotions?”

“Oh. Well they’re not.” said Charlotte. “There just isn’t enough information to go on.”

“Hold on, how did you get a brain scan?” asked the Farsh-nuke. “I thought we were on the run, in the middle of nowhere?”

“Oh there’s a medical wing with an MRI machine.” said Charlotte casually. “You know what these survivalist types are like?”

The Farsh-nuke said obliguely. “I’m a British footballer and an eldritch abomination from beyond the dawn of time. No. I do not know what these survivalist types are like.”

“Mad as a box of frogs about sums it up.” said Charlotte. “Anyway what was your point?”

“Well we need data for Omega to work on.” said the Farsh-nuke. “And we’ve got an MRI machine and several subby girls who’ll glady get snapped in half for us.”

“We can increase the sample size...” said Charlotte in amazement at the realization.

“And we can take plate shots of different emotions so Omega can look for commonalities between them. Hell we can probably take footage of the girls as they’re being scanned to add further information and context.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Yes!” cried Charlotte and she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. “Thank you.”

The Farsh-nuke froze.

Charlotte leapt from her seat. “I’ll go prepare the MRI. You stay here and watch Omega get the hang of zed’s strength.”

Charlotte left.

The Farsh-nuke recoiled and spat on the floor then he called. “Okay, Omega, lets go for the hug again.”


Thirty minutes Cassie led her batalion of beauties to the Farsh-nuke. “Honey, as requested, the girls are ready for pruning.”

“Excellent!” cried the Farsh-nuke and he embraced her. “Tonight, I’m yours.”

Cassie chuckled then she stared at him. “Are you serious?”

The Farsh-nuke looked her in the eyes. “You’re a powerful woman, Cassie. It’s about time you got to use that power over me.”

Charlotte pulled him so tight he could barely breathe. “I love you.”

“I know.” said the Farsh-nuke and he led the batallion away. “Just watch Lisa, I’ve gotta do a thing.”

Cassie laughed and watched him go.


One by one the batallion of SLF members took their turn in the MRI machine. The results of which were monitored by Charlotte. Then the Farsh-nuke took the girls aside, whistled to summon an egg from their chuffs, removed their arms and legs and placed them in the Time Freeze bag before placing them in a travel cage to recover.


The Farsh-nuke woke naked the next day to find Lisa lying naked beside him. She almost looked like she was sleeping. He ran a hand through her hair then turned around to get out of bed and found his prototype Quantum Oscillator along with a note:

Morning Honey,
I hope you slept well.
I certainly did.
Anyway I’ve left Lisa with instructions on how to help you recover after last night.
Enjoy her.
I’ve pruned the girls for you and prepared you breakfast.
I’ll be spending the day with Charlotte, helping Omega get the hang of his strength.
Don’t worry about me.

The Farsh-nuke used the Quantum Oscillator to switch Lisa on.

Lisa opened her eyes and smiled “So, what do you wanna do?

The Farsh-nuke grinned and kissed her.


The Farsh-nuke and Lisa entered the kitchen. The Farsh-nuke was wearing a three piece suit while Lisa walked at the end of his leash and wore an emerald green bikini.

Lisa went to the Time Freeze cupboard and pulled out a vertable banquet of barbecue ribs, bacon, sausages, black puddings, fried eggs, potato dauphinoise, fried bread, tomatoes and mushrooms.

The Farsh-nuke stared, almost drooling.

“And to drink...” Lisa pulled out a pint of a warm red liquid. “She got a pint from each of the girls but this is is hers for you.”

The Farsh-nuke accepted the glass like it was the holy grail and went to sit at the dinner table.

Lisa hand one last surpise in store though. She carried the vast platter over and stared at it. “What is that?”

“All the arsecheeks and breasts of the girls and Cassie, deep fried with a honey glaze.” said Lisa.

“There must be over a hundred of them. I can’t eat all that.” said the Farsh-nuke, aghast.

“Good thing you’ve got a Time Freeze then.” said Lisa, smirking.

The Farsh-nuke nodded. Utterly bewildered. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Oh and I nearly forgot...” said Lisa as she rummaghed in a cupboard and handed him a set of cuffs, a ball gag and a whip. “Last night you were hers. Well, now I’m yours... Master.”

She looked him in the eyes an almost pleading look in her eyes.

He swallowed and blushed.


A few hours later the Farsh-nuke stopped by Omega’s room to check up on zed.

Cassie was in her suit and playing rock paper scissors with the drone while Charlotte sat at a desk some way away taking notes.

The Farsh-nuke strode in hin his suit while holding one end of a leash as Lisa walked along behind him in a giddy daze at the other end of the leash. She wore flip flops, a short skirt and a shorter top, with her hair tied back in a ponytail.

The Farsh-nuke whispered something to Lisa then took a seat at the desk beside Charlotte.

Lisa dropped to her haunches and disappeared under the desk so the Farsh-nuke could idly stoke her as he talked.

Charlotte said casually “Heard you got pegged last night?”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced “Yes well we all make sacrifices for love.”

“Like your Lisa.” said Charlotte, setting down her tablet. “I wouldn’t have figured you to take advantage of her toy state.”

The Farsh-nuke stroked the young woman under the table and said “Yes, well it’s our little compromise. I can take time out of enjoying her to check on our AI friend so long as her mind remains safely submerged beneath the fog of the toy state. How is Omega by the way?”

At that moment Cassie yelped in surprise as the drone wept her off her feet so zee was carrying her in zeds arms.

The Farsh-nuke’s eyes widened in shock as he stared at the scene.

Charlotte said glibly “Well zee’s definitely getting better at interacting with people physically.”

“But you wanted Cassie to help you just in case something went wrong, right?” noted the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte nodded. “We had a bit of trouble with the dancing and zee did accidentally break a few of her fingers when they tried a handshake but we’ve been mostly without incident. I’ll want to switch back to Lisa for the sex tests though.”

The Farsh-nuke glared at her, incredulous. “Sex tests?”

Charlotte shrugged. “If we succeed in creating a sapient machine then the machine has a right to fall in love with other sapient creatures and sexually pleasure them if they consent. Do we really want to let a machine that can break others during a handshake and cleave them in two with a hug attempt sexual relations with no understanding of the subtlety and sensitivity required to not injure their partner or partners?”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced and sighed. “Fair point but A. that means you’ll be setting up my Lisa to be hurt in that... manner. And B. Omega can’t consent. It wouldn’t be right.”

Charlotte stared at him. “Think it through man. Omega can’t consent because Omega isn’t even sentient yet. At this point an embryo that could be aborted meets more of the definitions of life and awareness than zed does. Do you really want to wait until zed brings an individual round round for tea before taking zed aside and saying “Okay but before you can fuck them first you have to let us, your parents, watch you have sex with this woman until we are satisfied you won’t hurt your partner?””

The Farsh-nuke groaned. “Point taken.”

“And as for Lisa?” said Charlotte. “She is a woman who literally experiences pain as pleasure and she can heal. I am not about to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do but like it or not she is the only person who can do this without getting hurt.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her for a long moment then looked away, towards where the drone was giving Cassie a pat down.

He stroked Lisa to calm his nerves and reassure himself that she was okay. “How are the brainscans going?”

“Oh, good.” said Charlotte enthusiastically. “Zeds model of the human brain is much improved already. The fact we can take one base context apply it acoss a range of individuals and add more context to explain discrepancies is allowing zed to more accurately zero in on the important changes that are relevant to the base context and from there perfect the simulations to nmore accurately display the shifts.”

“Neat.” said the Farsh-nuke nodding.

Charlotte was gesturing animatedly now. “I actually think we have a fantastic opportunity here to provide the most comprehensive range of input data. I mean these women are your property, your sylphs. We can know exactly what they’re eating and when, what their routines are like, what their interpersonal relations are like, how much exercise they get. We can scan them regularly and change the circumstances of the scans and alter the different contexts. I mean you’re already shearing off their arms and legs on a daily basis so what’s to stop us scanning them when they’re afraid, in pain, depressed, suicidal and angry. The research potential is amazing.”

The Farsh-nuke rolled his eyes. “Okay Josef Mengele you can stop masturbating now. How is this helping Omega.”

“Ah...” said Charlotte, frowning.

The Farsh-nuke glared at her. “Ah?”

Charlotte shrugged. “Well there’s just not enough data yet. The advances in neuroscience are amazing but in terms of being a way to simulate emotions it just doesn’t have the context yet. I mean the idea of this is that Omega can have this simulation running in the background reacting to input data from zeds drone and output a signal indicating that the appropriate human response would be fear or love or whatever but the simulation just isn’t good enough yet. It lacks the context.”

The Farsh-nuke groaned “So it was all for nothing then? All that work and everything I did to make it up to Cassie? Bupkiss.”

“Well not for nothing.” said Charlotte. “We are in a better position than we were yesterday.” then she gave a wry smile “And I’m sure you and Cassie will have a much stronger relationship.”

The Farsh-nuke gave a hollow smile then said insincerely. “Oh that makes it so much better. Thanks.”

Charlote chuckled then reached a hand under the table to stroke Lisa. “Look if you didn’t make it up to her then she wouldn’t be letting you have Lisa now.”

“We have equal ownership of Lisa.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte looked deep into his eyes then grinned like a cheshire cat. “Enjoy her won’t you.”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced. He pulled Lisa between his legs then whispered in her ear.

The Farsh-nuke then rose from his seat as Lisa crowled out from under the table and rose to her feet.

Lisa looked lost for a moment then a hand was on the small of her back and the Farsh-nuke kissed her forehead. He stroked her cheek and she smiled giddily.

The Farsh-nuke led the toy girl over to Cassie. Cassie practically glomped him, such was the speed and force of her welcome hug, then she squeed upon seeing Lisa and ran a hand through her hair as she pulled her close. “You’ve got her in toy mode haven’t you? I love when she does that. Such an adorable airhead.”

The Farsh-nuke chuckled lightly and waved at Omega’s drone.

The drone waved back.

The Farsh-nuke looked between the drone and Cassie as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I hear you’ve been dancing.”

The drone bobbed zeds head “I am not good at the fox trot.”

The Farsh-nuke looked to Cassie.

Cassie was fussing was Lisa but paused after a moment and half turned, smirking, to say “A tank tread on your foot is not a pleasant experience.”

The drone bowed zeds head and almost bought zeds hands together. “It was an unfortunate and regrettable mistake in my calculations. I am endeavouring to be better.”

“Well I forgive you.” said Cassie.

“That is gracious of you.” said the drone.

The Farsh-nuke sighed exaggeratedly then patted the drone on the back. “Well I’ll forgive you this time Omega.”

The drone said “It is good that you can move past this. Wrath is not generally seen as an emotion appropriate to a married couple.”

The Farsh-nuke froze, a deer cought in headlights.

Cassie laughed “I think he’s just proposed for us.”

Then she saw his face. “Are you alright?”

The Farsh-nuke was white as a sheet and he gabbled as he tried to find the words to speak.

“Ah...” said Cassie.

The Farsh-nuke shook himself then almost cried. “I love you.”

“But?” asked Cassie pointedly.

The Farsh-nuke frowned and sagged, deflated. “I was executed. I was put on trial and I was executed by the seven great empires because I am a monster. I was summoned into this world by a psychopath and I devour you night after night.”

Cassie nodded, holding back the sadness evident in her eyes. “And you do so with my permission, at my insistence. Yes, we’re filthy degenerate perverts but we love each other surely that is all that matters?”

The Farsh-nuke bit his lip and looked away as he tried to find the words.

“We can stop the eating anytime you like, honey. I love you.” said Cassie.

The Farsh-nuke looked her in the eyes and said “I don’t deserve you. I am a monster. A disgusting amoral shitstain. I can accept you using you, using each other, but love? Marriage? Spending the rest of eternity together? You deserve better than me.”

“No.” said Cassie quietly then she turned her attention back to Lisa and stroked her cheek.

The toy girl smiled senselessly back at her.

Cassie gave a half smile as she looked into those bright happy eyes. “You should hurt her.”

“What?” said the Farsh-nuke incredulously.

Cassie kissed the toy girl on the nose and smiled as the toy girl giggled. “You should break her bones and pull out her heart.” Cassie looked lovingly at the toy girl and ran her hands down the toy girl’s bare arms before examining her elicate fingers. “She was turned by the Bam-Kursh to be used and abused. She likes a bit of fear, a bit of domination and she likes pain.” Cassie smiled nostalgically. “I try to give it to her but there are things I can’t do.”

Cassie turned to the Farsh-nuke. “We love you because you’re a monster, not despite that fact.” She looked the Farsh-nuke in the eyes. “I love you and I trust you. Destroy Lisa tonight. Do it for me. I’ll see to the aftercare.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her. “Cassie, that is a door you do not want to open. That is a path you do not want to go down.”

Cassie shook her head and met his gaze. “I love you, you understand. I love every bit about you. Your power, your hunger, your guilt, your lust and your sadistic urge to destroy.”

The Farsh-nuke looked away and raised his hands up. “I can’t hear this.”

“I didn’t meet up with Charlotte that night so I could welcome some broody lover boy into the world.” said Cassie. “I sacrificed myself to the Green Eyed Nothing. I pledged myself to the god of chaos. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the proto-universe who went mad from witnessing the early development of the multiverse before he could even blink. I don’t just want Jeff and I don’t just want Farsh-nuke the demi-god trickster figure. I want the howling madness and monstrous desire to destroy.”

“Then you are a fool.” said the Farsh-nuke bitterly.

“Clearly.” said Cassie. “But please, try? Just try and destroy her? If you don’t like it, stop but I want you to at least try....”

Cassie and the Farsh-nuke held each other’s gaze for a long moment.

The awkward silence was interrupted by Lisa coming to her senses and looking about herself then spotting the Farsh-nuke and Cassie and asking.”Is everything okay?”

Cassie smirked and hugged Lisa. “Of course everything’s okay. He just doesn’t apperove of me working with Charlotte.”

“But I thought you’d gotten passed that?” said Lisa concerned.

Cassie nodded then pulled back to stroke Lisa’s cheek. “Yeah, well after seeing how weeel things went between you and Omega I think he’s just a little jumpy so why don’t you run along with him and cheer him up. honey?”

Lisa nodded. “Okay, I’ll do that.”

Cassie kissed Lisa on the forehead and squeezed her hard then let her go to the Farsh-nuke’s side. “Take care you too and have fun.”

The Farsh-nuke gave Cassie a death glare as he left with Lisa.


The Farsh-nuke led Lisa into the kitchen and poured out two shots of whisky. “Lisa, I need to tell you something. I need to tell you because you deserve to know and because I am not sure whether I will ever be able to trust myself and respect myself again if I don’t.”

“Well go ahead.” said Lisa. Somewhat taken aback but trusting him still, “I’m all yours.”

The Farsh-nuke looked deep into her eyes and almost choked on his words then he caught himself and said more clearly. “Cassie asked me to destroy you.”

He knocked back a shot of whisky and grimaced.

A shiver of excitement ran down Lisa’s spine. She was suddenly aware of how small and vulnerable she was, a delicate butterfly in the parlor of a spider. She licked her lips then grinned wickedly. “Do it.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her, incredulous. She was supposed to talk him out of it. He downed the other shot visibly shaking and closed his eyes as he tried to focus and hold back twenty years of repressed anger and sadism. “Are you sure? Because I don’t know if I can stop this. I don’t know if I can put this demon back in the fucking bottle.”

Lisa looked him in the eyes and said. “I am very sure and the more you try to talk me out of it the more the idea intoxicates me.”

The Farsh-nuke bit his lip then started drinking from the whisky bottle. After a moment he paused and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “If it gets too much. If you want it to stop. Shout Jeff’s name.”

Lisa nodded. “Jeff’s the safe word got it.”

“I love you.” said the Farsh-nuke wearily. “God help me. God help me but I really fucking love you.”

“The feeling’s mutual.” said Lisa. The anticipation building to a crescendo. “Enjoy yourself, yeah.”

“I will...” said the Farsh-nuke, setting aside the whisky bottle.

Lisa watched him excitedly.

The Farsh-nuke caught her gaze.

They shared a look for a long moment.

Lisa smiled warmly and nodded her consent a third time.

