The White Man’s Rule Must End
Alexander Gordon Jahans
And then the pain...
The Farsh-nuke screamed. His suit was dirty with blood, torn and fraying. His arms and legs had been broken and his feet and hands were cuffed together at the back. His short black hair was half burned from his head. He was in a large leather armchair looking across a coffee table at a man in pyjamas and a dressing gown, with a roll of toilet tissue to one hand and a bottle of diet lemonade to the other. There were green metallic glasses on his face and his hair was a mess.
“Hello William, have a good sleep did you?” said the double chinned homunculous cheerily.
“How the fuck am I here?” asked the Farsh-nuke.
The man with the ever so punchable face grinned “Ohhh I should have thought it was obvuious. See I did have a good night’s sleep. And I realised a lot of things...”
The Farsh-nuke stared at him.
The gimboid monstrosity met his gaze,
The Farsh-nuke’s mouth dropped and he closed his eyes as he realised “No...”
The wretched greebling nodded “The only man who can break me, who can cut through all my defences and utterly destroy me is me and you, my dear mucker, are a reflection of my id and my psyche. You are my siubconscious and my shadow.”
And now the Farsh-nuke remembered....
He had pulled up in his Bugatti Veyron and was just about to introduce himself to a rather handsome blonde when the neanderthalic abomination walked up behind him with a cricket bat and started battering him ferociously.
“You’re a pacifist?” said the Farsh-nuke.
The big titted microdick shook his head “That’s an over simplification, I have hybrid morality and as you well know, the rules don’t apply when I’m the victim.”
The Farsh-nuke swallowed then sighed “Alexander Gordon Jahans, confronting his demons at last. To what do I owe thias... honour?”
Alex reached across the table and hand him an open can of diet coke with a straw in it, then he poured himself a glass of diet lemonade and took a swig. “We are despicable.”
“Well yes-” said the Farsh-nuke “That is why we’re bonded, mutual self loathing.”
Alex shook his head “I mean all of us... All white men, all white boys.”
The Farsh-nuke stared at him. “You can’t serious.”
Alex nodded “Oh I’m sure there are some that are untainted by the blight which curses us and of course unlike you I don’t actually suggest remedying this with force of arms but we are wretched, abhorrent.”
The Farsh-nuke shook his head. “Why? What’s changed? I mean I know feminism but-”
“Feminism has fuck all to do with it.” said Alex “Oh I will take any excuse I can to hate myself but I’ve been an anti-feminist before and if I ever cared about what other people thought of me I would long ago have fit in with the other sheep. No, this... This is about me.”
“Well isn’t everything?” said the Farsh-nuke with a sigh.
“Oh like it’s a fucking surprise that I’m egocentric, I put myself into a Doctor Who story and you were created.” said Alex.
“Point taken.” said the Farsh-nuke. “So why do you hate white men?”
“Because I am trying to find my place in the world as one at the moment and the things I used to love and kind of still do aren’t nice.” said Alex “The suit, the car, the gadgets.”
“The girls?” asked the Farsh-nuke with a smile.
“Yes...” sneered Alex with disgust. “It’s all horrible and egotistical. All look at me, look at me, aren’t I wonderful, I have a large bank account and nice things. It’s all so very petty, if harmless. Except there are aspects which aren’t harmless.” Alex looked pointedly at the Farsh-nuke.
The Farsh-nuke snorted “Like I’m the worst of mankind?”
“No.” said the Farsh-nuke and he sighed “No, you’re really not.”
The Farsh-nuke nodded “The Doctor, James Bond, Jack Bauer, Bruce Wayne, Jason Bourne, Clint Eastwood, and that’s just off the top of my head.”
“These are our heroes.” said Alex. “A pacifist who commits genocide every other week, a murderous letch, a torturing madman, a richman who spends his days beating up the poor, an amnesiac out for revenge and the man with no name or morals.”
“Yeahhh...” said the Farsh-nuke “Funny how these are the heroes of a people and culture typified by invasion and subjugation.”
“And the thing is I am part of the problem.” said Alex. “I look at women and without realising my brain is making judgement calls based on appearence. And the anger...” He looks away “Shit, you know how bad things have been. I just - I’m sick of it. Sick of how we’ve fucked everything and everybody up and how we’re still fucking things up.”
The Farsh-nuke softens “Well what about black lives matter, and feminism and the LBTQA+ movements? There’s hope surely?”
Alex meets his gaze “Oh there’s hope but I introduce you to the last desperate holdouts of white male shittery. The pathetic boys who love guns more than lives and think cuck is some kind of great insult and not like someone with a speech impediment fucked up saying cunt. They are an isolated minority of nutcases and they are coming after me. I’ve got a tiny dick, tits, I can’t smell, my nose always runs, I’ve got piles I’m autistic and I wear glasses. Like what the fuck are they going to say to me? Where’s the thrill? The reason you don’t punch down is that it’s no fun and too fucking easy. Oh you have observed a fact about my being, well done. Clap. Clap. Fuck off. It’s just pathetic.”
“So what do you suggest?” asked the Farsh-nuke.
“Well I ain’t going anywhere.” said Alex “If I do I won’t be pissed but I’m going to keep shining a light on the shit in the world and trying to find the fun but it is time for the white man to step aside. We have had our time, we have had our fun. The world belongs to others now and frankly it’s about damn time. We just need to adjust and do what little we can to help and not get in the way. It’s not about ego, it’s about helping make up for the damage done by our people.”
“So what happens to me?” asked the Farsh-nuke.
“I don’t know.” said Alex “I really don’t know.”