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Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Putting the fun in cluster funk

Putting the Fun in Cluster Funk
Alexander Gordon Jahans

I had an epiphany last night while watching Tom Scott's videos. It was a random binge that I decided to go on because I'm between podcasts and letsplay series at the moment. Anyway I realised something.

yes, things are bad. For the world and for me. America's just insanely broken, the tories are fucking everything up, bugger knows what Scotland wants, Russia's getting punchy, Isis are pricks, Saudi Arabia are cunts and North Korea's still prancing about like anybody gives a shit about their dystopian society. Our planet is dying, inequality is soaring and the bigots keep rearing their heads. And me? I've got cataracts that I'm fairly certain are causing me headaches though that could just be migraines. My teeth are almost more machine than man now. I bleed depressingly regularly from different places, I need to take pills every day to keep from dying, my masculinity comes in the form of an injection every 3 months. My family is insane, I am failing to give my time away for free never mind get a paid job and I am wracked with regular bouts of self loathing and depression.

Things are not good and they really haven't been for a long time. 

Then again things are getting better, Bernie Sanders and Jeremy Corbyn bring fresh hope of positive change to Britain and America, Steven moffat is leaving Doctor Who and I am growing a beard. Yeah, alright I know it's not exactly a utopian dream to look forward to but things are potentially getting not shit and technology is advancing at a staggering rate. Virtual Reality and Augmented Reality is just around the corner plus loads of other cool shit.

The problem is that I can't see the hope for the shit at the moment as I have spent the past year training facebook to shovel all the misery of the world before me. I need to break that cycle. I need to make a concerted effort to find the hope and the awesome and the fun in a world of death and misery and suffering because I am no use to anyone if I am teetering on the edge of suicide and trying not to think about how terrifyingly fucked we all are.

I've done it before. Right now I have a migraine that's possibly also a hangover and I made the mistake of drinking diet coke on an empty stomach so I am feeling distinctly unwell. After a year of shit and misery my instinct is to give up and feel sorry for myself but I wasn't always like this. I remember being violently ill as a child, running to the bathroom to vom every 5 minutes or something and I would stubbornly continue to read despite the misery. Just refuse to focus on the negativity and chase what mattered to me, which was finishing that Jiggy McCue book.

I need to find that strength of resolve now. I need to break the cycle, I need to retrain facebook's algorithms to stop reinforcing my negativity.To always look on the bright side of life no matter how negative. I don't need to be reminded of the shit. I get it now.

Fortunately there is light and help in this respect. I am a nerd, I hunger for letsplays and fanvids and feeling gorram awesome. I am not starting from scratch, I have a considerable armory of awesome to help keep me positive. I do however wish facebook and youtube had options to easily change the algorithms if something like this occurs. Even a simple reset to default option would help. Coders, I never want anybody to work for free but if this sounds like a problem you think you can help with I highly doubt I am the only problem damned by how they've trained their various website algorithms.

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