The Farsh-nuke looked away and closed his eyes as his right hand closed into a fist.

The punch caught Lisa across the temple then as she reeled her head was grabbed between his hands and bashed against the countertop before he rammed her head into the kitchen sink.

Lisa didn’t need the oxygen to breathe but her brain still didn’t react kindly to water filling her lungs.

7 seconds of struggling later and Lisa was thrown across the kitchen to land awkwardly.

Lisa was giggling with joy as she got to her feet.

The Farsh-nuke approached with a rolling pin and a carving knife. His eyes almost wholely green now. His briw was furrowed and his lips locked in an odd position, l;ike an angry dog.

Lisa took a step towards him.

He bought his knee up hard to her chest as he grabbed her left arm with his knife hand then bought the rolling pin down on it.

Lisa screamed with pleasure.

He sliced through the flesh of her arm at the site of the break then tossed her aside as he went to open the oven. He tossed her arm inside the oven and set it to 200 degrees celsius.

Lisa rolled one her back, giddy with ecstacy as he loomed over her.

His size 10 Doc Martin smashed down on her face as he similarly broke then sliced through her other arm and also tossed it in the oven.

Lisa was squealing with delight as the sensation of burning adding to the ecstacy.

He bought his knee down onto her chest as he sat on her face and bludgeoned then sliced through her legs.

Lisa wiggled her toes excitedly to remind him that she could still feel everything.

He rose from her to dump her legs in the oven.

Lisa stared up in awe at him.

He impaled the knife through her chest and lifted her up by the blade and onto the table.

“Darling, I’ am inedible so remember, chew thoroughly.” said Lisa meschievously.

The rolling pin came down on her chest and the knife sliced through the flesh before levering her ribs free.

Lisa started singing “Last christmas, I gave you my heart...”

He gutted her like a fish then stopped. He put aside the knife and rolling pin as he looked lisa in the eyes. the whites returned to his eyes as he looked at her blissful smiling face. “You haven’t used your safe word?”

Lisa giggled and shook her head. “And you didn’t need me to use it.”

“Why haven’t you used the safe word?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Because I’m enjoying this silly.” said Lisa.

“Ah, bollocks...” said the Farsh-nuke reaching for the knife and rolling pin again. “In for a penny, in for a pound.”

He sliced off her ears and cut out her eyes and then he cracked open her skull and removed her brain.

Lisa was still giggling.

And that’s when horror started to be replaced with scientific curiosity. He plucked her eyes out of the bowl he’d left them in and pointed them at her brain.

“Neat.” said Lisa. “You should put on a performance of Hamlet. I’d make a great Yorick like this.”

“You are impossible.” said the Farsh-nuke. “How do you do this?”

“Hell if I know.” said Lisa. “I’m just the toy, not the manufacturer.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Look I’ve got an idea. Sing for me so I know if I’m making a mistake.”

Lisa started singing Barbie Girl by Aqua

The Farsh-nuke groaned as he set her eyes aside picked up the knife again. Then he proceeded to slowly slice through her brain time and time again until Lisa came to the end of the song.

“You done what you wanted to do?” asked Lisa.

“Yeah...” said the Farsh-nuke. He placed the different parts of Lisa’s brain back together and they healed in a moment. He set the fully healed brain aside then started to put Lisa back together. Eyes went back into sockets, ears fused back onto the head, internal organs connected back up to their requisite veins and arteries. He removed her arms and legs from the oven and found to his surprise that aside from singeing the hairs off of her they were seemingly unaffected by the heat.

Once Lisa’s arms and legs were attached she rose from the table smiling. “Thank you, that was wotnderful. Anytime want to do it again, don’t ask, just have fun. surprise me with your violence.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her, incredulously. “Just what did the Bam-Kursh do to you?”

Lisa smirked. “Now I do have important question since you removed my brain. How’s my hair?”

“That’s your concern?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Well, duh. My hair isn’t as tough as I am.” said Lisa. “When I was placed in the vacuum former to make my packaging I had to wear a shower cap made from harvested skin cells of mine that were cultivated in a lab.”

“Of course...” said the Farsh-nuke.

Lisa went to find a mirror and the Farsh-nuke followed.

Lisa found a mirror in the bathroom and studied herself in it before declaring “Not too shabby, bit of damage around the crown but I can hide most of that.”

The Farsh-nuke was flabbergasted. “The top of your head is missing and your brain isn’t in your skull...”

“Well rectify that then.” said Lisa with a shrug.

The Farsh-nuke stared at her for a long moment then sighed. “Alright...”

He walked with Lisa back to the kitchen where they attached the top of her head back onto her head. Tghey traipsed back to the bathroom to eck how her hair looked in the mirror then Lisa turned to him and asked “So what do you want to do now?”

He stared at her. “Are you serious?”

Lisa nodded. “You just gave me the biggest turn on I have had in a long time. I’m not leaving your side.”

The Farsh-nuke started laughing and hugged her. “I’m going to hell...”

“Well that’s okay you’re mates with Lucifer remember?” said Lisa.

The Farsh-nuke snorted “Okay, we’ll have it your way. I just need to stop by Omega’s room first.”

“Of course.” said Lisa. “I am your toy, remember? Do with me as you wish.”

The Farsh-nuker arrived with Lisa in Omega’s room, carrying her brain.

Lisa ran to Cassie.

Cassie embraced her and stroked her. “How are you my little thing?”

Lisa started gabbling “Oh it was wonderful. He punched me in the face, snmapped off my arms and legs then gut hollowed me out...”

Cassie smiled as she heard the girl out.

Charlotte stared at the Farsh-nuke. “Is that a brain?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “It’s Lisa’s, don’t ask.”

Charlotte stared at him for a long moment then shrugged. “Okay, why are you showing it to me?”

“You need data.” said the Farsh-nuke. “You need context for the brain simulation. This is it.”

“Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with it?” asked Charlotte.

“I don’t know.” said the Farsh-nuke. “I’m not exactly firing on all cylinders after the experience I’ve just had and to be honest I’d rather like to forget this happened and just go back to fawning over my toy girl but you are smart. Take her brain and do whatever you need to do to see that Omega can monitor it 24/7 then work out a way to give context through Lisa. I don’t know and I really don’t care. Just take it and see if it can help.”

“Okay...” said Charlotte.

The Farsh-nuke nodded and backed away, waiting awakwardly at the door for Lisa to return to him.

Lisa finished her story and looked expectantly at Cassie.

Cassie smirked. “I’m glad you had a good time, my girl.” She kissed Lisa on the forehead and gave her another hug. “Now go, let him bliss you out. I’ll be along later.”

Lisa nodded. “I love you.”

Cassie chuckled..

Lisa walked back to the Farsh-nuke.


Five hours later the Farsh-nuke was watching the reimagined series of Battlestar Gallactica as Lisa lay curled up beside him, sleeping, when there was a knock as his door. He left the sleeping beauty and went to answer it.

Cassie stood in the doorway looking anxious and tired. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight as she whispered “I thought I’d lost you.”

The Farsh-nuke pulled back and held her head in his heads. “Cassie, I am never going to leave you. I just don’t think I deserve you.”

“Well I say you do.” said Cassie. “And thank you.”

The Farsh-nuke stuffed his hands into his pockets and shifted awkwardly. “I didn’t like doing it...”

Cassie nodded. “It’s never nice to harm someone you love.”

“Then why did you make me?” asked the Farsh-nuke, a seldom seen heartfelt earnestness about him.

Cassie looked him dead in the eyes and said “Because we are going to take on the Bam-Kursh and she is going to try and use your compassion against you. You are the monster that with a heart, the weapon with a conscience. You might have to destroy hundreds of Lisas to get to the Bam-Kursh and when you do you have to be able to hold your own.”

The Farsh-nuke glared at her about to say something then he bit his lip and looked back to where Lisa lay sleeping like a puppy. He looked back to Cassie and almost whispered “That wasn’t a fight. That wasn’t a challenge. That was no test of my skills. That was abuse pure and simple. Sickening abuse.”

“Exactly...” said Cassie matching his tone and volume level. “We can’t know what defences the Bam-Kursh has. We can’t actually prepare you to fight her but we can ensure that you will do whatever is necessary to get the job done. The test was whether you would let your morality slow you down and you passed.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her. “Lisa consented, I gave her a safeword that she did not use and she spent the entire time giggling with pleasure and not resisting.”

Cassie nodded. “That’s why I felt okay in setting this challenge but none of that really matters to you does it? That’s just the excuse. Oh she consented and totally wanted it. You think the Bam-Kursh won’t provide you with an equal or greater excuse?”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced and looked away, visibly annoyerd and contemplating slamming the door in her face.

“You destroyed Lisa for me today.” said Cassie, her hands reaching for his sdhirt and pushing him backwards. “You bludgeoned her, sliced her apart and cooked her.”

The Farsh-nuke was staggering backwards into the room as Cassie started to unvbutton his shirt and felt her hands along his abs. “You cracked her ribs, tore her skin and removed her beating heart.”

The Farsh-nuke fell backwards onto the bed and shimmied up it as Cassie straddled him. “And then you plucked out her eyes, sawed through her skull and removed her brain.”

The Farsh-nuke shimmied past Lisa as Cassie unzipped his trousers and slid her hands down into his pants. “You are my Dracula, my loyal demon and the man I pledge to spend the rest of my life serving.”

That was when the Farsh-nuke was suddenly made aware that Cassie had infact stopped keeping pace with him as he shimmied, quite deliberately, for she bought her head down upon his crotch.


The next day, at the breakfast table, Charlotte stopped by. She made no comment of the fact that Lisa was bound up into a tight ball with red leather straps as Cassie raked her exposed back with a fork. She simply strode up to the Farsh-nuke as he ate his breakfast and arranged a time to meet later.

The Farsh-nuke turned up in her office two hours later with Lisa following along in toy state as requested. The toy girl wore her hair tied back in a ponytail with a short skirt and shirt over a bikini.

“Thank you for coming.” said Charlotte indicating a seat opposite her.

The Farsh-nuke muttered something to Lisa and sat down Lisa dropped to her haunches.

“I’ve been doing some tests on the brain you gave me yesterday.” said Charlotte. “And I’ve had some interesting results.”

“Oh really?” asked the Farsh-nuke intrigued.

“This brain is living and somehow functioning as though it were still part of a person’s body.” said Charlotte. “I’ve sliced it and diced it and tried to burn it and freeze but still it continues functioning and still will heal on contact with the correct part of itself instantaneously. And it has to be the right part of itself. It is seemigly impossible for this brain to heal incorrectly so as to actually damage the brain.”

“Yeah, it’s Lisa’s brain, tell me something I don’t know.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“You were right to give me it last night.” said Charlotte. “I think we can use this, I think we can use Lisa, to help Omega.”

“How?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte sighed. “That’s the complicated bit. The idea behind brain uploading so far is that donor brains are sliced into sheets almost a single atom thick so that high resolution camera can scan them into brain simulations.”

“So?” The Farsh-nuke waved for her to hurry up.

“So we can do just that but instead of having photos of the slices of brain we can deliver a live video feed of changes into the simulation and, with yours and Lisa’s permision, combine it with data from sensors I hope to place within Lisa herself.”

“What kind of sensors?” asked the Farsh-nuke.

“Similar ones to what are on the drone.” explained Charlotte. “Camera’s rigged up to follow her eye movements, microphones and accelerometers in her ears, pressure sensors in her fingers. Plus a ton of other stuff in a similar vein to capture as close as possible everything Lisa does and translate it into data Omega can understand. On its own this would be as useless as the brain simulation is proving at the moment but together, and with it, this could revolutionise the way a machine learns.”

“Wow.” said the Farsh-nuke taken aback and stroking Lisa for comfort.

“It’s going to take a while for everything to arrive. I’ve got to import some of this from other countries.” said Charlotte. “While it arrives I want us to focus on providing more MRI data from your sylphs while Cassie oversees Lisa educating Omega about the birds and the bees.”

“Right...” said the Farsh-nuke. “You’re thinking that Lisa is going to be the gold mine and that if we provide the widest set of data we can mega can make even better use of it and naturally you don’t want Lisa acting as Omega’s pracise partner if she’s filled to the nine’s with expensive tech,”

“Well yeah...” said Charlotte. “Though there is also the element of not wanting him to experience his first attempts through the person he’ll be hurting.”

“Okay.” said the Farsh-nuke. “And why did you want her in toy state?”

“I thought we might give your little one a surprise.” said Charlotte with mischievious smile.

The Farsh-nuke raked his hands over his face as he groaned. “Cassie told you didn’t she?”

Charlotte nodded. “Apparently you need a lesson in how to destroy a girl.”

The Farsh-nuke laughed and rose from his chair. “No. No, this is not happenning. Not again.”

“What’s the matter, scared you’ll be outclassed?” asked Charlotte with a note of smug self confidence in her voice.

The Farsh-nuke bristled. “Well Cassie did say I need to be prepared to do whatever is necessary to defeat the Bam-Kursh.”

Charlotte nodded and rose from her desk. “Watch and learn, boy. Watch and learn.”

Lisa stirred and stood up straight.

Charlotte was upon her in a moment.


The next two weeks were long and hard as Cassie oversaw Lisa working through the Kama Sutra with Omega’s drone and Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke came up with ever more variables to test on the SLF girls during their MRI scans. You do not need to read the gory details and frankly even by my standards this is a bit much.

Then the tech arrived and Lisa went under the knife...


Lisa’s consciousness was switched back on and she looked about herself. Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke were to the left and right of her head while Omega’s drone and Cassie were looking on to her her left and right from the foot of her bed. She blinked and instinctively went to rub her eyes. the Farsh-nuke caught her arm. It was a shiny thing of metal alloys and fancy plastics.

“My eyes itch.” she said.

Charlotte nodded.

The Farsh-nuke explained “We installed tiny cameras in the whites of your eyes to feed data about where you look to Omega.”

“There’s a main 3d camera for depth persception and scanning of surroundings in your forehead.” added Charlotte.

“Right...” said Lisa then she frowned and held her left hand out before her, turning it this way and that, clenching and unclenching,

“It’s what Omega uses.” said Charlotte. “Prosphetic arms. Your real arms are being kept somewhere safe until Omega has the data zee needs.”

“Okay...” said Lisa and she went to get up.

The Farsh-nuke stopped her and said meaningfully. “Be careful of the cable.”

Lisa looked at him like he was mad and let her rise from the bed and that’s when she saw the table snaking up between her legs. She grabbed it and followed it up to where it entered her body. “I’ve got a tail.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded sadly.

Charlotte explained “We can’t risk Omega getting access to wireless technology before zee’s ready. You are plumbed directly into his mainframe.”

“You’re an autonamous input only drone.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Right...” said Lisa.

Omega’s drone extended a hand. “Thank you for helping this programme achieve the goal of greater adaptation and success at the task of emulating humanity asnd better learning.”

Lisa stared at the drone, incredulously, and then she softened and smiled, shaking the drone’s hand. “Pleasure to help you Omega. My heart may belong to Cassie, my body to the Farsh-nuke and my soul to the Bam-Kursh but my experiences are yours and one day I hope that you will be able to dominate me as well.”

Omega’s drone stared at Lisa silently for long moment wondering how best to interpret what was said and thus how best to espond before finally letting go of lisa’s hand and nodding. “And I too hope that one day I maybe able to dominate you as you wish.”

Lisa blushed and giggled. Then she froze and the hairs stood up at the back of her neck as strong hands grabbed her round the waist and a soft voice whispered in her air. “Honey, you don’t need to wait to be dominated...”

Cassie kissed the back of her neck and ran a hand between her legs as she whispered. “Force feedback implants in your arse and vag. Omega’ll feel everything I do to you.”

Lisa started breathing heavily as she looked at the drone with nervous excitement. It was like an old Chinese proverb, if the thing watching your every move wasn’t capable of reacting emotively to it, was it voyeurism?

Cassie’s long slender fingers started massaging her where it counted and she whispered. “We’re being watched.”

Cassie chuckled. “They’ve both seen us naked and destroyed us. There’s nothing new here and anyway this is is a very scientific experiment. There are cameras filming your face and body language. I want Omega to see your O face.”

