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Sunday, 26 July 2015

Blast! My sexuality!

Blast! My Sexuality!


Alexander Gordon Jahans

Hot chicks! Hot chicks! Hot chicks! Tall blonde beatiful hot chicks showing flesh. Hot chicks being badass superheros fighting bad guys. Hot Chicks out thinking the enemy. Hot chicks out debating the enemy. Hot chick scientists. Hot chick hackers. Hot chick nerds. Zarquon save me from my constant lust for hot chicks! It is really really distracting!

This is not some men's rights activist post I blame no women. I blame my cock and my brain and the genetic mutation that caused me to have not enough testosterone and so now upon receiving testosterone have no way exorcise my lust for hot chicks. Okay analysis. Focus. There will be hot chicks. Focus.

Why aren't as distracted by hot dudes? I'm bi aren't I? Hot chicks! Gah! Focus.
I was heavily bullied and grew up in a Conservative safe seat. Homosexuality was an insult. You learned to hide it. I also had a lot of hero worship and so the two kind of joined and my attraction to men was excused as hero worship. Heterosexuality was normal and I have always wanted to be normal and so I have chased any kind of attraction toward women to a desperate degree. Exacerbating a microphilia fetish into a more standard and heavily watered down bdsm style fetish. Hence probably how by the time I matured enough to realise I was bisexual I viewed men healthily. As in if I am going to have an attraction towards a guy they have to be something special like Many A True Nerd, the kind of guy who is witty, moral, interested in similar things to me and nice while my attraction towards women is far more shallow, hence - Hot Chicks! -how a testosterone boost has more completely distracted. Hot Chicks!

I cannot masturbate by the way. Not yet at least. So there is no way to exorcise these demons. It makes no sense. I can't do anything. I just really really really want in some nebulous way hot chicks. It is absurd. I keep asking myself "What are you going to do with them? Supposing you actually manage to encourage a hot chick to see you and consent to you what the fuck are you going to do? Yes kinkiness knows few boundaries but what the fuck is the point if it's not going to help you and you're still going to be just as frustrated by the end of it?"

But I don't care. I just see some blonde thin woman and I want her naked before me like a hungry man wants a roast dinner or a bucket of kfc. There is some visceral chemical urge, a great hunger demanding satiation and I cannot help myself I just picture hot chicks again and again over and over and it is so distracting. It is nice becxause that's part of the chemical hunger but if dwelled upon that lack of satiation turns to frustration and it's just really really distracting. I do hope this doesn't last long.

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