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Sunday, 28 June 2015

The Eastern Front of the Second World War

The Terror Of Tomorrow

The Terror Of Tomorrow


Alexander Gordon Jahans

I went to university knowing times would be tough when I left. In my final year of university I was terrified that I was going to kill myself the first Christmass after university. It is now three days until my doctor tells me the results of the dna test and it's looking likely that I might actually survive that danger. Which is a problem because I never thought I would make it this far. I am 23 and I might actually solve these fundamental problems of habitation, masculinity and virginity. I might actually make it to thirty as a relatively normal human being and that is scary.

We live in a world where wealth is concentrated within a minority, where the jobs that are available don't pay a living wage and there aren't enough jobs for the people on the planet. Oh and it's a world that is dying because the wealthy minority are stupid and selfish so there's going to be heatwaves in the summer harsh winters and floods.

I talk a lot about revolution but that's really just another effect of the terror of tomorrow. "I don't have to worry about trying to live in a world where there is no money and the world is dying because I will die in a futile gesture against the people with all the money, all the weapons and all the power."

I don't actually know how I will survive to make it to the short term but there is something in the middle term that I can do. TEFL. Teaching English as a Foreign Language. I have avoided this because I actually like Britain for lots of reasons and I hate the idea of becoming a teacher but it's a chance to get out of the country, survive for a bit and do my national service teaching people who aren't British how to communicate with the likes of UKIP. I think joining a squat or a commune would probably be a less horrible medium term solution after the TEFL situation but what about long term?

The thing about Long Term is that I'm not sure what is the more ludicrous idea, that capitalism as it is today will limp on, or that something will replace it. I mean the government's universal credit idea seems to me to be perilously close in concept to the Universal Basic Income, which leads me to a conspiracy theory. The Tories' propaganda is all about how Labour fucked it all up and the tories wants what's best for every different sector of society yet the well known facts are that the recession was caused by bankers, people have died and are dying due to benefit sanctions, the rich are getting tax cuts, he wants to rewrite our human rights. It is the most outright sadistic two faced politicing. That by the way isn't the conspiracy theory, that's the facts. No, the conspiracy theory suggests that it is so deliberately baiting and anti-working class as to incite revolution or at least the calls for it, the petitions and the protests, that it's bait for a distraction. I mean what are the Tories doing? They are drawing out the corrupt and easily bought megacorps, inciting a leftwing revolution in the labour party and laying the groundwork for a universal basic income by turning all these different benefit systems into one universal credit for those in work and out of work. All Labour needs to do is elect a leftwing leader to win next election, stride into number ten, raise the universal credit to a living wage, turn the voting system to PR and tax everyone of the Conservative party donors and when the right wing complain Labour can say Cameron laid the ground work for all those things.

Assuming benefits or a Universal Basic Income is off the table though I think I will need to retrain in something more likely to get me a job. Really though that's not a problem I care about right now. If I die I don't have to worry about living in the world of tomorrow, if I do then yay I do. I'm more concerned about living sustainably learning to drive, getting an electric car. Living life.

There are somethings I have been meaning to do for a while:
Donate £10 to the ALS charity
Donate £10 to the Shark Trust
Get a copy of Withnail and I with Special Features
Get a copy of Farscape The Peacekeeper Wars
Get a new inflatable dalek.

I have been living a subsistence level life, in one room, doing basically the same things every day, eating basically the same things every day. I have gotten fat and I have gotten lazy. I want to have to wash up my own plates, I want to have to wash my own clothes, I want to eat broccoli, cauliflower, spinach and carrots and parsnips and lettuce on a regular basis. I want to be able to try new things when it comes to food. I want to swim again, to completely submerge myself again, I want to cycle and I want to have a walk be part of a regular daily commute. I want to read on the train, live where it's cold enough to wear suits. I want to record videos without fear of being interrupted. I want to live my life without having to go to my parents for cash. I want to live my life without being judged.

If nothing else when I get my testosterone shots I will finally be able to masturbate.

Thursday, 25 June 2015

Wargames and State's Rights

If David Cameron wants to wage war against the poor, game on.

If David Cameron wants to wage war against the the poor,

Game On!


Alexander Gordon Jahans

Boredom has always been my deadliest enemy. I am privileged enough to have been born into a family just rich enough to have allowed that to be. However that isn't just a humble brag, it is a statement that carries with it a truth I learned during my years being bullied at school: The mind is a prison within which each person's darkest fears are kept. I have a lot of fears trapped in my mind, a lot of realities too now. You don't want to keep reliving childhood nightmares of sharks coming to get you but neither do you want to think about existential terror of seeing yourself day after day transform into the image of an ugly woman because you just don't have enough testosterone.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do not have a lot to live for and boredom is my deadliest enemy but David Cameron in a weird way is my hero. We have this thing in Britain called the Blitz Spirit where we all draw together and support each other in times of great trouble even when we would otherwise be nervous wrecks or committing suicide and this affect has been seen after 9/11 for example. 