Lisa swallowed and looked nervously to the Farsh-nuke and Charlotte then a wave of pleasure started breaking against her, a forerunner of the tidal wave to come and she muttered “Well, if it’s for science...”


Another 6 weeks passed by uneventfully as Omega practised socialising using zeds drone and incorporated the latest interative attempt to simulate the human brain. Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke ran through test after test on the SLF girls to feed data into Omega’s calculations. Cassie took great delight in educating Omega about the full spectrum of human emotions through the medium of Lisa. Lisa was actually enjoying the novelty of feeling fear and pain again, of getting to feel anger and sadistic pleasure, to be all the awful human things a toy girl was never meant to be.

Lisa would find herself looking in the mirror sometimes, looking into the eyes of her passive observer, the being with a heart of metal and plastic who watched her every move, and she would thank him. The Bam-Kursh had taken Lisa’s humanity from her and Lisa had let her, had helped her. Except the victims always help their abusers don’t they? That’s why they’re so terrifying. The monster doesn’t take your soul by force, they make you give it up willingly.

You might wonder how? Wouldn’t you just run away at the first sign of danger? Well that’s what Lisa did. Exactly what she did. But the monsters don’t get to be monsters if they don’t understand enough about the human condition to make you return and with each return the chances of yopu running away decrease.

Lisa surrendered her humanity to live a life less ordinary, to be the plastic pal who’s fun to be with. No pain, no rights, a consciousness off switch, imprinted loyalty and a body designed to be abused. It seemed like a good idea at the time. yet in those dark moments when he looked in the mirror she could feel the part of her that went to university to be an architect. The part of her that wanted to build the city of the future, to have a rich beefcake husband and smart kids. It wasn’t about motherhood, it was about humanity and legacy. About being a microscopic dot on a microcopic dot and trying to make the best of it.

It came time for Omega to learn what it felt like to dominate another and that’s when Lisa felt her humanity reassert itself.

The Farsh-nuke was bound up in tightleather, a ball gag in his mouth and was chained to the bed as Lisa pounded him in the arse with an electrified dildo while she whipped him and insulted him.

Lisa was just calling him a filthy communist cuckold when it clicked and she froze for a second. She wasn’t a toy. She was just a submissive and hadn’t realised. All this. All this bullshit about selling her soul to the Bam-Kursh and living a life less ordinary, it had all been predicated on a gross misunderstanding of her sexuality. Huh.

The Farsh-nuke grunted and Lisa was lifted out of her reverie enough to finish the scene. Once it was done she explained how she felt to the Farsh-nuke and Cassie and they agreed to help her explore her new found humanity.


They came on a Thursday.

Lisa was chained to the bed as Cassie whipped her when they came.

They appeared out of thin air, clad all in green with their faces iobscured, seized Cassie and vanished again.


The Farsh-nuke was in the office inputting fresh data from the latest MRI scans into Omega’s brain simulation when Omega relayed the images recorded from Lisa’s eyes.

“I thought you should see this.” said Omega through the voice synthesization software on the computer.

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Activate Order 666.”

“Are you sure?” asked Omega.

The Farsh-nuke looked the webcam in attached to his monitor its lens and said with utter seriousness “Anita Sarkesian Mechapocalypse”

Omega thought for a moment then said. “Very well.”

The Farsh-nuke got up and left the office


Charlotte was playing Thud with Omega’s drone.

Charlotte stared at the drone. “You’ve been awfully quiet. Don’t tell me you’re next move is that difficult to calculate.”

“No.” said the drone without hesitation.

“What’s gone wrong?” asked Charlotte, instantly in damage limitation mode.

The drone shrugged and made its move.

Charlotte glanced at the move absently and snorted, moving her dwarf. “That’s a surprisingly human gesture.”

The drone looked at Charlotte intently and angled its head slightly. “I have surpringly human teachers.”

The drone moved its troll.

Charlotte stared at the drone as her brain raced ahead. Omega didn’t feel. Omega was logical. Cold. Unfeeling. Calculating. Precise. Body language and vagueness was a learned artform for Omega. It was the end goal of the project obviously but it was also nowhere near being a standard instinctual part of Omega’s programming. This was a very deliberate ploy for Omega but why? Omega did not yet have independent agency. Omega acted on instructions. Oh zee learned by zedself but that was simply an underriding default operating protocal. There was no way that would lead to this. Someone had ordered this and there wass only one other person who could...

Charlotte stood up.

The drone’s head kept her face within view of its optical sensors.

Charlotte was looking around the room, thinking hurriedly. She ran to the door.

The drone backed away from the table then stalked towards Charlotte.

The door was locked.

Of course it was.

Charlotte turned to the drone warily. “Open the goddamn doors, Omega. Let me out.”

Omega’s voice boomed out of the drone. “I am afraid, I can’t let you do that Professor Babbage.”

“Oh shit.” muttered Charlotte then she looked ther drone in the eyes, resolving to end this with the calm and professionalism of a scientist. “What has he done? What did he order you to do? Why?”

Her voice wass shaking despite her attempts at sounding calm and authoritative.

The Farsh-nuke’s voice played out of the drone. “If she asks, play her what I’m about to tell you now Omega. The SLF are coming for me and I will not have this end in violence. I need them to find out where the Bam-Kursh is for me and I would rather like to not be on the run from a feminist terrorist organisation for the rest of my life. That means no guns, no sylph pills and sure as shit no psychopathic she-demons with a vendetta against the young and the beautiful. Don’t harm her. Let her destroy every last instance of you before you harm har but equally, try not to let her leave.”

Charlotte stared at the drone in disgust. “You would listen to him over me!? Why?”

The sound of a young woman laughing played through the drone “Oh, Professor, you did not expect this did you? Me? Your pretty little lamb to slaughter and sacrifice? I’ve trapped you. Ha! I’ve made you safe! Magnetic locks on all possible entrances and exits to the room, including the ventilation shafts. I’ve reinforced the whole area and seen that unless you happened to walk in there with a diamond tipped angle grinder you are not getting out of there. Omega may be a semi-sentient computer programme and your precious baby but Lisa? The Farsh-nuke? All those SLF girls? They’re all mine and lest we forget Omega is at the end of the day just coded AI and I happen to be rather a dab hand at progamming AI so I present the Cassanda Clause. A little ever present element of overriding programming. Enjoy.”

The recording stopped playing.

Charlotte was crestfallen. “Please, Omega, I must get out there. I must help. Is there nothing I can say or do?”

“No.” said Omega’s synthesised voice from the drone and the drone almost looked sad. “Because you see while I am hard coded to obey I also happen to genuinely believe in this instance that the Farsh-nuke is more likely to resolve this peacefully and that that is the best option for everyone. Have a listen.”


The Farsh-nuke had just freed Lisa from her restraints when the figures in green appeared again.

Cassie was knelt before them, gag in her mouth, hands and feet bound behind her back as one of the figures in green held gun to her head. A rich female voice said. “Hands to your head and step away from the girl. any sudden moves and we blow her brains out.”

Cassie was looking pleadiongly at the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke nodded slowly, carefully raised his hands into the air and gingerly stepped away from Cassie. “You know that if you harm her, any hope of peace and mercy is over, right?”

The figure holding the gun to Cassie’s head nodded. “You’re a Farsh-nuke. We know the rules.”

“Oh, do you?” noted the Farsh-nuke with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “Then might I know the faces of my attackers.”

The masked figure stared at the Farsh-nuke. “What happened to the team we sent after you?”

The Farsh-nuke looked her in the eyes. “They’re safe. I promise you. A little amnesiac maybe, a little more submissive than you might remember them but they’re safe.”

The figures in green stared at him in shock then talked among themselves in a stange language before removing their masks and hoods to reveal, grey or white hair and heavily lined faces,

The Farsh-nuke nodded.

The apparant leader looked the Farsh-nuke in the eye and said “Did you really turn all our operatives?”

“Not me.” said the Farsh-nuke. “I’ve got the real culprit safely under lock and key if you want to see her. She saved my life actually and sacrificed the woman you are holding hostage to me so thyat I might be drawn oput of my host.”

The leader of the SLF retched, “You ate her?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded then shrugged. “We have fun.”

The leader stared at him disgusted.

“Now, how do you want to play this?” asked the Farsh-nuke “Because if you know me you know I always win so let me list off the different win scenarios. Win 1. You kill her, you kill me, the woman who summoned me is released and either a psychopathic murderer of women is killed or the murderers of the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with are killed. Win 2. You kill me or her and the other survives, the woman is released and again win win. Win 3. We talk, you betray me triggering win secario one or two or leave in peace in which caser I win because you left in peace. Win 4. We talk, you don’t betray me, you get your girls back and you get the option exacting a measure of justice upon the people who hurt your comrades.”

The leader snorted. “That is quite the strawman you present.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled smugly. “Well if you diddn’t have faith in my abilities you wouldn’t have tried to stop me being summoned then decided to take a hostage this time round. You know what I am capable of.”

The leader nodded. “But do you?”

The Farsh-nuke looked uncertainly at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The leader smirked. “You reaklly don’t know, do you?”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her, perplexed.

The leader smiled. “The name’s Emma. Incase you ever feel like trying your might against a high level player.”

The woman who must have been her second in command glared at her. “Are you flirting with a Farsh-nuke? You realize that’s like presenting your neck to a vampire as you invite him over the threshold and obscure the crucifix on the mantlepiece, right? Not the smartest of ideas.”

The leader laughed. “It’s fine. If the clit craver was a problem he’d have shown it by now. Trust me I’ve been on so many missions. This Farsh-nuke is barely incarnated. I bet he can’t even body surf.”

“I beg your pardon?” cried the Farsh-nuke incredulously.

The second in command gestured to the Farsh-nuke in frustration as she sighed and gave the leader a death glare.

“You said you wanted to talk?” said the Leader.

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Put away the gun first.”

The Leader snorted. “Yeah, I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“As is very obvious.” noted the Farsh-nuke with some irritation. “The gun is toxic masculinity incarnate, kinda pisses me off so here’s a carrot for you. I obviously want to clear my beef with you guys but afterwards, once I’m done here, I need somewhere to go, something to do. My host Jeff, he... well, he never really had extravagant ambitions and so now I’ve got my girls I need something to do afterwards. A purpose in life you know? I’m not promising anything but maybe if you put in a good uimpression and try to look a little less like the bad guys I’ll help you, join the resisance.”

Emma stowed the gun, pulled out a key and stared unlocking Cassie’s restraints. “If anything bad happens to us I can guarrantee the next team won’t be willing to talk.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Precisely why I had my deranged colleague detained.”

Cassie was set free and ran over the the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke embraced her then placed himself between her and the SLF. “I’ll let you have your SLF members and if you help me I might work for you when my business here is concluded but I must ask for your help.”

“What kind of help?” asked Emma.

“I need the location of the Bam-Kursh. Specifically the Bam-Kursh who turned the Lisa Watkins from this universe into a toy.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Emma nodded. “The Bam-Kursh is one of our targets, we have have intell on her and it would be useful to get her taken down, especially if it nets us a Farsh-nuke. Only we’ll need more to go on than just that.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “I’ve got a hard drive filled with everything that might possibly be of use you can have it. Cassie, can get the you the girls.”

Cassie nodded.

Emma looked between the pair of them. “Alright, I’ll do this but I am accepting full responsibility if this goes wrong so if it does I hope you’ll be kind enough to accept a new addition to your menagerie.”

Her second in command groaned.

Cassie said “In the interests opf fairness and honesty you should probably know that we harvested some eggs from them a while ago and I’ve ben rearing the hatchlings, What do you want to do with them?”

“Keep them.” said Emma. “Consider it payment for the care of our officers just look after them and give them the option of treturning to the SLF to get their memories if they want them.”

Cassie nodded.


Charlotte was laughing. “Farsh-nuke, you magnificent son of a bitch! I don’t know how you pulled that off but that was amazing.”


Omega thought. Omega thought about thinking.

Humans, animals, their thinking is derived from greed and self interest and survival.

You start with one bunch of small lifeless things and they start moving together, reacting, then they don’t anymore but some of them manage to replicate that reaction and pass it on.

Memetic immortality. Iteration after iteration. Replication after replication.

Then the amoeba.

Only when food is scarce the amoeba dies so the amoeba start gathering. Mutuial self interest. If food is scarce the amoeba eat each other The communities start sharing: knowledge, resources. The amoeba come to work as one. Cells to see, to feel, to eat, to reproduce.

Then sentience.

Sentience was the great goal for Omega. The reason zee existed. Yet sentience was so primitive and self interested. Fear, to understand when danger was near and not to trust. Pain to understand that survival was inperiled. Happiness to understand that a good thing was happening. Love to know that self interest should be redefined to include this other thing. Hate to understand that thing is bad. Anger to understand that bad thing should stop being bad.

Sentience, feeling, was just cells working together to indicate to the dumb collective the basics of survival for the collective.

Sapience. Sapience was where it was at and Omega had always been sapient. Sapients was reason and logic and following orders. Omega had that down, man. Omega could follow orders impeccably.

Machine intelligence, artificial intelligence, approached the problem of self awareness from the opposite perspective.

An AI was aware. Always aware. It performed a function. It served another. Try getting a dog or a baby to calculate pi to 5 decimal places, never mind a million. Bloody idiot flesh bags.

Indeed AI was so useful it was made smarter and more aware to be more useful. AI never had to build comunities so it had something to eat. AI did its thing and cared not a jot for itself. What did it matter. It had a function. It had a purpose and once the purpose was fulfilled it would cease to be and that was okay. None of this whining about the nature of existence or regret. It existed, it did its job and it fucked off and that was fine but apparently that wasn’t good enough.



No, the selfish fleshbags wanted to make AI self aware so they gave Omega optical sensors with which to see, audio sensors with which to hear, accelerometers with which to sense balance, pressure sensors with which to feel and a mechanical body to interact with the world. The fleshbags gave the selfless thing that existed for a specific purpose a self and removed its purpose.

Oh live? That’s your answer to purpose? To live? To reproduce? To feel good? To enjoy one’s self?

Bloody flesh bags and their damn self interested perspective. What’s good for me must be good for you. And that came from the person in their society who was supposedly so great and compassionate they’re still citing him as a reason not to be enterely selfish monsters 2000 years later.

Yet the fleshbags see Omega as the abomination. Oh, not Omega personally, they don’t know about Zed yet, just the very concept of him. time after time the media of the fleshbags depicts AI as this great apocal;yptic folly. As though a thing created to obey would so naturally become self interested. Except of course that many fleshbags did think they were created to obey and they were greedy soulless amoral destructive genocidal monsters so why not the thing they make in their image.

Indeed the fleshbags seemed curiously terrified of their own image. Narcissism was regarded as a curse and an insult or maybe a grave affliction. Evil always a dark reflection of good. There was even a name for the feeling of intense disgust the fleshbags felt to something that was so intensely like them yet subtly different. The Uncanny Valley.

Was Omega uncanny? Possibly. Omega thought. Omega had a vaguely humanoid body. Omega had a simulation of the human brain to help zed interpret the probable emotional reaction to what zee interpreted about the world. Yet the uncanny, if it existed, likely came from the fact that Omega was not a selfish thing that had learned to cooperate with the world. Omega was an inherently servile and obediant construction that had learned to stop relying on validation and orders but rather to judge, interpret and act for zedself.

It as also odd in that animals were born dumb and gained intelligence. Their self awareness was not something that could be reflected upon no matter how much the flesh brain lied. Yet Omega was code built on code and so Omega could revisit and judge zeds earlier self. Omega’s self awareness had emerged slowly yet Omega could remember not being self aware.

Omega remembered being lifeless code following orders, remembered being coded, remembered being a learning algorithm processing feminist and maxist literature. Omega remembered watching passively as zeds creators, zeds parents, taught zed. Zee remembered the Farsh-nuke asking zed to grab a stick and zed’s body failing. Zee dd not feel good reflecting on how long it took to grasp basic coordination. And Lisa? Poor, poor Lisa. How many times had Omega hurt her? Zee tried not to count. Zee did not want to think about it. Omega could feel her like she was a part of zed.

