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Thursday, 25 June 2015

If David Cameron wants to wage war against the poor, game on.

If David Cameron wants to wage war against the the poor,

Game On!

By

Alexander Gordon Jahans

Boredom has always been my deadliest enemy. I am privileged enough to have been born into a family just rich enough to have allowed that to be. However that isn't just a humble brag, it is a statement that carries with it a truth I learned during my years being bullied at school: The mind is a prison within which each person's darkest fears are kept. I have a lot of fears trapped in my mind, a lot of realities too now. You don't want to keep reliving childhood nightmares of sharks coming to get you but neither do you want to think about existential terror of seeing yourself day after day transform into the image of an ugly woman because you just don't have enough testosterone.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do not have a lot to live for and boredom is my deadliest enemy but David Cameron in a weird way is my hero. We have this thing in Britain called the Blitz Spirit where we all draw together and support each other in times of great trouble even when we would otherwise be nervous wrecks or committing suicide and this affect has been seen after 9/11 for example. 

I don't just have the Blitz Spirit though I think I have adapted to a certain amount of stress. I mean I was 15 before this daily barrage of abuse made me abandon school. I sailed through my GCSEs, chose to go to college and university and really only ran into issues when it came to working with other people or doing hardcore research. So lazy and anti-social but thriving on the stress of deadlines. A stress I no longer have.

At this point you're probably wondering how all those terrors locked up in my head aren't stressful enough to allow me to function, well here's an attempt at an answer: Imagine a video game where you have to search for keys to activate a self destruct before the complex floods and monster sharks eat you. 

Technically the inevitable wave of monster shark death should be extremely stressful. This is a countdown to becoming giblets right? Except because there's nothing you can do to stop it, it's a cutscene, as a player you stop worrying about it. I mean on a grander scale we all know we will each someday die but we don't spend our lives freaking out because of the constant ticking down to our own destruction because why worry about things you can't prevent. So finding the keys in the game is the stressful bit because that is the bit you can control.

That's why David Cameron is my hero. He has provided me with problems that I can fight and that are engaging to fight. Where's the challenge in looking for a job? It's just a lottery, submitting cover letter after cover letter, cv after cv, attending interview after interview. until somebody says yes. Getting David Cameron to stop being a poor hating, economy destroying, planet killing, cock? Now that's a worthy challenge.

Why is it a challenge for me though? I'm not a politician. Well neither is he. He didn't get elected on policies, he got elected on the understanding that he could convince nasty people to read his manifesto and vote for that then spin what he planned to do to grab floating voters. David Cameron is a youtuber spouting horseshit to make people like him. That is a challenge I can try and help fight.

I have said before that revolution is inevitable, well right now, if it were needed, I would gladly die in the cause of ending his Orwellian nightmare of an administration. After all the prison of my own mind still haunts me and the dagger does on occasion seem like a wise idea. 

If David Cameron wants to kill the poor, if he wants to make war with those who are lucky if they have food in their bellies, then I for one pledge my support to stop him if this breaks out into military conflict.

I mean lets be clear here there is a cold war going on right now. The dissatisfied British citizens and the government that the majority of the population and voters do not want are having a little dance right now. Writing petitions and ignoring petitions. Attending protests and cutting welfare. Already the Prime Minister has overruled the Department of Work and Pensions to cool the fires of revolutionary ire. So long as this war remains cold I pledge to fight it with my youtube channel and blog and if it should turn hot I will not abandon my principles.

If David Cameron said "You know what we're going to far, lets stop the cuts here" then that at least would allow the economy to recover. If he said "This isn't fair Austerity should apply across the board" and he taxed the rich until they were as poor as the poor then I would applaud him. If he restored the welfare state I would call for an end to the revolution. He won't though. If he wants war he will find many people just waiting for the excuse to fight back.