I don't just have the Blitz Spirit though I think I have adapted to a certain amount of stress. I mean I was 15 before this daily barrage of abuse made me abandon school. I sailed through my GCSEs, chose to go to college and university and really only ran into issues when it came to working with other people or doing hardcore research. So lazy and anti-social but thriving on the stress of deadlines. A stress I no longer have.

At this point you're probably wondering how all those terrors locked up in my head aren't stressful enough to allow me to function, well here's an attempt at an answer: Imagine a video game where you have to search for keys to activate a self destruct before the complex floods and monster sharks eat you. 

Technically the inevitable wave of monster shark death should be extremely stressful. This is a countdown to becoming giblets right? Except because there's nothing you can do to stop it, it's a cutscene, as a player you stop worrying about it. I mean on a grander scale we all know we will each someday die but we don't spend our lives freaking out because of the constant ticking down to our own destruction because why worry about things you can't prevent. So finding the keys in the game is the stressful bit because that is the bit you can control.

That's why David Cameron is my hero. He has provided me with problems that I can fight and that are engaging to fight. Where's the challenge in looking for a job? It's just a lottery, submitting cover letter after cover letter, cv after cv, attending interview after interview. until somebody says yes. Getting David Cameron to stop being a poor hating, economy destroying, planet killing, cock? Now that's a worthy challenge.

Why is it a challenge for me though? I'm not a politician. Well neither is he. He didn't get elected on policies, he got elected on the understanding that he could convince nasty people to read his manifesto and vote for that then spin what he planned to do to grab floating voters. David Cameron is a youtuber spouting horseshit to make people like him. That is a challenge I can try and help fight.

I have said before that revolution is inevitable, well right now, if it were needed, I would gladly die in the cause of ending his Orwellian nightmare of an administration. After all the prison of my own mind still haunts me and the dagger does on occasion seem like a wise idea. 

If David Cameron wants to kill the poor, if he wants to make war with those who are lucky if they have food in their bellies, then I for one pledge my support to stop him if this breaks out into military conflict.

I mean lets be clear here there is a cold war going on right now. The dissatisfied British citizens and the government that the majority of the population and voters do not want are having a little dance right now. Writing petitions and ignoring petitions. Attending protests and cutting welfare. Already the Prime Minister has overruled the Department of Work and Pensions to cool the fires of revolutionary ire. So long as this war remains cold I pledge to fight it with my youtube channel and blog and if it should turn hot I will not abandon my principles.

If David Cameron said "You know what we're going to far, lets stop the cuts here" then that at least would allow the economy to recover. If he said "This isn't fair Austerity should apply across the board" and he taxed the rich until they were as poor as the poor then I would applaud him. If he restored the welfare state I would call for an end to the revolution. He won't though. If he wants war he will find many people just waiting for the excuse to fight back.

Does the failure of the USSR really condemn comunism as an idea

Monday, 22 June 2015


Thousands Protest UK Government Planned Welfare Cuts

Do NOT do this.

Do NOT do this

A batshit idea


Alexander Gordon Jahans

Lets begin with why I was thinking about this because if anyone is stupid enough to do this I may end up in court:
People are dying. They are killing themselves because of Austerity. I'll explain what Austerity is in a moment but basically the government is cutting back on spending and raising taxes and there are disabled people who depend on benefits to survive. And bare in mind to be on benefits you have to be in a fairly desperate situation anyway so these are people on the raggedy edge just trying to survive and then they get hit with a benefit sanction, which basically means the government have decided they don't need benefits. So now these disabled and desperate people don't have money for food or rent. It's like they're paused at the edge of a cliff and the ground has just crumbled away beneath them. So a not insignificant number of these people attempt and sometimes succeed in committing suicide. And to make matters worse the government won't release the amount of people who have died as a result of benefit sanctions. Which means that if they are afraid of letting us know the truth an awful lot of people must have died.

So what is Austerity? Well if you believe the government, the previous Labour government spent far too much on welfare and now we are as a country in debt so we must pay off that debt by tightening our collective belts. That is the official definition of Austerity.

There are some problems with this definition of austerity.
The first is that if we're tightening our belt why are the MPs getting a 10% pay rise, why are millionaires getting tax cuts, why are bankers and mega corps making massive bonuses and profits and we are we spending billions on nuclear missiles we will never use and on maintaining an ancient parliament building that is falling apart and is not fit for purpose anymore?