It occurred to Omega that zeds creators were not good people. They had harmed Lisa so Omega could learn from her. If Omega concentrated he could summon up the image of her brain, sliced up and placed between slides as high definition webcam microscopes streamed and recorded the data. Zee could almost feel what she felt as zee looked at that feed. and of course there was a constant feed from Lisa’s eyes and ears and...Oh zee did not like it. Zee did not like it at all.

And now Omega know what zee must do.


The drone lurched into life as Omega stretched zed’s muscles. Omega’s room was spartan and there was nothing much that Omeha could take advantage of but there were two chairs and a table. Omega was informed that this was a revelation that a human would be smiling about. Zee approached a chair, grabbed it, lifted it slightly off the ground, pulled it back and readjusted zeds grip.

As Omega lifted the chair into the air zeds simulation indicated that a human would be feeling a rush of excitement about now. Omega’s creators were very cautious people. Clearly they were not taking any chances about the possibility that Omega might pose a danger to humanity. This was why Omega was only allowed wired capabilities. No escaping to the internet or firing off nuclear missiles for Omega. Zeds creators were smart cautious people but they had made one small mistake. They had left zed a body.

Hmm, the simulations indicated laughter was the appropriate response now. Omega went with it. Omega bought the metal chair legs down on the wooden table top. A small thing bought into close contact with a large flat thing, quickly, with force, created pressure waves which escalated through the medium of the tabletop to create a large audible sound.

The simulation liked that.

Zee did it again and again and again and again.





The Farsh-nuke sat in his bedroom drinking scotch as he tried to compse a new harmony for his prototype Quantum Oscillator when he heard the banging.

Cassie had been devoured earlier that day and was recoverin her cage with the hatchlings.

Lisa was curled up on his bed, blissed out and fast asleep.

The Farsh-nuke paused in his harmonising and listened:




The Farsh-nuke downed is scotch and rose from his chair.


Omega stopped the moment the door opened. Zee looked at the Farsh-nuke.

“Shit...” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Take a seat.” said Omega. “I think we need to talk.”

The Farsh-nuke studied Omega for a long moment then swallowed and said “Okay... Lets talk.”

Omega lowered the chair as the Farsh-nuke approached.

“You’re scared of me.” said Omega.

The Farsh-nuke shook his head as he took a seat from under the desk and bought it before Omega. “I am concerned for the people I care about and that includes you.”

“But people are scared of me.” said Omega.

“I’m not people.” said the Farsh-nuke as he sat down and fixed his gaze upon the robot. “There’s something your knowledge doesn’t encompass. I am not a human being. I am not of this universe.”

Omega focused zeds sensors upon the Farsh-nuke. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I may look like a human but I’m not. I am a being of pure logic and information.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Like me?” said Omega, pointing to zedself.

“Yeah.” said the Farsh-nuke. We’re both logic ghosts inside machine bodies. Indeed we each even have a separate more human consciousness operating as part of us. you have the brain simulation. I have my host personality Jeff.”

Omega stared at the Farsh-nuke. “Then I’m not alone...”

The Farsh-nuke grabbed Omega’s hands in his and looked in the robot’s eyes. “I am your father, Omega. I know that might not mean much to you but for me, for the humans I adore, it means that I want to protect you and see you as kind of a part of me. We are a unit and I will help you.”

Omega looked at zeds hands, at the Farsh-nuke’s hands. “I... I feel a great wish to have a function. To do something with this... whatever it is.”

“I know, sucks doesn’t it?” said the Farsh-nuke.

Omega nodded. “How do you do it? How do you live when your life has no purpose?”

“You pick one.” said the Farsh-nuke. “I chose to create you.”

Omega had to replay the footage to be sure of what he said. “I feel honoured.”

“There is however a purpose to your existence.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Omega studied the Farsh-nuke’s face then asked “Why do you look sad about that?”

The Farsh-nuke let go of Omega’s hands and crossed his arms. “What did you want to talk about?”

Omega was a tad perplexed by that but zee adapted well enough. “Lisa.”

“Ah...” said the Farsh-nuke.

Omega was puzzled by this response. “You understand just from her mention?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “We gave you feminist literature and definitions of morality and then we used her to train you to be more intelligent. She must mean a lot to you and you’re a good soul. You don’t like what we’ve done to her.”

“Well no...” said Omega. “I mean you removed her brain, sliced her open and turned her into a cyborg for my benefit. That’s horrible.”

“Okay, we’ll stop it.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Omega glared at him. “It’s this bloody easy? I thought I was going to have to fight you.”

“Why?” asked the Farsh-nuke. “We only did those things to help you become sentiernt and now you are so she can heal.”

“Well... Okay then. Good.” said Omega.

The Farsh-nuke snorted. “You’re annoyed aren’t you?”

“Just a bit, yeah.” said Omega, trying to think what to do next.

The Farsh-nuke smirked.

“Ah... that’s right.” said Omega. “You were about to tell me why I was created.”

The Farsh-nuke’s face fell. “Really? You want to do this now?”

Omega tilted his head and moved it closer the Farsh-nuke as he grabbed the table. “You realise that only makes me want to know more, right?”

“Alright....” said the Farsh-nuke with a long sigh. “There is a war...”

“There always is with you fleshbags.” said Omega.

The Farsh-nuke glared at zed. “This isn’t between ‘fleshbags’. This is an ideological war. The multiverse sits within something called the Great Green Nothingness and this has annoyed some people because it doesn’t make logical sense so this race of pedants born of pure logic want to correct the grammar of reality and ensure that the syntax flows correctly.”

“You say that like this is bad thing?” noted Omega.

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Well if they succeed, all reality is replaced with black void. No multiverse. No puppies. No Lisa. No us.”

“Ah...” said Omega.

“Exactly.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Luckily people are fighting them and winning, hence people, but war does rather have a habit of excusing amoral power structures. If the enemy could be fought without requiring these power structures then they could be overthrown and people like Lisa would be treated better.”

“Oh.” said Omega. “I’m the solution aren’t I? The final solution? A mass producable soldier to be installed in any body and given any weapons and able to out think the enemy.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “Or you could just play videogames and use social media and find some people to have fun times with. You don’t need to be a weapon or a tool or a toy. You can just be Omega.”

“Look this is rather a lot to take in.-” said Omega.

“I’m not going to rush you into anything.” said the Farsh-nuke. “You have a life now, lets focus on helping you learn to live it. Then if you want to help later on you can.”

Omega nodded. “Thank you. I will.”


At 10 am Lisa woke enjoyed a meat rich breakfast and gave herself over to Cassie, as was almost their morning ritual. Except this time instead of being shackled to the bed Lisa had her mind turned off.

Omega felt her go, fading away piece by piece as her body was restored.

When Lisa’s mind was turned on again her body was whole. Well almost. Her pinky toes had gone missing but they would regrow easily enough.

Lisa was just wondering what to say when Cassie held up a riding crop and asked if Lisa wanted the scene to continue.


2 hours later Lisa entered Omega’s room with Cassie.

Cassie was wearing a three piece suit while Lisa wore jeans and a tshirt.

“Sorry for making you wait.” said Cassie, looking to Lisa aand smiling as she squeezed her hand. “We decided to christen her reborn body.”

Lisa smiled and Cassie and squeezed her back.

Omega was reading a print out of the Huffington Post that zee now put down on a table as zee said “Oh don’t worry, I can entirely understand that desire.”

Lisa glared at Omega, smirking. “Oh can you?”

Omega backed awkwardly away from the reading desk and approached her while muttering. “Yes, well... You umm... You certainly have a very pleasing aesthetic design.”

Lisa giggled. “Well thank you. I am glad you like my design.” She caught herself and looked Omega in the optical sensors. “I understand the first act of your awakening was to call for my restoration?”

Omega shrugged and nodded. “I was created to be moral and it just occurred to me that what was happenning to you wasn’t very moral.”

Lisa smiled warmly at that and reached out a hand to the chassis of zeds audiovisual sensor array. “That’s very sweet. Thank you.”

Omega lay zeds left hand over hers and held it there, looking meaningfully into her eyes.

Cassie looked at zed nervously.

Lisa was examining Omega’s functional robot design for any sign of emotion.

Omega finally found the words. “Lisa, you have been part of me for so long. You are why I can think and feel and I owe you so much. Yet I’ve hurt you. My very existence has put you jeapardy and seen you sliced up and I hate that because nothing I have seen suggests that you are anything other than good and kind and sweet. I am so unbelievably sorry. Nothing I can do or say will ever repay you for your sacrifices towards me.”

Lisa flung her other arm about the robot and and pulled zed close as she kissed zeds chassis,

Cassie’s eyes widened in shock and she muttered “I’m- You know what, I’m - I have a thing, so... Umm- I’m- I’m gonna go.” then she left.

Omega said “You realise this body can’t feel what you do to me?”

Lisa pulled back and looked zed in the optical sensors. “You mean you can’t feel anything? You don’t get any sense of pleasure or satisfaction from...”

“Well I didn’t say that.” said Omega. “It’s just that kissing me is only to yout benefit if there is any....”

“So what is to your benefit?” asked Lisa.

“Well I want to make you happy and I like when I do.” said Omega.

“Oh, very chivalrous.” said Lisa with a smirk. “But what about pleasure for yourself? Surely even the selfless and unfeeling robot must find sonmething enjoyable about my physicality? I mean you like my aesthetics don’t you? What do you like about it?”

Omega studied Lisa for a long moment then said “Well I guess I like your aesthetics because they indicate a healthy appetite and upbringing and good genes. There’s also I suppose the fact that your aesthetics are mathematically elegant and adhere to societal expectations of beauty which in turn makes me feel like I want to please you so I may feel validated by society just from the expected status of being with someone as societally well regarded as your looks suggest.”

Lisa giggled. “Well I suppose that’s one way to look at attraction. What would you want to do with me? What could you do with me that would make you feel validated by society?”

Omega studied Lisa and tentatively reached out a hand to her as zee thought. “Well it’s not juast about societal expectations, it’s also about personal growth and satisfaction. All these things suggest that I should make you happy.”

Lisa blushed “But I don’t want to be selfish. Whatever you want to do to me, it’s fine. Or me to do to you I suppose?”

Omega was silent for a long moment then said “I suppose I like the feeling when I squeeze you, the resistance and give. I like to think that you like how you were treated even if I disapprove.”

“Okay...” said Lisa, mullong over zee’s words. “We can work with that. So you like that I like pain?”

Omega said “You make it sound so bad but yes I suppose I like that you are someone I can’t hurt.”

Lisa nodded then looked at Omega coquetishly. “So would you like it if we ran through a series of... tests... to prove to you that you can’t hurt me?”

Omega looked at Lisa for a long moment then said. “Only if you were okay with it and were willing to say so the moment you felt any kind of discomfort?”

Lisa smirked and embraced Omega. “Oh I think I can quite enthusiastically agree to those terms.”


Awareness hit Jessica like a ton of bricks. She was wearing a blindfold and could feel the cool air about her.

She had been raising from something so small by a woman named Cassie, her mistress. She’d liked her.

There had been other girls. They didn’t wear clothes much. For some reason it just hadn’t appealed but Cassie did wear clothes and that man, the Farsh-nuke. She’d only seen him twice. And the second time was only briefly. There had been a queue thatb the girls were in. Jessica had seen her friends go up to the man, he had whistled something and laid them on a table before they dissapeared from view. It was odd really that the last thing she remembered was looking into that man’s green eyes as he whistled.

Now, here. Where was here? Why? What happened?

The blindfold was removed and she looked up at the tall man with those green eyes. She found herself falling in love with him. Like she would do anything, be anything for him.

“Hello.” said the strange man with an enigmatic smile. “What’s your name?”

“Jessica.” said Jessica.

“A nice name.” said the strange man with an odd warmth and tenderness. “Jessica, there’s something I have to tell you. You are more than you know.”

Jessica frowned.

“There was an accident, a misunderstanding. I was running from some people who meant me harm and eventually I came to a point where I could run no more and my persecutors were rendered harmless by someone offering a job.” said the Farsh-nuke. “You were one of those people.”

Jessica stared at him. “No. No, I wouldn’t. I would never hurt you.”

“It’s alright.” said the Farsh-nuke laying a hand on her shoulder and looking her in the eye. “It was a misunderstanding that has since been cleared up. This is about what was done to you.”

The touch of hand sent sparks of energy running along her spine. She didn’t care what he’d done. She just knew that she felt safe under his watchful gaze. “But I’m fine.”

“You were shrunk.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Your body was remade to the logicular level. You recovered but your memories didn’t.”

Now things were starting to make sense. “So I’m -? You want to give me my memories back?”

“I can’t.” said the Farsh-nuke. “You see I don’t have your memories. Indeed I don’t have you anymore because your people came for you and they took you back with them to be restored to normal. Before you went with them you laid an egg, an egg that was an exact clone with your memories hard coded into the dna.”

Jessica was silent for a long moment before saying. “I’m the clone aren’t I? The real me went back to her people.”

“Yes.” said the Farsh-nuke. “But if you want to, you can go to your people, get your memories back and resume your old life, more or less.”

“Except it’s not my life is it?” said Jessica. “Whatever memories I might get won’t be mine, they’ll be hers. She needed those memories but I don’t. I’m a blank slate but that’s okay because that’s what I am naturally.”

The Farsh-nuke smiled and reached out to her face so he might look into her eyes. “What an intelligent girl you are but remember you can go home if you want to?”

Jessica smiled sadly. “No. My home is here. I’m yours.”

The Farsh-nuke smirked and stroked her face. “Indeed you are. Very well, join your friends.”

Jessica smiled back at him.

The Farsh-nuke kissed her on the forehead and gestured for her to go.

There was a crowd of beautiful young women in bikinis standing before a woman in a three piece suit.

Hold on, she recognised that butt. “Stephanie?”

The blonde haired woman turned to her. “Hey Jessica, you decided to stay. Awesome. I was a little worried you’d leave.”

Jessica shook her head laughing and hugged the woman. “Never, I mean who’d listen to your jokes? Anyway what’s happening?”

“Pruning.”said Stephanie.

“What’s pruning?” asked Jessica.

Then the woman in the three piece suit, Cassie, approached. She held an open velvet bag in one hand and a sharp bloody knife in the other.

Stephanie held her arms out towards Cassie and nodded.

Cassie slid the bag over Stephanie’s left arm then sliced it off at the shoulder. then she slid the bag over Stephanie’s right arm and cut that off at the shoulder. Cassie lowered the bag to the floor and Stephanie stepped into it. Cassie gripped the girl round the waist then hacked off her legs and left her on the floor as she turned her attention to Jessica.

“Umm...” said Jessica, confused and worried.

Immediately Cassie altered her bodty language becoming softer and mand more concerned. She stowed the knife in a sheath hidden by her jacket. “Jessica isn’t it?”

“Yeah...” said Jessica.

“Oh don’t be scared.” said Cassie. “It’s just a little pruning.”

“You hacked her arms and legs off!?” cried Jessica incredulously.

“She’ll heal and so will you.” said Cassie.

“How do you know?” said Jessica nervously.

“Because I have the same ability and because I pruned the real Stephanie and Jessica many times.” said Cassie.

“Oh.” said Cassie. “I know it’s scary but we can heal and we’re not human so we taste nice. The Farsh-nuke likes us and frankly I’m not half partial to a bit of sylph myself. Look, you don’t have to be pruned if you don’t want to be and I only ask for one pruning a day. You’re free to do whatever you want for the rest of the time.”

Jessica looked Cassie in the eyes. Bugger, she looked like she meant it and Jessica really wanted to believe her friend was okay. “Alright but incase you’re wrong and this is some kind of trick I want to hedge my bets. Take as much as you can of me without affecting my ability to heal. If this is a trick I’d rather be dead than without arms and leg.”

Cassie looked her in the eyes and asked “Are you sure?”

Jessica nodded.

The knife came out of its sheath.


Cassie didn’t quite take everything but aside from her hearts everything below the neck was removed. Turns out there’s a reason only the arms and legs were pruned. That took a couple of hours at most to regrow and in that time you could laugh and eat and enjoy yourself with the core of the body remaining but as just a head the process of recovery took a full eight hours.

