The Terror Of Tomorrow
Alexander Gordon Jahans
I went to university knowing times would be tough when I left. In my final year of university I was terrified that I was going to kill myself the first Christmass after university. It is now three days until my doctor tells me the results of the dna test and it's looking likely that I might actually survive that danger. Which is a problem because I never thought I would make it this far. I am 23 and I might actually solve these fundamental problems of habitation, masculinity and virginity. I might actually make it to thirty as a relatively normal human being and that is scary.
We live in a world where wealth is concentrated within a minority, where the jobs that are available don't pay a living wage and there aren't enough jobs for the people on the planet. Oh and it's a world that is dying because the wealthy minority are stupid and selfish so there's going to be heatwaves in the summer harsh winters and floods.
I talk a lot about revolution but that's really just another effect of the terror of tomorrow. "I don't have to worry about trying to live in a world where there is no money and the world is dying because I will die in a futile gesture against the people with all the money, all the weapons and all the power."
I don't actually know how I will survive to make it to the short term but there is something in the middle term that I can do. TEFL. Teaching English as a Foreign Language. I have avoided this because I actually like Britain for lots of reasons and I hate the idea of becoming a teacher but it's a chance to get out of the country, survive for a bit and do my national service teaching people who aren't British how to communicate with the likes of UKIP. I think joining a squat or a commune would probably be a less horrible medium term solution after the TEFL situation but what about long term?
The thing about Long Term is that I'm not sure what is the more ludicrous idea, that capitalism as it is today will limp on, or that something will replace it. I mean the government's universal credit idea seems to me to be perilously close in concept to the Universal Basic Income, which leads me to a conspiracy theory. The Tories' propaganda is all about how Labour fucked it all up and the tories wants what's best for every different sector of society yet the well known facts are that the recession was caused by bankers, people have died and are dying due to benefit sanctions, the rich are getting tax cuts, he wants to rewrite our human rights. It is the most outright sadistic two faced politicing. That by the way isn't the conspiracy theory, that's the facts. No, the conspiracy theory suggests that it is so deliberately baiting and anti-working class as to incite revolution or at least the calls for it, the petitions and the protests, that it's bait for a distraction. I mean what are the Tories doing? They are drawing out the corrupt and easily bought megacorps, inciting a leftwing revolution in the labour party and laying the groundwork for a universal basic income by turning all these different benefit systems into one universal credit for those in work and out of work. All Labour needs to do is elect a leftwing leader to win next election, stride into number ten, raise the universal credit to a living wage, turn the voting system to PR and tax everyone of the Conservative party donors and when the right wing complain Labour can say Cameron laid the ground work for all those things.
Assuming benefits or a Universal Basic Income is off the table though I think I will need to retrain in something more likely to get me a job. Really though that's not a problem I care about right now. If I die I don't have to worry about living in the world of tomorrow, if I do then yay I do. I'm more concerned about living sustainably learning to drive, getting an electric car. Living life.
There are somethings I have been meaning to do for a while:
Donate £10 to the ALS charity
Donate £10 to the Shark Trust
Get a copy of Withnail and I with Special Features
Get a copy of Farscape The Peacekeeper Wars
Get a new inflatable dalek.
I have been living a subsistence level life, in one room, doing basically the same things every day, eating basically the same things every day. I have gotten fat and I have gotten lazy. I want to have to wash up my own plates, I want to have to wash my own clothes, I want to eat broccoli, cauliflower, spinach and carrots and parsnips and lettuce on a regular basis. I want to be able to try new things when it comes to food. I want to swim again, to completely submerge myself again, I want to cycle and I want to have a walk be part of a regular daily commute. I want to read on the train, live where it's cold enough to wear suits. I want to record videos without fear of being interrupted. I want to live my life without having to go to my parents for cash. I want to live my life without being judged.
If nothing else when I get my testosterone shots I will finally be able to masturbate.