The second is that Nobel prize winning economists agree that trickle down economics don't make sense, there is drastic income inequality and that in a time of depressed economy you need to stimulate economic growth then tax and pay down the debt when the economy is in roaring good health. You harvest where there are crops in the field, not when the fields are bare. And just like if you tried to harvest an empty field if you try to cut back on stimulating the economy and tax the barely surviving economy, all you do is waste energy and time and the good will of the people and destroy whatever green shoots that might be able to bloom eventually.

The third problem with this definition of austerity of course is that I was there in 2008 when the recession hit. There was no moment of Labour over reaching themselves. All that happened was an unregulated banking system did something incredibly stupid and a labour party that had survived Tony Blair going to war in Iraq and not getting punished, that had survived the expenses scandal, that had survived changing Prime Ministers without the say of the public, was left running the country when this timebomb exploded. And to make matters worse the unelected prime minister was the former chancellor of the exchequer, so the feeling is he should have seen it coming and done something about it but instead he bailed the banks out with tax payer money and this crucial flaw in the banking system was left unchanged.

So as you can imagine it is freaky for me to see this new government basically retconning with the support of labor and the mainstream media the reason we are in a recession. Suddenly the bankers didn't cause the problem, poor people on welfare did. This is some Orwellian shit right here. 

The new government by the way, when they first got in, did so because the Lib Dems did a deal with them during a hung parliament and when they did win with a majority only managed it because the First Past The Post system is broken as fuck and so the majority of the population did not vote for this party. I could go further but suffice to say I don't consider this government legitimate. I mean if I was reading about this in a scifi novel I would be expecting some kind of revolution. 

Sure enough there is one. 2 days ago, on my birthday there was a massive peaceful protest against austerity in London and the mainstream media basically ignored it. Then later that day the new government announced 12 billion pounds worth of new cuts to the welfare state. And this fuck you was basically the straw that broke the camels back. Especially as Nick Robinson a news presenter from the BBC, one of the biggest mainstream media providers in Britain, basically confirmed what we had all figured out the new Prime Minister was putting pressure on the BBC to follow his party line. Hence the Orwellian retconning of the past.

So now we get to my dangerous idea. The banking crisis that created all this happened because banks created loans on the basis that they will have the money to pay for the loans once the loans are paid back. This is basically printing money to give to someone on the understanding that you will destroy it when you are paid it back. You don't devalue the currency so long as you destroy the money once the loan is paid back. Except banks make their money on interest. They don't want people to take out loans if they can pay back the loans, they want to siphon money from people for the rest of their lives. It's just good business practice to have people only pay off the interest. Except some people can't even afford the interest because it's so much. These people can't pay back the money, so if you lend to them you won't get your money back and you have devalued the money you do have. But because these people are so desperate they will sign anything to just keep food in their bellies, so they will agree to higher and higher rates of interest. And here's where it gets scary, bankers would gather up a whole bunch of anonymous debts (So you can't tell which ones are doomed to not be able to pay back the interest, let alone all their debt) and they sell these to other bankers like "Hey how much for all these debts generating this much money in interest rates" and so the ticking time bomb, can't pay off the interest, debts are used to sweeten the deal.

The banking crisis happened because it was financially advantageous to trade debts that were doomed to default and cost whoever was left holding the debts money.  The labour party bailed them out with tax payers money and they started making massdive profits but no regulation has been put in place.

So think back to those desperate people on the raggedy edge when the cliff has crumbled away beneath them, they don't have money for food or rent but those unscrupulous banks are still trading debt. These are people that are going to die anyway so if they took out loans they couldn't pay back to pay for that food and rent then took it to the logical extreme where they end up in jail for fraud, they could make the banking crisis happen all over again except this time the illegitimate Orwellian welfare state destroying government will be faced with the problem. Would they again kick the can down the road and bail out the banks with tax payer money in which case they have no excuse left, or would they actually dare to arrest the bankers?

Well now I've said this they'd probably arrest me and brand me as a terrorist so don't nobody try it but it is interesting to think about.

Saturday, 20 June 2015

It is time to offer the stick as encouragement to the government

The 21st century has been great for the British and Americans but it really helps if you're rich, white and a man.

I have no problem with being any of those things but people are dying, our democratic systems don't work and the core problems of our societies don't work.

In America black people are dying at the hands of white people at a depressingly regular basis.

In Britain the poor and the disabled are having their benefits cut then committing suicide while millionaires receive tax breaks.