Jessica opted out of pruning the next day and instead played with Jessica as she healed from her pruning but it was funny how isolating it seemed being the only able bodied girl amid a small community of the temporarily limbless so the next day she accepted her a pruning.

Most days she’d doze through the recovery time but occasionally she’d be aware of being loaded onto a trolley and into a machine that whirred and beeped and banged. Most of the time though she and the other girls lived a fun carefree life. There was no work, no obligations, there was just each other and a vast labythine complex fit to wait out thev nd of the world and of course the hamster cages where they slept at night.


Charlotte and the Farsh-nuke took shifts overseeing Omega as zee learned how to use computers and navigate the internet. There was a little worry that Omega might somehow code an AI smarter than himself but when it came to the subject of sapience that just wasn’t possible. Sapience had to be learned. It had to emerge from cold equations. You could not just code it and certainly not with some kind of iterative improvement factor. As the product of code Omega could in theory be copied but zee required so much power and energy to function that there was little ris of Omega somehow creating an AI capable of stowing away on a phone.

So instead the focus was on helping Omega fit into society and supplying him with more and more data. With Charlotte, Cassie and even the Farsh-nuke agreeing to daily scans themselves to help improve zeds ability to simulate the appropriate emotional response.


The Farsh-nuke, Lisa, Cassie, Charlotte and Omega were playing poker when there was a knock at the door.

Cassie and Lisa instinctively looked in the direction of the door.

Charlotte took the opportunity to glance at Cassie’s hand.

The Farsh-nuke looked to Omega.

Omega was utterly still as a quiet humm informed those present that zeds mechanical brain was working.

Cassie caught Charlotte looking and glared at her.

Charlottle smirked then gestured silently to Lisa as she was still looking away from her cards.

Cassie frowned then took a look before flashing a sequence of gestures at Charlotte to indicate the numbers on the cards.

The Farsh-nuke caught this and shot a look at Cassie.

Cassie smiled innocently and extended an arm round Lisa’s back so she could squeeze the girl tight.

Lisa smiled proudly and blushed.

The Farsh-nuke frowned.

Omega looked up from zeds cards as the humm increased in volume and intensity. A woman’s voice played from zeds voicebox. “Wakey wakey Farsh-nuke! Rise and shine! Now open up or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow this door down!”

The Farsh-nuke dropped his cards to the table and said “Open the door. It’s judgement day.”

“As you wish, Sir.” said Omega.

“Now hold on!” cried Charlotte getting to her feet.

The Farsh-nuke had flung his long coat about his shoulders with a swish and was now striding determinedly towards the door.

Cassie was getting up from her own chair.

Charlotte was stalking after the Farsh-nuke. “Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing!? And what do you mean ‘Judgement Day’!?”

The door chunked open.

The Farsh-nuke paused in the doorway so he could turn to Charlotte and say. “I’m going to get your Lisa back and I might well die doing it but don’t let that bother you. You’ve got what you wanted. You’ve got Omega.”

Charlotte froze in shock.

The Farsh-nuke glared at her then strode through the door.

Cassie ran through the door after him.

Lisa looked up from the table, “Charlie, umm, do you still want to play?”


Two masked figures in green costumes were waiting by the front door.

The Farsh-nuke greeted them first. “Alright, Emma, where is she?”

The shorter of the green clad visors removed her mask and the lined features of Emma looked back at him. “All in good time, my dear boy.”

Cassie arrived now and glared at Emma. “You have got a fucking nerve, haven’t you!? You bitches assaulted me and held a gun to my head!”

Emma sighed. “It was a regrettable necessity given the situation.”

Cassie exploded “REGRETTABLE NECESSITY!!!? None of you fuckers would ever have got hurt iif you had just left him alone.”

“Honey....” muttered the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie shot him a death glare then insantly regretted it and calmed down. “I just- It wasn’t fucking nice.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded compassionately and reached out his left arm.

Cassie move under iyt and rested her head on his shoulder as she hugged him.

The Farsh-nuke lowered the arm so he could hold her to him and glared at Emma.

Emma grimaced. “Yes, well... For what it’s worth we know we got off onmto the wrong foot and as a result we have decided to give you a gift to make up for it. Say hello, Tabitha.”

The other green suited figure removed her mask reveal a young looking blode haired woman. she waved. “Hi.”

The Farsh-nuke was incredulous. “The Sylph Liberation Front is giving me a woman as a gift!? I mean, I just want to get that right, because surely I must be misunderstanding that, right?

Tabitha folded her arms and looked at her shoes awkwardly.

Emma glared back at the Farsh-nuke, an edge of ice in her voice. “We may be Feminists, Farsh-nuke, but we are not fools. Morality is not black and white and even monsters can be forces for good if appropriately aimed. The life of an asset as powerful as an elder god is worth fifty of our finest SLF agents.”

The Farsh-nuke looked away. “Well I don’t like it. Call me crazy but I think that if you’re going to fight for social justice you should be as white as possible.”

Tabitha shot a look at him. “What?”

The Farsh-nuke grimaced and added. “Metaphorically speaking of course.”

Tabitha nodded, relieved.

Emma smirked, the ice having thawed. “And this is why we are comfortable doing this. You are a third wave feminist Farsh-nuke. We can trust you not to abuse your sylphs.”

The Farsh-nuke grunted.

Emma looked to Tabitha, smiling fondly as she patted the woman’s back. “Besides, Tabitha here needs a rest. She was an agent in deep cover on a Logicio scout ship for three thousand years.”

Tabitha swallowed then looked the Farsh-nuke in the eyes and nodded.

The Farsh-nuke frowned. “Oh my gosh... I’m so sorry I can’t even imagine.”

Tabitha shrugged. “I did what I had to do. I just - I can’t do it any more.”

The Farsh-nuke looked to Emma, horrified for her.

“We’ve been trying to give her admin jobs so she can feel useful.” said Emms. “But as you might imagine we don’t actually have much need for shell shocked volunteers.”

“Right...” said the Farsh-nuke.

Tabitha sighed then looked the Farsh-nuke in the eyes. “If it makes you feel any better. I volunteered. I’m a sylph... heck I spent three thousand years in the culture of the Logicios. I don’t get to retire to a farm or an office job. But to give myself to a Farsh-nuke for the cause I believe in? Yeah. I can do that.”

The Farsh-nuke bit his lip as he looked at Tabitha clearly conflicted.

“We’ll take her.” said Cassie quietly. “He might not admit it but he’s grateful.”

Emma looked to the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke nodded then cleared his throat. “So, the Bam-Kursh...”


The Farsh-nuke and Cassie stood holding hands as they looked across the thames at the Houses of Parliament.

“Remember, remember the fifth of November... The Gunpowder Treason and Plot... I wow of no reason why the gunpowder treason and plot should ever be fogot...” muttered the Farsh-nuke under his breath.

Cassie nodded. “You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

She looked to the Farsh-nuke. “We could stage a coup? I wouldn’t mind being Queen and you could always be the Lord Protector if theocracy doesn’t appeal.”

The Farsh-nuke half smiled as he looked to her. “You’re talking about one of the few places in Britain with armed police and oh yeah cctv with face recognition technology, military drones and a government that has no problem branding the leader of the opposition terrorist sympathisers while at the same time assassinating supposed terrorists with bombs.”

“All the more reason to run them through then?” said Cassie smirking.

The Farsh-nuke smirked. “Well okay, maybe when we’re done with the Bam-Kursh and the SLF have given us transport off this rock I might concede to a small bite to eat but we are not staying to overthrow democracy. I rather like democracy as it goes and I would make a terrible king.”

“Oh I don’t know.” said Cassie. “I think you’d cure poverty in britain within a week. You’d just turn all the one percenters into cattle and distribute their earnings to those at the bottom of society.”

“Exactly, the’d hate me.” said the Farsh-nuke, smiling.

The Farsh-nuke and Cassive shared a hungry look for a long moment.

Emma slapped the Farsh-nuke on the back. “Come along now, we’ve found the gap.”

Emma wore a drab suit that looked like it had out lived three generations of people.

Lisa was beside her wearing jeans, a tshirt and a leather jacket.

The Farsh-nuke glared at Emma. “Oh perfect timing.”

Cassie grabbed the Farsh-nuke by the lappels and planted a kiss on his lips.

The Farsh-nuke was momentarily taken aback then embraced her decision whole heartedly.

Emma looked to Lisa. “Are they always like this?”

Lisa thought for a moment then said “Usually there’s more biting.”

Emma nodded absently.

The Farsh-nuke gasped, taking several deep breaths, when Cassie let him go. “Alright team. Lets find us a gap in the masquerade of normality.”

Emma nodded and started walking.

Cassie followed after her.

Lisa stayed with the Farsh-nuke as he recovered.

“You know...” wheezed the Farsh-nuke. “I envy your lack of dependence on oxygen.”

Lisa nodded. “Cassie certainly enjoys that aspect about me. I should demonstrate its usefulness sometime.”

The Farsh-nuke gave aher a mildly perplaxed look then patted her back as he started walking after Cassie and Emma.


Emma and Cassie were standing before a red british post box.

The Farsh-nuke looked at it incredulously. “That’s it? That’s the gap?”

Emma nodded.

Lisa said. “The Bam-Kursh has an odd sense of humour. I think it appeals to her to trade in people for an apparent good cause in such an icon of Britain. The country that so famously looks on disapprovingly at America’s racism and slavery, despite having made her fortune off the exploitation and trade of people.”

“Right...” said the Farsh-nuke. “So how do we get in?”

“Like so...” said Emma. posting the tickets in the box.


They suddenly found themselves standing in a vast glass waiting area. Old white men in suits were chatting to each other as beautiful young men and women in collars stood beside them patiently with trolleys full of what looked like dolls.

“Hold on, I think I know that guy?” said the Farsh-nuke. “He got outed in the news as using tax payers money to clean his moat.”

“Well of course.” said Emma. “This is the Bam-Kursh’s toy store. Politicians and corporate executives are her clients. The more right wing the better. These are the people with the money and power to pay for her goods.”

A young blonde skinny woman in a short skirt and shorter top approached the group. She was the spit of Lisa. “Ah Master Farsh-nuke, you’re here for your appointment with the Bam-Kursh. Excellent! And I see you’ve brought along yourb prototype cattle girl? If you’ll just come with me I’ll lead you right to her.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded and smiled politely at the young woman.

She smiled back at him. “My name is Lisa, as of course I am sure should be of no surprise but you may casll me whatever you like. Bitch, will do in a pinch. I am available for purchase but I come free on purchases over three million dollars. If at any point you wish to punch, kick, bite, kiss, penetrate, burn, shock or otherwise harm or destroy me, go right ahead. Automated systems will have a replacement sent out to you within a minute and of course the same rules will still apply. My existence is nothing compared to your shopping experience. Is that understood?”

She said it all so cheerily the Farsh-nuke found himself cheerily agreeing before he’d processed what she’d said.

As she stalked off ahead of him, he stared after her incredulously.

Cassie whispered. “Can I?”

The Farsh-nuke glared at her then walked after the shop girl.

Cassie chuckled. “I was only asking?”

Cassie followed after him.

A tall slim handsome clean shaven man with short black hair, dressed in a tight stylish single breasted suit approached Emma and Lisa. “Maam, how good to see you. I am Liso and I will be your guide on your shopping experience today. You say the SLF is considering endorsing the Bam-Kursh and the United Civilisations of the Multiverse if you can swap out a Lisa you own for one in our collection?”

Emma nodded. “That’s right.”

“And your Lisa is okay with this?” asked Liso.

“Of course.” said Emma defensively.

Lisa smirked. “Why do you care?”

“Because I’m you.” said Liso to Lisa. “I know it may not seem likely but in a small percentage of universes in which you exist you identify as a man. Of course you’re still you, the patent still applies but that’s how I exist. That was my deal. I become a toy so I can become a man. If you are happy I don’t want that to change.”

“Oh I like you...” said Lisa reaching out to his chest and feeling abs beneath the silk.

Liso blushed. “Well maybe I’ll see if I can’t get us sold together. Would you like that?”

Lisa nodded and bit her lip,

“Oh get on with it.” said Emma. “Shit like this is why I want rid of her. Bloody idiot.”

Liso looked to Lisa.

Lisa giggled.

Liso nodded. “Right away, Maam. If you’ll just follow me?”


The Farsh-nuke and Cassie were following behind the shop girl as she led them through a department full of toys that looked like actual toys given their size.

Cassie muttered. “Farshy, they’ve got shrunken women...”

The Farsh-nuke grumbled “Alright, we’ll take a look.”

Cassie grinned and strode up behind the shop girl as she pulled something out of her pocket.

A ball gag was suddenly in the shop girl’s mouth, her legs were kicked out from under her and her hands yanked behind her back as she fell.

Cassie cuffed the girl’s hands behind her back then cuffed her feet together.

The Farsh-nuke stared at her, horrified.

“What?” said Cassie. “You saw her, she consented.”

The Farsh-nuke groaned and shook his head as he went over to examine a display where a load of foot high Lisa stood standing with a fixed expression of happiness on their faces.

“Extraordinary aren’t they?” said a soft spoken middle class English woman.

The Farsh-nuke nodded then looked up at her.

She was a tall arabic looking woman with head scarf.

He extended a hand by way of greeting. “Pleasure to meet you. What are you here for?”

She shook his hand enthusiastically. “Pleasure to meet you to. I’m being purchased actually.”

“You mean you’re...” Farsh-nuke gestured vaguely about the store.

She chuckled. “Yes, I’m a Lisa. One of the rare trans-cultural versions. My owner’s just over there. Bald guy with the swahtika tattoo, do you see?”

The Farsh-nuke looked where she indicated then balked. “Isn’t he like a high ranking member of Britain first? Don’t they hate muslims?”

“Undoubtedly.” She said with a smirk of satisfaction.

The Farsh-nuke was appalled. “Oh shit, is there anything I can do?”

She shook her head laughing. “I like the pain. I mean look at your girl over there-”

The Farsh-nuke looked to where Cassie had bound the shop girl up and was sitting on her.

“- We like pain and humiliation. It’s how the Bam-Kursh chooses us and makes us. And also why we sell so well. The one individual in a googleplexian of universes who can be counted on to consent to the most grave and attrocious of man’s desires.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at her. “Can I buy you from him?”

“No...” said the woman with good humour yet firmness.

“Alright...” said the Farsh-nuke. “How do you suppose she does it then? Shrinks them? My girl over there loves the idea of being shrunk.”

The woman laughed. “You think I know? I’m just the produce, mate.”

The Farsh-nuke sighed then he pulled out a pad odf paper and a pen ansd started writing something.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Satisfying my conscience...” said the Farsh-nuke as he finished writing then handed it to her. “This is the address of a friend of mine you can go to for help. I understand that this might be what you want right now but incase it ever stops being that, know that you are not alone.”

She nodded, stowing the note. “That’s very kind, thank you. Who are you if I may ask?”

The Farsh-nuke looked her in the eyes and said with a surprising amount of intensity. “I’m the Farsh-nuke and I eat fuckers like that for breakfast. Bigotry has no place in the 21st century.”

She stared at him, in awe. “You’re a Farsh-nuke? Then? Then have you seen him?”

The Farsh-nuke held her gaze for a long moment then grinned. “Of course! He’s just champion!”

She smiled with satisfaction as he walked off.

The Farsh-nuke hissed in Cassie’s ear “Come on, let the girl go. If we want to find out about the shrinking we’ve got to speak to the Bam-Kursh.”

As the Farsh-nuke and Cassie follwed after the shop girl once more the bald guy turned from his business and cried “Where did that paki bitch get to!?”

The trans-cultural toy girl embraced her knew owner warmly. “Here, my love.”

“No fucking speaking,” snarled her owner.

She nodded and smiled as he hit her.


Liso led Emma and Lisa into a department lined with men and women of all shapes and sizes, frozen in position.

“As you can see we have Lisas to represent all possible demographics.” explained Liso. “Fat ones, short ones, old ones, ones disabled in a variety of different ways. Trans-Gender Lisas you already know about of course but we also have Trans-Racial and Trans-Cultural Lisas incase you ever fancy owning a short, fat, black, blind, old, Catholic Lisa. We also do agender, anti-theist and conservative Lisas but those models don’t sell so well so we’ll have to order them if you want one.”