I have said just recently that America is not ready for revolution and I stand by that. I also feel that until the middle-classes are hit we will not see revolution in Britain. I am not advocating the unleashing of the angry mob but I do now think that the fuse has now been lit and it is only a matter of time before revolution happens one way or another in Britain and I also think that America needs to feel like a fuse has been lit. The racist murders cannot continue.

It is time to make the government realize the danger they are playing with. People are dying because of government ineptitude. No longer can anyone afford to just sign petitions and share twitter hashtags. We need to mobilize and take to the streets and show the government we have an army that will not tolerate government approved deaths. We need to strike and bring our countries to a stand still over these issues to show that the economy works because we the people allow it to work.

We need to make the government scared of not addressing these issues.

It is no longer enough to offer the carrot of votes and approval, we need to offer the stick of public discord if they don't stop killing people.

OMG Fallout New Vegas Ultimate Edition Thank You

I seee America and I want it painted Black

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

It's the Final Countdown

The Final Countdown


Alexander Gordon Jahans

On the 14th of June 2015 I posted this status to facebook:
I feel so very weird. It's like commplete exhaustion and an experience akin to losing focus and easily distracted, and though obviously the physical structure and input of my eyes has not changed it is akin to seeing everything in the jaws shot where the focus of my vision is weirdly clear and sharp and large and everything surrounding in even if lass than a foot away is so far into the distance as to be forgettable.. That is not literally how it appears with such clarity, rather that is how my brain perceives it, focusing on the important things. I am easily distracted and thus not so easily bored hours can seemingly pass easily. . I do not wish to alarm anybody. Rather I am chroinicling this as it seems so strange and I should not like to forget it and lose the ability to look over this when I have recovered as I have no doubt I will.
What that is is a sign that the stress of the past year has transcended the psychological and become physiological, in other words a problem of the mind that could at worst make me kill myself has become a physical problem. That is a game changing revelation.

This is not the first time I have been suicidally depressed, nor is it the first time I've faced the very real prospect of a nervous breakdown. Last time was worse in some ways and better in some ways. Last time I had less problems to deal with but the end to the ordeal was years off. This time I face health problems, mental health problems and money problems but help is so much nearer. I just need to hold out until the end of June or July and I can get my first testosterone injection and I know that my social worker is trying to get me out. So this is in effect a siege until the cavalry arrives.

Everyone I know can see I'm falling apart and they each believe fervently that they know what I should do but I have decided what I will do. I will wait until I get my first testosterone injection and then hopefully have the strength to last until my social worker can get me out of Woking.

This of course leads to a problem, waiting feels lazy, it feels like wasting time but it is the only course of action that works in this instance.

Patience is not something I ever had. My mind buzzes faster than the world around me seems to pass and this is why boredom remains the thing that can kill me. But I am stronger than I used to be. I have learned the art of not thinking and letting hours pass without realising. Here my fucked up sleeping pattern is an asset and here my techno hermit status and interest in politics keeps my mind sufficiently entertained to not cause any issue by asking awkward questions. There is a desire among any normal person to fight against the ennui, to be the change in the world actively. I know it well and I have damaged myself many times scratching desperately against the bars of the cage I now find myself in but I know now help is coming if I can only be fit enough to accept it when it's finally ready, so that is what I intend to do and to adhere to that plan and give myself the best chance I must ignore anyone screaming fruitlessly. Help is coming my task is to ensure I am here to accept it.

My Sister worries that my lifestyle is the big problem because she is what society says women should be. Strong, kind, compassionate, cunning, tactful and outgoing. I don't blame her for not understanding, after all I am a a techno hermit wordsmith with Asperger's Syndrome. Us trying to communicate is like an animal that uses smells to communicate trying to have a conversation with a creature that lives in shit and can't smell. I will none the less try to address her concerns to everyone because I think this is a common problem.

My sister worries that spending a year in one room is killing me and I need to get out. Well first of all as soon as I could I arranged that I had to walk up the road every week for food so things are not as bad as that makes it sound but secondly I know what I want and I know what I like. This is not the first time I've been depressed and suicidal remember and even in the 6 years when I was not depressed and suicidal I lived pretty much this lifestyle. I am not as alone as I seem. My best friends from University still talk to me over Skype and Facebook and getting involved in these politics forums have made me some new friends, they satisfy the little socialising I need to function and feel happy. And remember I have Asperger's Syndrome so I actually need a lot less human contact to be okay and talking to people on facebook is many ways preferable to real life, especially at the moment. There is an immediacy to face to face conversation that can be quite draining and at the moment that is the last thing I need. I'm not saying it isn't an issue to be addressed, just that on the hierarchy of problems it is quite far down the list.

So what is my lifestyle? I listen to podcasts, play video games and watch letsplays. Oh and debate politics on facebook. I really must be weird if debating politics on facebook is my idea of a good time when I'm in the run up to a full on breakdown but what can I say it works. People don't always have to do normal things to have a good time and be okay and that's okay.

So awesome people of the wold lets all just chill okay? I have a plan and it is being enacted. Now if you'll excuse me I really want to finish listening to this World War One podcast, can't wait to find out what these Hitler and Churchill fellows do in the sequel.

Friday, 12 June 2015

Why Would Fox Defend Police Pulling Guns On Children? Russell Brand The ...


Morality First

Morality First


Alexander Gordon Jahans

This is not an article I wanted to write. This is not an article I thought I had to write. This is an article that is inconvenient to write. This is an article that will have negative ramifications in my very near future and throughout my life until the day I die, possibly beyond my grave.

When I was a kid my parents worked 9-5 and beyond doing jobs in the national interest and when the got home they were too fractious and shattered to really spend much time with me so instead they gave me what I craved, relative freedom and independence and the latest gadgets. My first games console was a game boy colour that was purple and transparent. They would buy me each successive generation of the gameboy and Nintendo's home consoles from the N64 upwards. I loved them for it and that generosity no doubt allowed me to become addicted to letsplays today but my childhood was not all Lylat Wars and homework. 

I got bullied a lot as a kid. And bullying creates a kind of feedback loop after a while because the weirder you are the more you're bullied and the more you're bullied, the more your reputation drops and the more you find every excuse not to socialise and so you're even weirder, So I discovered Star Trek and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I was so hated and so neurotic because of that hatred and so desperate for distraction that I became a geek and now suddenly that makes me cool.

But I'm not a geek. Not really. I am the person who became a geek by accident. I didn't have scifi handed down to me and I didn't find it in a dusty old attic like some forgotten and mystical relic. I ran to it to get away from the bullies and now I'm old enough to vote I find the bullies are running the country.

That's what it comes down to in the end. The last time I felt such a strong urge to commit suicide and was so dependent on others to help get me out of a difficult place was when I was a kid running from bullies. In many ways things are worse now, which would explain why I've been feeling worse than last time but this isn't about my problems, this is about the country and about something I learned that the world didn't. When I was a kid I was a pacifist, straight up would not hurt another living being, even with the anger issues I had as a kid, even with the need to defend myself very real. I refused to be the very thing that was making my life hell. And now I've gotten in debt getting a degree and finding voluntary work is hard, let alone a job and the government is fucking over the economy so it can fuck over the poor and all the while racists scream about immigrants being the problem so I try not to claim benefits unless I really need them.

Things were shitty then and they are shitty now. The difference of course is that it's not just me being bullied. People are dying under the illegitimate rule of the Conservative party. People are dying and when I research this stuff, when I debate British politics on forums and make political videos on youtube my sister warns me away and my father fears that criticising the system means I will never get a job. They fear I will get arrested. Well I respectfully feel like the appropriate response to those arguments and concerns is that I don't give a shit because morality is more important.

This is such a bizarrely controversial thing to say, that morality is more important than getting a job, than family or friends, than my own life. David Cameron and George Osborne are bullies and I don't like bullies.

Except it's more than that isn't it? I realised at school that the system was trapping me in a system of suffering so one day I just walked out and never went back. Well except for the gcses but that was a clusterfuck. My point is that I realised the cage was in my own head. I felt like a prisoner because to me the school rules and the law and morality were one and the same. When I was freed from the prison in my own head I realised that there was a higher morality, the morality of the greatest good for the greatest majority. At the time it meant ending my own suffering but now it means ending the suffering of all. David Cameron's party is killing people, he is rescinding our human rights and giving corporations the ability to sue governments and now George Osborne wants to enforce the economy screwing austerity on successive governments. How is it wrong to criticise that?

Revolution is indeed near but I won't lead it, I want David Cameron to wake up to the mood of the nation and help defuse the metric fuck ton of napalm waiting to go off. The public mood at the moment is like a tinder box and he is carelessly having a fag. I may be a moral pragmatist but I am so far an actual pacifist and I would rather like to prevent the loss of life that will occur if and when David Cameron provokes violent revolution.