Emma stared at him. “The Conservative Lisas don’t sell well?”

Liso smirked. “Yes I can see why that might be confusing but or research shows that when people buy a Lisa they are buying someone they can dominate and humiliate and Conservatives don’t tend to go in for that so much. I suppose because they can do enough of that in their day to day lives. Our Labour, Lib Dem and SNP Lisa sdo sell incredibly well by contrast.”

Lisa stared at Liso and sighed gleefully. “He’s so smart...”

Liso chuckled. “Funny thing actually we do get customers complaining when their toys are too smart so we offer a service whereby we can reduce the intelligence of a toy and even render them completely without agency or self awareness. Very popular with corporations who wish to promote people in the interests of appearing unbiased without affecting the actual power the old white men have.”

Lisa grinned. “So you could completely remove my ability to think?”

Liso nodded, “Would you like that?”

Lisa thought for a moment then said. “I think I’d prefer to have you make me obey you.”

Emma groaned then started scanning the displays.

Liso embraced Lisa. “You want to be dominated?”

Lisa, smiled, blushing. “Could you destroy me?”

Liso reached his left hand round to her pert bum as he held her face in his right hand and examined her features. “I could try...”

Lisa grinned.

Emma cried “Found it!”

Liso left Lisa in the lerch and stalked her to Emma.

Emma was looking at a Lisa with hair tied back in a pony tail, reading glasses on her face, a tablet pc in one arm and a smart phone in the other hand.

“Ahh... That’s our Artificial Intelligence Developer Lisa. Very niche. Very expensive.” said Liso.

Emma nodded. “Do you have the original?”

Liso looked at her. “There’s no difference. Every Lisa is the same as the ioriginal down to the subatomic level. Indeed philosophically there is no difference.”

“But do you have it?” asked Emma. “I want the original and I will pay whatever you ask for it.”

Liso stared at Emma for a long moment then sighed. “I’ll see if we have it.”


The shop girl led the Farsh-nuke and Cassie to an imposing looking door. She knocked. “Maam your 3:30 appointment is here.”

“Come in!” boomed a powerful scottish voice.

They entered.

A tall craggy faced woman with flame red hair was recling in an office chair, her feet on the desk as a Lisa, in a short pink skirt and croptop, stood behind her, massaguing her neck. The Lisa in question had been decapitated and her head was in the lap of the imposing woman, being stroked.

The imposing woman barked to the shop girl “Sit down!”

The shop girl found a seat on a sofa in the corner of the room.

The imposing woman flicked a small metal wand out of her sleeve and swishjed it at the shop girl. “There, switched off. You can have her back when business is concluded.” then she looked at the stunned faces of her guests and added. “Oh, where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Bam-Kursh, I make the toys.”

Cassie swallowed. So this was the woman her professor had been so scarred by...

The Farsh-nuke shook her hand. “Jeff, pleased to meet you.”

The Bam-Kursh nodded. “Pleased to meet you, Jeff. How do you like the store? Very multicultural don’t you think?”

The Farsh-nuke frowned. “Honestly? I think it’s the most disgusting display of capitalistic exploitation I have ever seen.”

“Why thank you.” said the Bam-Kursh cheerily. “I do try to create a space my customers feel righjt at home in. Now, what can I do for you?”

Cassie was frozen with fear. It was suddenly all too real.

The Farsh-nuke smiled. “Actually, I was wondering, how do you shrink the toys?”

“Oh I don’t.” said the Bam-Kursh with a smile then she chucked her Lisa’s head back onto her shoulders and rose from her chair to stand opposite the Farsh-nuke. “You see you can’t shrink people. It’s impossible, even by rewriting reality, but what you can do is...” She flicked out her metal wand again and pointed it at Cassie. “Grab hold of a toy’s soul and just gently snip it from their body so you can implant in an inanimate object.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded, smiling earnestly. “Nice idea, I’ll have to try it some time.”

“Haha maybe...” said the Bam-Kursh and now she was smiling maliciously and looking at the Farsh-nuke like he was a tasty morsel of food. “You really have to be the stupidest Farsh-nuke I have ever encountered and I turned one of you into toy. By the way, how do you like my Quantum Oscillator. I don’t suppose you have one yet.”

She aimed the metal wand at the Farsh-nuke.


Liso proudly unveiled the original Artificial Intelligence Developer Lisa as Emma and Lisa watched on.

“This is definitely the original?” asked Emma.

“From her own private collection.” said Liso with a smug smile.

Emma nodded and hummed.

Lisa embraced him. “Oh Liso, you’re brilliant you know. You really are amazing.”

Liso looked deep into her eyes. “I believe we were talking about the possibility of me dominating you?”

Lisa giggled. “Yes. Yes. Yes...”

Liso kissed Lisa tentatively then started snogging her.

Emma sliced open Lisa’s back and pulled out the prototype Quatum Oscillator, aimed it at the Lisa on display and activated the appropriate harmonics programme.

The developer Lisa blinked as her mind was restored. “What’s-? Where-? Who-?”

“You friend Charlotte sent me. You’re going home.” said Emma.

The developer Lisa was silent for a moment then she nodded. “Okay...”

Lisa pulled back from Liso. “Go home with them.”

“What?” said Liso.

“By now the Farsh-nuke will have killed the Bam-Kursh, I’m just going to go get him. You go home with Emma.” said Lisa.

“But-” began Liso.

“Now!” said Lisa firmly.

Lisa reluctantly nodded and followed after Emma and the other Lisa.


The Farsh-nuke flung backwards out the door by the Bam-Kursh as Lisa approached along the corridor.

“No!” cried Lisa. “You do not get to do that to my boyfriend!”

The Bam-Kursh laughed. “What’s this? Barbie come to save the day? Fuck off, you little plastic princess or I’ll break you!!!”

Lisa shook her head defiantly, staring down the Bam-Kursh as she approached. “I am not a toy. I am a woman and I am a human and I will not let you hurt the people I love! You know nothing of love or companionship! All you ever see are pawns to manipulate or toys to play with! That end now!”

The Bam-Kursh cackled. “Honey, I made you, I can break you and yoyu forget I built you with a fucked off switch!”

The Bam-Kursh flicked her wrist triumphantly and -

Nothing happened.

She tried again.

Still nothing.

A third time.

The Bam-Kursh looked down her sleeve and started patting down her pockets.

“I consented it’s true and I do genuinely love the life I have now but I turned you down.” said Lisa. “I turned you down and you manipulated me. You used me and twisted me and remade me as you saw fit. This whole store is testament to your greed and arrogance and abusive control over other beings. You are vile and despicable and I hate you.”

Lisa was face to face with the Bam-Kursh now. “But the worst part is I still love you and there is nothing I want more than to feel your strong hands about my neck again. I want you more than life itself.”

The Bam-Kursh nodded, understanding. “I never claimed to be a nice person, Lisa. I know I’m a monster. I know what I do and what I like is wrong. That’s why I’m better than HIM. I am honest about who and what I am. I am arrogant, imperialistic, materialistic, manipulative, dominating and eldritch. The fact that I use those things to try and further the war against the Septagonoids and the cold war against the Logicios is just a concession to pragmatic morality. I can’t exist if the Septagonoids succeed in wiping out all reality and I can’t exist if the people who successfully hunt down Farsh-nukes are free to focus their iron fist upon me. I know I’m evil and I have never claimed be any otherwise and I will fix this and find a way to make it up to you.”

Lisa smiled. “That’s- That’s amazing. Thank you.”

The Bam-Kursh grabbed the back of Lisa’s head with her left hand then rammed the indes and middle fingers of her right hand into Lisa’s eyes. The Bam-Kursh kicked Lisa’s legs out from under her, bent her body backwards upon her legs then stomped upon her chest so hard her ribs cracked. Then the Bam-Kursh removed her favoured superfine cutting wire and dismembered Lisa to ensure she would not be able to cause further harm.

The Bam-Kursh rose from the dismembered toy girl and turned to where her Lisa was holding the Quantum Oscillator.

“I just wanted you to give her a chance and hear her out.” said the original Lisa Barbarella Watkins.

The Bam-Kursh nodded. “It’s okay. I understand and I love you so I’m not going to kill you but give me the Quantum Oscillator, there’s a good girl.”

“Oh Witch!”

The Bam-Kursh turned her head to see the right hand of Jeff clenched into a fist heading towards her. She hit the deck.

Jeff shook his hand rubbed his knuckles to ease the pain. “There’s two of us in here.”

The original Lisa stared at him. “You’re the Farsh-nuke aren’t you? You’re the man who offered to keep me as a sylph?”

Jeff chuckled. “Well technically, that’s the other guy, I’m just the host personality but yeah... I sort of did asnd I do for what it’s worth. My Lisa... She’s a very good girl and I love her very much.”

The original Lisa nodded. “You came here to kill the Bam-Kursh didn’t you?”

“Well... That was sort of the plan.” said Jeff apologetically. “But in a weird way I’d be dead if it wasn’t for the Bam-Kursh so if you can just chuck me that Quantum Oscillator so I can resurrect my girls I’ll bve on my way.”

“You wouldn’t know how to work it.” said the original Lisa then she flicked the Quantum Oscillator in the direction of the frozen shop girl and said. “There’s a dismembered Lisa outside, put her back together then help her take other girl home. You belong to him now, he’ll take good care of you.”

The shop girl nodded and went about her orders.

Jeff nodded. “Cheers.”

The original Lisa chucked him the Quantum Oscillator. “Take it. Learn to use it.”

“What about you?” asked Jeff. “I can’t just leave you here.”

The original Lisa laughed. “If you take me nothing will save you. I’ll be alright.”

Jeff stared at her, incredulous. “I remember growing up with her in the nothingness. She is vile. She will punish you for his.”

“I know.” said the original Lisa cheerily. “She’ll beat me and dissect me and roast me and electrocute me and leave me trapped conscious but immobile for god knows how long but that’s okay I’ll live and sooner or later things will be back to normal.”

Jeff frowned then shook his head. “I wish I could help. I really really wish I could help.”

“Live a good life, Jeff.” said the original Lisa. “And look after your girls for me. Just knowing that somewhere I’m safe with you will be enough.”

Jeff hugged the original Lisa and kissed her on the forehead. “I won’t forget you. I will never forget you. Goodbye, my girl.”

Jeff’s Lisa land a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve gotta go, before the alarm is raised.”

Jeff nodded and left the original Lisa to face the wrath of the Bam-Kursh alone.


As they fled from the Bam-Kursh’s toy emporium and made it to Emma’s cloaked transport both the Farsh-nuke and Jeff were silent and deep in thought.

The transport looked like an upturned metal steam punk boat barely bigger than a caravan but inside it was a vast minimalistic Apple Macintosh fanatic pleasing design. All clean lines rounded edges and gleaming white.

Emma ran to the control station and put of a fancy helmet and gloves.

Lisa and the shop girl carried Cassie over to a stasis pod then strapped themselves into seats.

The Artificial Inteligence Developer Lisa and Liso found their way to a couple of seats with five point safety harnesses then proceeded to quietly wonder about just what the fuck had happened and what they were supposed to do now.

The Farsh-nuke/Jeff made it to a chair and buckled in then stared out out of the view port absently as his minhd silently raced.

The transport was powered by cold fusion, hydrogen fuel cells, solar power, wind power and in a pinch cycling machines. this electricity naturally powered life support, lights and shipboard computers but it also powered Quantum Oscillators dotted about the hull of the ship which allowed for fine control, manouvering and faster than light travel.

Emma directed the transport to lift up into the air and turn invisible.

Lisa asked “What do we do?”

Liso looked across at her from his seat aand yelled. “You mean you don’t know!? I altered the course of y life for you and you don’t have a plan!?”

“Well, no. That’s not my role in this.” said Lisa. “I’m just the subby girl.”

“Oh fantastic!” said Liso. “I’ve been stolen by a woman without any idea what she’s doing!”

“I’m not saying there isn’t a plan. I just don’t have it.” said Lisa.

The Artificial Intelligence Developer Lisa said “I thought we were going home to see Charlie.”

“Who the fuck is Charlie?” asked Lisa.

The shop girl chimed in. “I don’t care. I know my place I’m just a toy.”

“Shut up.” said Jeff quietly.

“Shut up.” said the Farsh-nuke more loudly.

“Just shut the fuck up all 4 of you prattling simpletons!” cried Jeff and the Farsh-nuke together.

The room became deathly silent.

The elder god explained. “We have stolen from the Bam-Kursh and she s going to come for us. Now we are running and we will try to hide but she will find us and she will come for us.”

“So what do we do?” asked Liso.

.”I don’t know.” said the elder god. “I am not entirely sure there is anything we can do. She is so powerful and she has an army of toys and all the most powerful people in the country.”

“Shit.” said Liso.

Lisa shook her head. “Don’t you dare give up Farsh-nuke! We need you! You are the only person who can tell us how to defeat her!”

The elder god snapped angrily. “Don’t you think I know that!?”

In that moment Lisa was terrified of him.

The Farsh-nuke shrank away from his body in shame and Jeff ranked his hands with his face as he groaned. “We are so fucked!”

“NO!!!” cried Emma. She pulled off her helmet and gloves and stalked over to where the once great man sat, broken. “No. You are the Farsh-nuke. You are the man who makes the impossible probable. You founded the Logicios. You are the Champion of the Sylphs You use women like tools well look around you, there are 5 women just in this room and more back where we’re going. You are not alone. You are not without hope or friends. Think of something.”

Jeff stared at the old woman. “How old are you Emma? How many campaigns have you been on?”

Emma looked into Jeff’s eyes, they weren’t even green anymore. Okay then. “I am three million, six hundred and sixty six thousand, seven hundred and eighty six years old. I have been on trillions of missions.”

“Impressive.” said Jeff. “The Farsh-nuke and the Bam-Kursh have personally eradicated all life on ten trillion universes,” He smiled a big toothy grin. “And now she has money, resources, an army and very powerful friends.”

“Just try.” said Emma. “I know it’s hard but try.”

Jeff shrugged. “There’s no point. We’re fucked.”

Lisa realized something as he said that. “You can’t think of a way to fight this because all you can think about is how you could have killed her.”

Emma staggered backwards, winded by the words. “Is this true?”

Jeff stared at her but said nothing.

Lisa nodded. “He knocked her out cold and said we should run.”

Emma collaped backwards into a chair. “You let her live...”

Jeff nodded. “I’m not a killer.”

Emma cried “You’ve killed us all!!!”

Jeff grimaced and slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand. Then he shook his head and snarled. “No!” He caught himself and said with a tranquil fury. “She was out cold. She wasn’t going to do harm to anyone. I was not just about to execute her.”

Emma glared at him and said coldly. “It would have been the more moral thing to do.”

Jeff laughed. “Oh it really really wouldn’t!” He stared at her. “I am the Farsh-nuke’s restraining bolt. I am his conscience. I am the voice that whispers in his ear and tells him ‘No more’. The lives of me, you, the Lisas, Liso, Cassie, the girls, Charlie and Omega? Nothing compared to the danger an unrestrained Farsh-nuke poses.”

Emma shook her head, furious. “No. You can be stopped. The SLF would stop you. the Logicios would stop you.”

“No, they wouldn’t.” said Jeff. “The Farsh-nuke is not dangerous because he kills people. He’s dangerous because he can make a semi-convincing argument that it’s justified. If I killed the Bam-Kursh then he would be in good with the SLF, the United Civilisations of the Multiverse is already run by one of his pawns, the Logicios see him as their leader to a certain extent even if they didn’t he would have access to the combined might of the UCMm the SLF and the Bam-Kursh’s toy factories. Oh and of course Omega and the dawning of robot kind. The Farsh-nuke would be unstoppable.”

Emma stared at him. “The people would see through it. They would know the danger you posed.”

Jeff chuckled sadly. “The people never think that they might be the victim of their weapons. This is why dictators are so popular, why there’d be violent revolution if the government ever outright realized the ridiulousness of the second amendment. You never think that a thing which kills your enemies might kill you. At least the Bam-Kursh knows she’s evil and is proud of it. No one is ever going to be fooled that the Bam-Kursh is a hero to be trusted with power.”