How long do you think the public will sit quietly by as the government that was voted for by less than a quarter of the population of Great Britain and Northern Ireland continues to fuck them over for the benefit of the 1%? The rich know it's coming and they are preparing for it like the goddamn zombie apocalypse but still David Cameron gives a hearty fuck you to the rapidly growing poor of Britain. At least 40 people so far have commited suicide because of benefit sanctions, how long before these people, often mentally ill, decide to attack the government instead of commiting suicide? I mean he's cut their benefits, cut funding to mental health and screwed up the economy so you're going to have a lot of very pissed off, mentally unwell people with a lot of time on their hands. Tick. Tock. Time's running out. 

There is one hell of a cluster fuck approaching and I consider myself to be in the rather privileged position of not caring about my life at the moment so I don't care about the threats that are made, I will champion the cause of morality no matter what the pressure that is applied to me. People are dying because of the bullingdon bullies so I will not stop writing about politics and making political videos. 

I hope democracy can prevail before the revolution happens but I think that unless serious and unlikely changes are made, such as instituting proportional representation the shit will hit the fan.

My name is Alex Jahans, I hate bullies and I hate violence, I hope you do too.


Thursday, 11 June 2015

Explaining where I'm at

Written at 1 am on the 11th of June 2015 by Alexander Gordon Jahans

So I've been talking a lot about politics and revolution, depression and suicide and this is making people antsy. This is understandable and no matter how well you know the facts of a situation to see someone you care about posting such powerfully emotive stuff is going to be troubling.  So here is an explanation.

I have spent the past year with nothing meaningful to do. The one element in my life that gave and gives me meaning, my youtube and blog, because it acts as a barrier to Job Seeker's Allowance, is seen as an unimportant waste. On youtube and the internet in general there is this constant barrage of hate towards anyone that claims benefits and so I would sooner earn a pittance doing the youtube videos and blogs I love than sacrifice them to become the insult people say is threatening our country. My own mother hates immigrants and yet she wants me to go on benefits. This is a constant head fuck and results in me having less passion and energy for the one thing that gives my life meaning that is "safe".

This is not good.

My life would be so much easier if I did not feel so much and did not think so much because these things are seen as weird or arrogant or defensive or whatever.

My friends and strangers are like "Hey exercise is awesome, nature is awesome" and I just find them boring and if it bores me I am not going to do it. I just am not going to. It 's not that I can't, it's not that I won't. It's just that know fundamentally that I am not going to do something that is boring. I find games and books too boring to enjoy them on their own so I have to combine them.

I don't plan and I don't stick to plans. I improvise and make shit up and perhaps this is autism affecting me, perhaps I am just very high functioning but when people say shit to me and expect me to behave a certain way sometimes its like they're talking an alien or a robot. I am not someone who can just stick to a plan or a routine because if something new and interesting and important comes up that is better than sticking to these arbitrary boundaries.

When I created a world to write in, I didn't create a continent or a world or a universe, I created a multiverse because it was the only playground big enough for the things I wanted to write.

And now I have spent the past year in my room avoiding the only people I see regularly. Isolation and lack of space and independence is enough to send anyone mad but someone depressed from all these other problems, who finds social interaction sometimes stressful and lack of freedom troubling? Yeah there's a reason I don't trust myself to apply for paid jobs at the moment and am only applying to volunteering opportunities. I have a big mind and nothing to do with it.

So I have gotten interested in politics. Partly because there was a general election and so it was kind of hard to avoid politics, partly because doing political videos makes money, partly because it's nice to make a difference and partly because it's a great big complicated issue.

Narrative fiction can be stripped down, understood and predicted with good enough accuracy. Politics though is different it is economics, culture, game theory, marketing and my great Achilles heel people, Do you know how thoroughly addictive an unsolvable problem is? I don't mean a problem that can't be solved because the issues are out of your hands but a problem that is not just impractical to solve, a problem that does not yet have a solution. Solving the problem of socializing isn't an interesting puzzle to me because solving it would make me a sociopath, or at least would make me an untrustably manipulative douchebag. Solving the problem of politics is a far more benevolent quest though and all the more difficult.

For a man without purpose going mad from lack of mental stimulation politics is the perfect crutch. Firstly politics matters. We are talking about a government that was elected by less than a quarter of the population of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, that sought to remove human rights, give mega corps the ability to sue governments, to screw over the economy to pursue a vendetta against the poor and it is in fact killing people.

My favourite Doctor once said that you can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies, well the Tories are one marvellous opponent to give life meaning.

Secondly politics is one hell of a rubik's cube. How do you fix a broken system?
Do you trust the government to institute reforms that would undo everything it is trying to do?
Do you trust the broken system to allow a party into power that could fix the system?
Even if you do are you really going to lie back as the tories savage the welfare state and continue killing people?