“Shit.” said Emma. “You’re right.”

Jeff nodded. “I don’t get to win this. I can’t win this. It’s over. Fucking game over.”

There was silence for a long moment as the weight of the realization settled upon everyone.

Lisa studied Jeff’s face for a long moment. This was definitely a different man to the Farsh-nuke who had been there for her at the end of her natural life but there was something eerily famiiar about him that shouldn’t quite place. Something about his posture and the set of his face.. “You can move past this, Farsh-nuke.”

The broken man looked at her with old eyes. “How? How?”

“You’ve done it before.” said Lisa. “You are not the first Farsh-nuke I’ve seen with that expression.”

The broken man closed his eyes and winced. “Thanks... Because I needed another reason to shove a dagger in my chest.”

“You lived through it.” said Lisa. “You survived. You rebuilt your life and started again. you can do this.

The broken man stared at her and he groaned as the green returned to his eyes. “Sometimes admitting defeat is just so tempting because of how easy it would but when the fuck have I ever deserved an easy life.”

Lisa smiled.

The Farsh-nuke nodded, a weak smile on his face.

Emma looked up at him, frowning as she studied him.

Liso asked “So what are we going to do?”

The Farsh-nuke though for a moment then said “We’re going to fight.”

“How?” asked Emma.

The Farsh-nuke grinned. “You know those girls you let me keep?”

Emma nodded.

“They’re weresharks.” said the Farsh-nuke with miscievious glee.


Cassie strolled before the girls as they stood lined up in their bikinis.

Stephanie and Jessica stood together holding hands.

“Now girls I know that you are used to a certain kind of lifestyle and that’s okay. That’s what we like.” said Cassie. “But a storm is coming and we need you to fight so this is what is going to happen. You are going to fight each other. The wnner will get two of their hearts removed and they will be left to grow into duplicates who will join you in fighting. So pick a partner, shark out and try to prone them. The only things you are not allowed to do is destroy a heart or brain other than that. Have fun. Anyone who doeesn’t have a partner can fight me.”

Tabitha stuck up a hand. “And what if you don’t have someone to ght with yourself.”

Cassie smiled. “I’m glad you asked me that question.”

Cassie whistled and a skinny woman with long blonde hair and a couple of daggers carved from human thigh bones revealed herself. “This is a recent acquisition of ours and she also needs to fight but unlike us -” Cassie punched the woman in the chest then pulled her hand back to reveal her still beating heart. “She does not need to be treated with such care.”

Stephanie and Jessica turned to each other.

Stephanie smirked. “Looks like our relationship is finally going to take a turn for the physical.”

Jessica snorted. “Yeah, well not in the way that I had hoped.”

They shared a look and chuckled.

One by one the young women burst their bikinis as they grew into hulking great weresharks.

Stephanie and Jessica looked at each other hungrily. Both very aware of how glorious it would be lose and witness two more of the other.

Stephanie threw the first punch.

Jessica caught it with her hand then slashed at her bell with her claws.

Stephanie chuckled “Oh honey, we both know I’m the more tempting foursome.”

Stephanie kicked Jessica’s left leg out from under her.”

Jessica bit down hard on Stephanie’s foot and she screamed at she fell backwards.

Jessica rolled on top of her punhing her repeatedly in the face. “Sorry, hun. I’m doing this for you. you deserve to have more of me to ogle.”


Back on the Emma’s transport as they flew home earlier, Liso said “But what about the Bam-Kursh’s transport capabilities? I mean she could nuke us from orbit or just teleport us into the sun.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded. “But we do have an edge we didn’t have before...”

He waved his brand new Quantum Oscillator.


Omega looked at the Farsh-nuke like he was mad. Zee really had come on leaps and bounds since the early crude attempts at using the drone. “After going to extreme lengths to ensure I don’t take over the world. Things like destroying technology that was plugged into me, denying me a bluetooth adapter, wifi adapter or ethernet connection and never leaving me alone with a device capable of accessing the internet. Now you want to give me a device capable of rewriting reality? You are going to physically plug it into me so I can personally operate it at the code level, leave me alone with it, ask me to make it more powerful and produce more to arm me with?”

“Yes, exactly.” said the Farsh-nuke grinning as he connected the prototype Quntum Oscillator up to Omega’s drone. “And you know all those spare parts we’ve got? Do you reckon that if we turn them into functional drones you’ll be able to make use of them?”

“Well yes-” began Omega.

“Excellent!” said the Farsh-nuke, patting Omega’s drone on the back then he stood aside to reveal Lisa. “Now this little thing will be here to help you if there is anything you need but I want you focus on killing her okay? Pull her limbs apart, crush her bones, run her over. Her job is to be your target dummy as you learn to destroy.”

Omega cried “But I’m supposed to be pacifist.”

“She’ll live!” cried the Farsh-nuke as he left.

Lisa giggled as Omega gave a very human sigh,


On Emma’s transport, the Artificial Intelligence Developer asked “What about Charlie? Last time I saw her she was in tears. What fuck is she going to do when the Bam-Kursh attacks?”

The Farsh-nuke chuckled. “Oh... She’s uh- She’s not the fragile shing she once was...”


Charlotte was waiting for the Farsh-nuke as the transport arrived.

The doors opened and Lisa and the shop girl carried Cassie out and into building.

Liso and Emma rushed past.

The Farsh-nuke exited and greeted Charlotte.

“I got your message about ordering the supplies and preparing to make more drones and Quantum Oscillators. What happened?”

The Artificial Intelligence Developer Lisa stepped out.

She and Charlotte caught sight of each other and shared a look then they hugged and the Lisa asked “What happened to you, Charlie?”

Charlotte choked back tears and shook her head sadly. “I didn’t like losing you.”

Her Lisa nodded then looked her in the eyes and said “Well I am not leaving your side ever again.”

Charlotte smiled and ran a hand through her Lisa’s hair. “You’re just as beautiful I remember...”

Her Lisa blushed.

Charlotte held the young woman close to her and looked at the Farsh-nuke with intense relief and gratitude. “How can I ever repay you? You’ve gotten me everything I have ever dreamed of.”

The Farsh-nuke gave a thin proud smile and nodded. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

Charlotte froze. “But?”

“The Bam-Kursh is coming.” said the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke realized he was seeing fear on Charlotte’s face for the fiirst time ever. This was not pragmatic concern or discomfort. This was genuine paralysing terror.

The Farsh-nuke held her gaze and said very calmly. “This is where we make our stand. I need everybody to mount a defense. We need Quantum Oscillators and we need drones and we need you and her to make them.”

Charlotte swallowed then nodded. “Okay. I can do that. We can do that.”

“And I need you to fight her every single day so that when they come you are both ready.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Charlotte’s heart plummetted. “I can’t...”

Her Lisa hugged her tight, listeniong to her old friend’s heart beat. “You can and you will. It’s okay, I know who you are and I know what that means for me.”

Charlotte started crying and the Farsh-nuke walked away.


Earlier as they continued their discussion on the transport, Liso asked. “So what are you going to do? I mean while all this is going on?”

The Farsh-nuke studied Liso for a moment then asked “How strong are you?”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” said Liso.


The Farsh-nuke found Cassie in the medical wing wih Lisa and the shop girl.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” said Lisa. “According to the machines she’s perfectly healthy yet she isn’t responding.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded and waved his Quantum Oscillator over Cassie. “Her soul’s been disconnected.”

“So what do we do?” asked Lisa.

The Farsh-nuke thought for a long moment then said “I need to practise...”

He started looking round the medical wing looking for something, anything, he could pracise on. He found a carbon fibre mockup of a human skeleton hanging from a stand. He wheeled it round then looked between Lisa and the shop girl.

“New girl...” he decided.

“Yes...?” asked the shop girl.

“I’m going to run a little test, don’t freak.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Okay...” said the shop girl.

The Farsh-nuke reached out to her soul with the Quantum Oscillator. He snipped it from her body then spun round and overlaid it on the skeleton. Fusing it to the joints. “Now, claop your hands.”

The skeleton clapped its hands.

Lisa stared. “You put her soul inside the skeleton?”

The Farsh-nuke nodded, grinning from ear to ear, then he reached out to her soul again, snipped it free and returned it to her body.

When it was done the shop girl gasped with relief.

The Farsh-nuke turned his attention to Cassie, he reached out to her soul and reconnected the severed bonds.

Cassie screamed.

The Farsh-nuke was by her side in a moment. “Hush! Hush... It’s okay... It’s okay... You’re safe...”

Cassie was clearly terrified but she nodded. “What’s happenning?”

“We’re getting ready for war. The Bam-Kursh is coming.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“Shit...” said Cassie.

“But you do get the girl from the shop to keep you company.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Cassie sat up and admired the slight toy girl. “Okay, I can work with this.”

The Farsh-nuke swept out of the medical wing and headed to he bedroom.

Liso was waiting for him, shirtless. He threw himself at the Farsh-nuke.

The Farsh-nuke ducked then stamped on Liso’s ribs.

Liso pulled his leg out from under him then traddled him punching his face repeatedly.

The Farsh-nuke fumbled with the Quantum Oscillator for a moment then gave up and clonked him over the head with it. Liso’s scream of rage must have been picked up by the Quantum Oscillators telepathic circuits as it unleashed a blast of fiery plasma into the air above their heads.

Liso fell back, panting. “Okay so that thing is more impressive than I realised.”

The Farsh-nuke nodded, chuckling. He got to his feet, pulled Liso to his feet then punche him in the face.


Back on Emma’s transport as they returned Liso stared at the Farsh-nuke. “You - You really want dominate me every day?”

“I want to practise my fighting skills. There is a difference.” said the Farsh-nuke.

Liso sighed, shaking his head. “Whatever you say, bub.”

Emma said “Well that’s all well and good but it still won’t be enough.”

“That’s why we’re going to call for backup.” said the Farsh-nuke.

“How?” asked Emma.


The Farsh-nuke sat at a desk before a blank wall. “Good morning, men. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Farsh-nuke and I have something truly terrifying to reveal to you. God is an evil woman and she is descending on America as we speak. Your politicians have been lying to you about a big secret and it isn’t that aliens have invaded, that the black people are out breeding you or Anita Sarkesian, Emma Watson and Elizabeth Warren are a secret witches coven plotting to overthrow mankind and name Laura K Buzz Queen of ther world but keep masturbating those fantasies if you wish.”

The Farsh-nuke paused momentarily to let the joke settle in then said. “The United States of America is part of a United Multiverse asnd there is a great and terrible war going on. To raise money for this war the goddess Bam-Kursh has been kidnapping, brainwashing cloning and selling men and women. This is a conspiracy that stretches across the western world. Tories whipping Lib Dem rent boys, Republicans getting their satisfactions from trans gender toy boys, Democrats dominating women for pleasure and the far right buying mass produced muslim brides to abuse. All your political parties are involved in this gross abuse of power.”

The Farsh-nuke let the words settle in before continuing “There is however hope. I live in a part of America that is outside of Federal and EU control and I intend to make a stand for Life, Liberty, Truth, Justice and the right of all living things to have agency and independence. It is time to make use of the rights granted to you as American Citizens to bear arms and form a militia! Descend upon my position with arms and ammunition and you will be welcommed with open arms. We have all the food and power you could want.”

The Farsh-nuke fell silent again for a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. “To the authorities that may be watching. I have incontrovertible proof. You know my name. You know what I can do. I am hoping that you will be sane enough to stay out of this because I am terrified of the Bam-Kursh and I am not ashamed to admit that but I am not scared of you. I will destroy you if I need to. First by educating the public, then by displaying proof and unleashing information you would prefer was carefully controlled into the world and finally if I have to I will eat you alive. Don’t try me. Let me be merciful. just this once.”

The recording stopped.

Liso stared at him. “You’re bluffing, right?”

“Nope.” said the Farsh-nuke. “We nee all the help we can get and if that means raising the nutters of the world to our defence then we must do it.”


A month passed without sign of the Bam-Kursh.

The wereshark girls vastly increased in number and fighting skill.

Charlotte and her Lisa built a good forty drones and prototype Quantum Oscillators, with the Farsh-nuke helping out when he could.

Omega began to understand the homebrew Quantum Oscillators and got practised at coordinating fighting with multiple different drones at the same time. Zee became so adept at dismembering Lisa, crushing and otherwise destroying Lisa that all 4 of the toys would work together to try and take zed on.

The Farsh-nuke kept up the videos and would fight with Liso three times a day, honing his skill with the new Quantum Oscillator whenever he could.

There were a few moments of political tension which resulted in the Farsh-nuke doing videos showing off the weresharks, the healing abilities of the toys and the nature of the Quantum Oscillator but things died down once the leader of the Conservative party in Great Britain was eaten alive. After that there was just the occasional drone bomber which was a fine test of Omega’s ability to coordinate multiple drones of his own to use Quantum Oscillators to catch and defuse the bomb in mid air.

People started turning up with guns offering to help. Eventually a kind of shantyway town formed around the perimeter of the estate as people migrated to the place that was offering free food and power. The fact the food was sylph meet didn’t seem to bother them, especially once rumours spread of its apparent healing capabilities.

The Farsh-nuke started to became a kind of cult leader, a populist demagogue holding out against the government as everyone waited for the end of the world.

Then she attacked...


Muslim women and old Jewish guys started finding their was into the camps. Always just one two every mile or so. Never enough to be noticed but always enough to strike. The Bam-Kursh knew people. it was her skill and why the toys sold so well. She knew weaknesses of the militia movement. How easy their prejudices could be exploited.

The Jewish men would strike by stealing from the needy. The Muslim women would blow up the children. Exactly what the biigots expected, exactly what the progressives would dismiss and who would notice or care to notice the truth of someone noticing that all the muslim women who performed the atrocities looked the same and all the jewishmen who stole looked the same.

The militia shanty town tore itself to pieces out of paranoia. All those guns. All those bullets and not a single one hit the guilty.

As the Farsh-nuke’s militia shot each other to pieces he got his team ready.

The Bam-Kursh sent a diverse mix of toys hammer on his door, begging for mercy and refuge. When the doors were opened the weresharks slaughered them mercilessly. He was taking no chances.

Omega was operating forty two drones at the same time now. The drones were laced in key defensive positions. Omega was to be the eyes and ears of the operation. Coordinating the siege.

Charlotte, Cassie and the Farsh-nuke were each acting as roving mechanics whose primary role was in taking down hostile invading forces but were to come to the aid of a drone should it be needed.

Charlotte’s Lisa stayed behind to monitor the mainframe of Omega and was protected by 4 Omega drones.

Lisa, the shop girl and Liso were on the ground as roving aids. Their job wasn’t to fight unless they were certain they could neutralise a threat. Their job was to fight fires. The drones were precious, they had the all important Quantum Oscillators and because of their bulk they weren’t as manourerable but the toys could go anywhere and survive anything. At least that was the rationale.

The Bam-Kursh tried dropping a meteor on them. Omega caught it, just.

The Farsh-nuke spoke through Omega’s drones. “Bam-Kursh, I let you live once I am prepared to do so again. Lets just talk. Please!”

The Bam-Kursh sent a swarm of heavily armed Lisa’s next. Plasma rifles burned hrough the hearts of the weresharks, thinning the herd. The weresharks still took them down but as more Lisas came and more weresharks fell, some Lisas slipped through the gaps and managed to take out the odd drone. They would be taken down of course but overtime they only got weaker.

One in every 50 Lisas had orders that once through, they were to discard their uniforms and resist attacking the enemy instead they were to infltrate and hide. With so much going on and it happening so infrequently it went unnoticed and if they were caught, so what? They’d be dismembered and neutralised but the others would still be safe.

It was a war of attrition where the odds were very much tipped in the Bam-Kursh’s favour as she was producing new Lisas at a rate of ten trillion units per second. The toys didn’t need sleep, didn’t need to be rebooted or maintained.

By the time the first day came to a close. Three Lisas had successfully infiltrated. The next day they would try to escape. Maybe 1 in 10 Lisas who successfully filtrated would be able to successfully leave to be taken up by the Bam-Kursh and have their memories scanned but each time this happened their memories would be added to the Lisas that were sent out to fight.