The seemingly obvious answer that even the rich can see coming isn't perfect either.
Do we rise up against the 1%?
If so what do we do and when do we stop?
If revolution does go ahead violently then you've got tons of poor and desperate against the rich and powerful, lets be honest unless surprise is used this is how such a violent revolution would go:

Poor: Raar!!!

Rich: Fire!

Poor: *splat*

And what precedent would it set? Don't like the way democracy is run, just overthrow the leadership through force of arms. If revolution will prove more dangerous than our corrupt democracy then it can't realistically be an option.

So we have an important problem without a viable solution, leaving us with the unviable present.

It is a hell of a lot easier to sleep at night thinking about how to solve that problem than it is thinking about the problems that directly affect me.

I never took self defence classes and tried my best to make sure I am as harmless as possible in case I get angry so I am not about to lead any revolutions myself, even if I could stomach hurting anyone.

There is no doubt that I am no longer quite sane but there is also no doubt that things are being done to address the problems responsible for my lack of sanity.

If any prospective employers are reading this or any of my other work, please understand this yes I think for myself, yes I question things, but if I agree with you and I am truly interested in working for you all this over thinking all this over caring will be working to benefit you. I am a man who turned down benefits to earn money and reacted to a year of unemployment with devoting my unused brain power to trying to solve the problems of British Politics, I could prove a very valuable asset to your company if used in the right way. Having morals might be inconvenient in the current job market but it means I will always try to be fair and make the best decision under the current circumstances, not just make the easy decision.

The reason I felt the need to include that is that apparently keeping the crazy in your head is safer than letting others know what you're thinking.

Saturday, 6 June 2015

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Before I begin there is some housekeeping to attend to.

Nick forgave me and he even said to keep the adverts up on my videos, which like I said I only suggested as a joke. So that's awesome.

Apparently he saw the blog and that's why he forgave me.

So there we go a valuable lesson for people, 4 am apology blogs can actually work.

To be honest I only wrote that blog to try and shut my brain up so I am ecstatic that it did.

And for anyone wondering the Doctor's appointment ended up being completely pointless as I still don't know the genetic testing results yet. I guess this is the problem with doing anything before you know the results.

Anyway on with the show.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

A Rallying Cry


Alexander Gordon Jahans

Shit. A thick brown slurry of excrement hurled from the gods like hail. A vicious viscous onslaught of crap. That's the world I feel like we're expected to live in.

I am in limbo. As my tits grow ever larger and my crown jewels make me feel ever worthless with their pathetic stature, the Doctors send me on test after test as they await result after result before they're willing to begin treatment, the social services hold out tantalizing hope after tantalizing hope before disappearing into the void again. My mum and dad remain in a cold war ranting to me about how the other is mad and dangerous but neither willing to actually leave for one excuse or another.

David Cameron is attacking human rights, attacking the poor, killing the economy and making mega corporations able to sue governments. He stands like a dictator, mockingly preaching to save working families as he murders them all more efficiently than Nazis murdered Jews. The bastard has Murdoch at his back making the poorest believe the sun shines of David Cameron's arse.

It turns out that UKIP is quietly officially against gay rights, giving religions more priority than gays. Yet UKIPers get away with it because they just point at Islam and say "That's the real problem" 

I live in Woking, home of the first mosque in Britain, and white men have always been the biggest arseholes. The only homophobic person I met who wasn't white or trolling was a christian fundamentalist and that fucker was smart enough to climb down from his opinions the moment he realized that shit would not be tolerated by the British public.It's okay to have stupid fears and think stupid things but if you have the balls to openly say all gays should go to hell then you should expect that you will be punched in the face because that shit is not on.

I am an atheist and I believe in the innate goodness of humanity. We love other people, we love other animals, we love TV shows and video games. As a species we treat love as a superpower, love can bring people back from the dead, it can mend broken hearts and free people from eternal damnation. We are looking to create artificial intelligence despite having seen so many examples of how it could go wrong from Frankenstein onwards because we believe so firmly in love and the innate goodness of intelligence. 

People can be corrupted yes, they can go mad, they can become psychopaths, but we have the figures to show that that is a tiny minority. Most people live their lives without going on killing sprees. Most people, despite how outrageous their opinions may be, treat others civilly. That is fantastic.

Yes there are many problems. Rape, abuse, sexual objectification, theft. But in general most people are okay to most people. We developed the ability to destroy the planet we live on and we calmed the fuck down and decided that at that point war wasn't worth it any more. We came so close to self destruction and then we backed down and realised our stupidity. That is amazing. If humanity really is innately corrupt and wretched why the fuck did we stop at the ultimate act of evil? Because we are better than we think we are. Less than a quarter of people voted for the conservatives that are fucking our country. That is tremendous news if you really think about it.

The Green Surge. The SNP landslide. 4 million UKIP votes. The destruction of the Liberal Democrats. Rampant propaganda. So many missing votes. Labour becoming diet tories. And the actual Tories received less than a quarter of the votes from the population of Great Britain. Even JK Rowling had Slytherin House make up a quarter of wizards. I repeat the Nazi house from Harry Potter had more members proportionally than the Tories at the height of their dickishness with the opposition severely weakened. The electoral system is clearly broken as hell but the humanity of Britain remains in good health.

The Seventh Doctor once said you can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies well the British have some high quality enemies indeed. The British fight against their own electoral system, against the rich, against the fascist shadow empire of mega corporations, and its spirit is oh so willing. Already back bench Tories are helping keep the corrupt parliament in check. Already the SNP are leading a revolution from inside the system. Already Labour is being reminded that it is a party of the left. Even UKIP are helping in the fight for Proportional Representation. The Tories may have won last election but they cannot win another and even if they do Scotland looks set to split which leaves frustrated Brits with a way out from under the thumb of the Tories.

Ladies and gentlemen are also pursuing Lawful Rebellion under Article 61 of the Magna Carta, the EU is holding the Tories back from full oppression and there are even attempts to use the ear of Prince Charles to facilitate Legal Revolution. Protests are happening around Britain all the time and it seems like every day there's another petition to hold the Tories feet to the fire. Bloggers and Vloggers like myself are taking to the internet to document the unrest. The Tories are not having an easy time of it.

The clock is ticking until they get ousted and until that day happens people everywhere are fighting the corruption. What I hope now is that we can use crowd funding to help the weakest in society since the government won't. Our top priority though must be fighting the Transatlantic trade and Investment Partnership. Corporations do not deserve that much power.

Fallout 4 is coming out at some point, The Podquisition remains excellent and Minecraft is getting a new combat update soon. There is light at the end of the tunnel friends, don't lose hope.

Also in other news I finally have new headphones so there will be more Skyrim videos from me and our new cat Luna has turned out to be delightful.

Friday, 5 June 2015

Need to vent

It's 4 in the morning, I have to be up at 9 tomorrow to see a Doctor about a condition I don't think I have any more that's related the symptoms I have such as developing breasts.

I cannot sleep because I took a sadistic joke seriously, got into a stupid argument and now a good friend of 4 years who recently started sponsoring my videos has effectively ended things off with a shouty message that goes the full on "And you know what you're a shit writer too" route.

I genuinely can't fathom this, I think I'm in the right with regards to the content of the argument and hell I thought it ended rather amicably too. So I'm left without a friend during a shitty time because of Poe's law and my own social cluelessness which is... Ding! Ding! Ding! Asperger's Syndrome. My own particular social disability.

People say to me "But you don't look disabled you can have a pint in the pub and talk politics how does Asperger's Syndrome affect you?"

Well I have Mild Asperger's Syndrome, which means I can fake it. Shamelessness for confidence, trust in your reasoning for self belief, consciously learned and understood social awareness for instinctive social skills. I am however disabled. I don't like phone calls. Text based conversations lack nuance and emotion and so are more easily misinterpreted. Audiovisual communication is fast and intense, a flood of information that has to be quickly digested and understood.

Also related to this is that I am a survivor of bullying so I am paranoid about being laughed at. As far as I am concerned people who laugh at another's misfortune are scum and I treat them differently to my friends and normal people. The moment I find out that you are scum the normal rules don't apply to you. Scum can say shit that would turn strangers into mortal enemies because that's what they do but equally scum can be swatted like flies for pleasure, remove their comments, block their accounts, say all kinds of horrible shit to them. If scum want to pick on me then I will reply in turn, if I feel like it. It took a long time for me to stop seeing all idiot jokers as scum so now the lines are very blurry and frankly I don't care. Unless that is you happen to be the best friend of someone paying me money, who is a good friend of mine, then I care an awful lot in hindsight.

Hindsight is a bitch.

Now, please, brain, let me fucking sleep. I need to see the doctor tomorrow about my low testosterone. This is more important than friendship or money, this is not dying, please brain. Please. Christ I am truly my own worst enemy.

Nick if you're reading this I'm a cunt, I'm sorry, I insulted your friend and that's really bad and I totally respect that you're annoyed. You're right I am a shitty writer and I just thought the sponsorship thing made a cool joke, I don't care about the money, you're a mate. I'm sorry to be doing this, sorry I fucked things up, I'm a depressed autistic with fucked up hormones living in the same house as separating parents, I'm not exactly thinking straight. Sorry