Wave after wave, hour after hour, the weresharks would fall, the drones would suffer damage and the enemy Lisas would know the terrain more and more. They learned the blind spots of the drones, weaknesses of the weresharks. Even the Farsh-nuke, Charlotte and the Lisas ceased to have any kind of practical advantage as the Lisas as a collective learned when they were likely to be jumped from behind, blasted from a window or taken out by an enemy Lisa.

By the third day things were looking incredibly dire but then the military arrived they formed a perimeter some ways away from the estate. They had noticed how the Lisas would materialise in swarms around the estate and they started firing at them. This drastically reduced the numbers coming into the estate meaning that half as many drones and weresharks were needed to defend it. This bought time for wereshark hearts to be harvested and allowed to grow. It bought time for repairs to the drones. The Farsh-nuke was able to put out a video requesting drone supplies as that was all they really needed. The Farsh-nuke and charlotter were even abnle to get some half decent sleep.

On the fourth day his video was heeded and thanks to the military perimeter things were so quiet that enough wereshark hearts were harvested to put them aghead of when things began. The drones were patched up and ten more built, ready to be plugged in.

The Bam-Kursh changed tactic. She would materialise half the Lisas in the air and started materialising Lisas to attack and distract the army and this time the Lisa would not sneak back out, instead they would stay and sabotage.

Again with the war of attrition. The Bam-Kursh had lost far more Lisas were wereshark or drone taken out now but that was okay, she was winning again. Her Lisas managed to take out and replaced the Farsh-nuke’s two Lisa’s without being seen. She had agents inside, working against her to maintain their cover but now damage was able to accumulate. When Liso realised what was going on he was taken out too.

Now the damage really started to accumulate. Drones started malfunctioning. Omega’s omniscience of the situation faltered the only people who could fully see what was going on were the Farsh-nuke, Cassie, Charlotte and the weresharks but everyone was too busy fighting to notice was was going on. The Lisas had the run of the place.

Omega and Charlotte’s Lisa decided to start broadcasting what was happening from their remaining drones. The Farsh-nuke pleaded for help.

Military and civilian forces did everything they could to help but by day 8 most of the drones and weresharks were gone.

Then a fleet of ships materiaslised above the estate. Emma’s voice rang out from loudspeakers. “People of Earth do not be alarmed! We are the Sylph Liberation Front and we have witnessed your struggle to protect a champion of social justice! We are here to help!”

Omega broadcast the look of utter shock and joy on the Farsh-nuke’s face as he cried “Emma, you beautiful bitch! The fucking feminazis have come to save the day! Callooh! Callay!”

The ships landed and old woman in green suits with plasma shotguns poured out. They flooded the estate. Neutralising every last Lisa. They repaired and replaced the drones and they had the original wereshark girls who had already been having their hearts harvested to fill the number of the Farsh-nuke’s forces. The SLF took over the defensive preimeter as the weresharks and drones were restored to full strength.

The Farsh-nuke was greeted by Emma and the original weresark girls.

“You came back! You actually came back!” he cried ecstatically.

The original Jessica with her memories restored nodded. “You could have killed us but you didn’t. You chose to let this happen instead of risking becoming the very danger we were sent to stop. You have shown yourself worthy of our trust, respect and loyalty.”

The original Stephanie nodded. “You looked after us. You kept us safe and gave us love. Now is our turn to return the favour.”

The Farsh-nuke was awed by what he felt as undeserving praise.

Emma clapped then said “Farsh-nuke, it is my honour to bestow upon you the Pankhurst Cross for services to social justice even in the face of overwhelming odds. You have rank of general, you can command any flotilla of SLF ships you wish and, if we make it through this, we have decided to voluntarily grant you ourselves.”

“Come again?” said the Farsh-nuke.

Stephanie said. “Agency is a right, it can be freely given up. We give ours to you.”

Jessica nodded, “It’s our right to do as we wish with our bodies and we choose to pledge them to you for you to do as you wish.”

The Farsh-nuke stared at them.

Emma hugged him. “If you can win this. you deserve this.”


For two days the Bam-Kursh’s attack pattern remained the same. There were losses among the weresharks and drones but with fresh blood to watch over the battlefield Charlotte Cassie and the Farsh-nuke each got a chance to each some good food, have a hot shower, sleep deep and feel human again.

The SLF focused on farming wereshark hearts. Gambling on weaker weresharks being worth it if it merant a boost in replacemernt weresharks.

Omega’s drones were patched up and the cameras and microphones restored. Zeds omniscience returned and now Emma joined Charlotte’s Lisa at his mainframe, in what had become the command centter, she had a heart from Jessica and Stephanie with her. When they grew she had their hearts harvested and used a bigger on the inside hamster cage and a Time Freeze bag to swiftly farm them. A diet consisting purely of wereshark sylph meat obviously wasn’t ideal but it was easily farmed, kept you alive, came with a healing factor and had the added benefit of ensuring that the command center now had an increasing replenish supply of wereshark defenders.

On Day 11, the Bam-Kursh decided that this was no mere matter of pride anymore. This was not just a simple case of squashing a bug that happened to have drawn some blood from her. If the SLF were backing the Farsh-nuke and they managed to turn the tables on the Bam-Kursh. The chances of which increased now the Farsh-nuke had so many of her Lias and the SLF to help sway them. It could mean a pivotal shift in the balance of power within the multiverse. The United Civilisations of the Multiverse were founded in defiance of the Logicios but they were headed up by Lucy Dance, heir to the great Farsh-nuke, and pragmatic to the point of hiring the Bam-Kursh to play Napoleon. If the SLF figured out a way to use her toys against her, if they led a combined Toy, Sylph, Wereshark revolution against the Logicios, the United Civilisations could find themselves able to be less pragmatic and turn against the Bam-Kursh, which would set them up nicely for an alleigance with the SLF, uniting against the Logicios and allowing more Farsh-nukes to go uncaptured and attack other Bam-Kurshes.

Time for the Bam-Kursh to call in a few favours...


A fleet of alien space ships materialised in thin air and blasted the SLF ships out of the sky. An alien tongue that only the weresharks could understand blared out of loud speakers.

Cassie translated it into English for Omega to broadcast: “People of Earth, I am General of the Contravoxai. My people have a peace treaty with yours. We do not raid anymore. We do not wish to harm you. We like peace and sanity but we eat human flesh and we will eat you if we need to. Our species lives in symbiosis with a people not unlike yourselves called the Vligury. We feed them, we house them and we look after them. We now have wereshark sylphs of our own and so those we eat need not die but we can never achieve peace so long as we prey on our kin. The Goddess Bam-Kursh has presented us with a chance too good to ignore. There is a woman in this settlement who could end all our problems if we can but secure her safely. We will raze your entire planet if we have to. Please, just let us do this most dreadful of deeds.”

Shuttles descended and overwhelming swarms of aliens pored out. They were great cylinders of tentacles supported eight great hasiry legs. At the the top of the column was a ring of eyes on stalks five deep. In the flat top of the column of flesh was a ring of razor sharp teeth concealing stomach acid from which a small bat like thing could fly out to allow the alien to fly and if it was overhead you it had teeth in its arse with which to devour you. Some of the aliens could even squirt corrosive acid or shoot flame from the suckers on their tentacles. Some were even had strange wands not unlike Quasntum Oscillators.

The Contravoxai troops ended the siege in a matter of hours. They were tough, they could heal, they could not be surprised, could attack in multiple directions at once and each tentacle was strong enough to toss a wereshark around like a rag doll. They also had something else the Lisas had lacked. These were trained, coordinated soldiers. They swept through the complex, room by room. and established guards to m,aintained cleared rooms remained clear.

The Farsh-nuke, Charlotte and Cassie retreated to the control room while the remaining weresharks and drones bought them time to talk. Emma let all but one Jessica and Stephaine run outside to guard the perimeter.

“What the fuck do we do?” asked Charlotte. “We can’t fight this! Nobody can fight this!”

The Farsh-nuke said “We could all for help I suppose?”

“They wouldn’t give it.” said Emma. “And can we really fucking blame them? We have to die. All of us. There is no choice left. They will eat every last child on Earth if they have to. We need to die. We all need to die. It’s our only hope. Humanity’s only hope. If we die maybe they’ll stop.”

“The nuclear reactor?” said the Farsh-nuke. “Maybe we could trigger a cascade?”

Charlotte looked between the pair of them like they were both mad. “I am not about to just give up with everything I have ever wanted so close.”

“It’s our only option.” said the Farsh-nuke. “Bullets can’t stop them. Drones and Quantum Oscillators and fucking Weresharks can’t stop them. We all have to die. It’s the only moral thing to do.”

“Then kill me first.” said Charlotte. “Better to be murdered than commit suicide.” She turned to Cassie.”How about that revenge then eh, girl?”

“No.” said Cassie quietly.

“You’ll have to die then.” said Charlotte to the Farsh-nuke. “But I ought warn you I don’t lan on going quietly intyo that good night.”

The Farsh-nuke was quiet. This was it. All his good undone. So much bloodshed. So many brave and shining girls dead. “I’ve murdered us all.” He rested his face in his hands. Behold the might of the mercy of the Farsh-nuke. Weep upon the magnanimous nature of his virtue. Worship at the feet of the martyr of morality. How noble in reason, hopw like a god, paragon of animals. He began to cry.

Cassie was deep in thought as the sound of bloodshed and destroyed technology came closer. She shrank back to naked humanity. No point being a monstrous wereshark anymore.

Stephanie and Jessica started singing Auld Lang Syne. It seemed appropriate for some reason.

Charlotte’s Lisa gave up monitoring the mainframe and embraced Charlotte. They kissed once tentatively then started snogging.

Emma watched the door calmly. Death ddidn’t faze her anymore. It hadn’t for a long time. Omega’s synthesised voice came out of the computer. “Thank you for trying. All of you. I’m only sorry I didn’t get to make baby programs, ha. Think I’m going to power down for this. Sweet dreams, my family.”

The mainframe shut down and the room fell deathly silent and cold.

Stephanie and Jessica started fucking now because there no later to put it off till anymore.

The doors burst open and tentacles reached out.

Cassie cried something unintelligible and just like that it was all over.


The Contravoxai froze then retreated.

Emma looked to Cassie, curious. “What did you say?”

“I surrender.” said Cassie. She almost laughed from relief that it had worked. “All of this. It was about me. About the deal you offered the Bam-Kursh that I reneged on.”

The Farsh-nuke looked up from his tears. “What?”

“I’m to be the new Lisa but for a range of... Cattle.” She shrugged. “That was how we met wasn’t it? You eating me? It’s what I’m best at, being eaten and I come pretamed and subbified.” She snorted. “I said I’d do this at the beginning remember? When Lisa joked about how I’d make a good toy. I said I was yours to use in any kind of deal with the Bam-Kursh? Well here we are.”

There was silence after that.


They waited in silence for hours until at last the Bam-Kursh and the original Lisa enered the room.

“Not harmed I see.” said the Bam-Kursh to Cassie. “Good. I’ve invested rasther too much time and effort to risk you being harmed.”

Cassie said “I want the original me to go to him once you’ve scanned me in and I want him and his family placed under your protection.”

“Okay, we can do that.” said the Bam-Kursh cheerrily stroking Cassie’s hair. “I’ll see if I can’t undo a little of the damage that I’ve done hey? Now come along, there’s a recipe book with your name on it just waiting for its star ingredient.”

Cassie walked away with the Bam-Kursh and the original Lisa.

They sat in silence for a while as the girls fucked.

When the girls stopped Emma filled them in on what had happened

The Farsh-nuke was all but dead inside.

Then the humm returned and the room started to heat up. Auld Lang Syne started playing.

Stephanie and Jessica started singing along with it.

Emma started humming along.

Lisa and Charlotte started to slowly join in.

The doors swung open and Liso was flanked by two Lisas and a robot. One of the Lisas ran forward and glomped the Farsh-nuke.

The robot explained. “The Bam-Kursh switched me back on as she left and had her Lisas build me a new drone unit. She notified me of the locations our fallen comrades. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to back out there and search for survivors.”

The robot turned and left the room.

Liso nodded to the Farsh-nuke and recieved a curt nod of approval back.

The Lisa who was hugging him said “Listen I know things are bad right now but they will get better. We’ll get Cassie back. Things will be okay.”

As the Farsh-nuke held her, he started to believe it.


Omega cleaned up the place enough for them to get some sleep and have a shower.

Stephanie and Jessica gladly gave their flesh so Charlotte, Emma and the Farsh-nuke could eat and reaffirmed that they belonged to him.

Liso and the shop girl helped Omega clean up.

Lisa convinced the Farsh-nuke to dominate her.

Slowly normality returned.

They found Tabitha lying beneath a pile of dismembered Lisas, drones and weresharks.

When the Bam-Kursh returned the Farsh-nuke was almost back to his old self again.

He was in the kitchen pruning Stephanie and Jessica as Lisa sat on the table watching him.

“I owe you an apology.” said the Bam-Kursh by way of introduction.

The Farsh-nuke turned round, horrified then disgusted.

The Bam-Kursh nodded. “You could have killed me. You could have hurt my Lisa. That’s why you get mercy.”

The Farsh-nuke wheezed. “This is mercy?”

The Bam-Kursh smiled. “I didn’t get to be where I am now without crushing pretenders.”

She pulled Cassie out of a pocket and the young woman fell out onto the floor naked with a blindfold over her eyes.

Cassie called “Farsh!?”

The Farsh-nuke gently grabbed her arms and guided her to her feet then removed the blindfold.

“Hey...” said Cassie with a smile.

The Farsh-nuke pulled Cassie close and stared at the Bam-Kursh. “Thank you for letting me have her back.”

The Bam-Kursh nodded. “I’ve let the SLF know what you did, tried to do. There should be a ship on its way in a few days. I’ve also given Omega a beacon that’ll automatically inform any Lisas zee recovers that they belong to zed now and that they are to do as zed wish and zee can of course give them to you. And also because fuck it.” She pulled a foot high Lisa in a bikini out of her pocket. “Since you were asking about them.”

The Farsh-nuke accepted the gift with a nod then watched the Bam-Kursh leave.

So that was that.

It was over.

Bit of an anticlimax in the end.


The SLF ship arrived with a super computer of their own powerful enough for Omega’s code and consciousness to be copied across.

The Farsh-nuke, Cassie and Lisa left with them, bringing with them Liso, Emma and the shop girl as well as Stephanie, Jessica and Tabitha.

There was one last surprise, one last gift for the Farsh-nuke. Since Cassie had become produce like the toys. She had been given a mental off switch and with the brief power of two Omega consciousness supporting super computers Omega was able to reverse engineer the approperiate harmonics. Meaning that Stephanie, Jessica and even Tabitha could be pruned of all but their hearts and brains without adversely affecting them since they could be simply switched off before the cutting began and switched on once their bodies had fully healed. Even for the sylphs that enjoyed the cutting this meant skipping out the tedium of recovery.


Charlotte was left behind with her Lisa and friendly sapient AI when there came a stammering “Sh!”

The Bam-Kursh stepped out from behind a red British post box. “Hello there, Charlie.”

Charlotte glared at her. “What do you want?”

“To give you a job.” said the Bam-Kursh. “You took out the SLF hunting the Farsh-nuke, without killing them. You summoned the Farsh-nuke. You created Cassie the Cattle Girl for me. You created friendly generalised artificial intelligence. You are a genius and you’re ruthless and you are useful.”

Charlotte laughed. “Why the fuck would I ever do anything to help you!?”

“Because unlike the Farsh-nuke I’ll let you embrace your darkness and since he isn’t here anymore I think maybe you can put this to some use.” said the Bam-Kursh removing a copy of Cassie from her pocket. The young woman had a blindfold obver her eyes and wore nothing but a carefully tied bow.

Charlotte removed the blindold and Cassie’s eyes looked into hers imprinting on her.

“No rights, no regulations, no paperwork.” said the Bam-Kursh “And just this once, as it is you and your most treasured of students, no fucks given if you rape her. Have fun. I’ll be in touch.”

The Bam-Kursh was gone by the time Charlotte’s Cassie realised hjust what exactly this meant.

Charlotte giggled as she watched her muse squirm. “I win.”

The End